


Your Eyes Could Tell Stories

by toxic_corn



Category: The Boy (2016 Bell)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Bullying, F/M, Slow Burn, cool girl/shy boy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-04
Updated: 2019-02-28
Packaged: 2019-10-04 03:19:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 20
Words: 69,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17296760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toxic_corn/pseuds/toxic_corn
Summary: So Brahms never killed anyone and there was never a fire. He's a social pariah at school until the new girl arrives and coaxes him out of his shell. But she's got some secrets of her own...





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Annnd here we are with a high school AU of my own fic. *facepalm* I had the idea and started writing it, apologies in advance. I completely blame the actor portraying Brahms, James Russell, for being handsome and inspiring me to want to write a maskless, unburned Brahms.

"You're awfully quiet, love."  


Shea Willingham looked over at her mother and attempted a smile. "Just nervous, I guess." She smoothed a hand down her pleated, navy blue skirt. It had been years since she'd had to wear a school uniform and wasn't all that keen on wearing one again. Especially since it meant she wasn't starting the school year at at the school she'd attended the last three years, the big high school on the hill that overlooked the ocean. She would sit with her friends under the orange trees in the grassy quad, all of them dressed in jeans or colorful sundresses and scout out cute guys and girls while waiting for class to start.  


Now here she was, thousands of miles away in a completely different country, and she was in white and navy with stockings and oxfords.  


"Well, you've never had difficulty making friends. It shouldn't be any different here." Joanna Willingham gave her daughter a warm, sunny smile and Shae could almost forgive her for uprooting her life. Almost. "You look very nice."  


"Considering I'm dressed like a librarian?" Shae asked.  


"Nothing wrong with librarians," her mother gently chided her.  


Shae laughed a little. "No, there isn't. But I miss color." She looked out the window. "Everything's gray here. Isn't it fall? Shouldn't there be red and yellow leaves?"  


"Hmmm. Good point." Her mother looked up at the bare trees they were driving under along the slick, black road. "I guess they've had enough rain and wind it blew them all down. All that's left is a nice brown sludge on the ground."  


"Ugh."  


Joanna cut her a little smile, eyes crinkled. "Now, now. Just think of how lovely that rain will sound when you're curled up in bed with a book, eh?"  


"For the time being, I have to suffer through walking around in it before I can enjoy my warm bed and book." Shae dropped her head to the window and pouted.  


Her mother reached over and patted her knee. "I know it's hard, love. I appreciate you not being as sulky as you could be, considering you're a teenager. We both have some adjusting to do. I know it's a little gloomy here but it's safe. Safety's all that I care about right now."  


Shae blinked at the tears that suddenly filled her eyes and she stayed quiet the rest of the ride to school.  


Hodgson College was a big, imposing stone building that seemed to loom on the horizon as her mother drove them closer. They drove through the car park and Shae's mother stopped at the curb. Her smile was bittersweet as she watched Shae zip up her coat and grasp her satchel by the straps.  


"Have a good day, my love. I'll be here at 2:30, okay?"  


Shae didn't trust herself to speak but nodded with a half smile. She popped open the door and stepped out, slipping her satchel onto her back. She looked around and saw she was already attracting attention. Determined to pretend no one was looking at her, Shae walked along the path to the main building. The grass was so green here. At her old school, the students had worn paths through all the grassy bits of campus. Maybe they were more strict about preserving the landscaping here.  


As she approached the stairs, a lovely golden-skinned girl with long, curly black hair and thick bangs waved at her, a bright smile on her face. "Hello!" she called.  


Shae smiled sincerely. "Rose!"  


The two girls met at the top of the stairs and hugged one another tightly. Rose always smelled so good and Shae buried her face in her friend's unbound hair.  


"I know the circumstances really suck," Rose said softly, "but Lily and I are thrilled that you came back."  


Rose and Lily Khatri had been Shae's best friends when she'd first lived in England with her family. Shae had stayed in touch with the twins when the Willinghams had moved back to the States when Shae was eight. Originally, they'd all lived in London but the Khatris had moved to the countryside when their father's health had turned badly. Settling in this part of England, rather than London, had been Joanna's choice, thinking that being closer to friends would make all the other changes easier. As much as Shae loved London, she had to admit her mother had made a good decision. Even if the place was gloomy and gray.  


"I'm happy to see you, too," Shae said. She drew back and smiled into Rose's beaming face. "Once every summer isn't nearly enough time to hang out with your best friends." She looked around and added, "So where's Lily?"  


Rose rolled her eyes but smiled affectionately. "She's in the art room. Her new piece is taking up every waking moment of her day but she's got a few classes with you today so you'll see her later. Your first class is with me, though."  


"Well, good." Shae laughed as Rose linked arms with her and led her into the building. The walls were lined with lockers where various students were standing, putting away their book bags and gathering together notebooks. It was a familiar enough scene, but everyone was in the uniform and most of the students were white. Though, honestly, some of them looked as gray as the outdoors did. Shae's own complexion would probably end up the same way; with her red hair she mostly tended to be pale. The California coast had give her at least a slight hint of a tan which was more than most of these students would ever get in their lives, unless they went on vacation in some warmer climes or invested in a tanning bed.  


Rose led Shae to her locker and Shae fumbled through the combination just fine and hung her things up. She grabbed a notebook, not having her textbooks yet, and followed Rose down the hall. The whole way, Rose kept up a non-stop chatter about activities and some of the people she knew, pausing now and then to return greetings that were called out to her. Shae noticed she was drawing even more interested stares and could guess at what they were thinking: how had this new girl already become such good friends with Rose Khatri?  


They reached the door of their first class of the day, World Literature. Rose was gushing that she would simply love the professor as she pulled the door open for her. The professor, a man in his 50s with longish gray hair swept back off his forehead, turned and smiled at them as they came in.  


"Hello, Professor Hartnell!" Rose exclaimed. "This is my old friend, Shae Willingham. We went to school together long, long ago and now she's back!"  


Professor Hartnell laughed softly and then nodded to Shae. "Hello, Miss Willingham. Welcome back."  


"Thanks." Shae smiled politely.  


"We don't have any textbooks in this class, but we're reading Anna Karenina if you want to pick that up from the library later. For now, you can just share with one of the students." The professor picked up a clipboard which showed him the seating plan. "You've only missed a week so don't worry about being too far behind. I think there's an empty seat next to... ah. Brahms Heelshire. Brahms?"  


Shae noticed that Rose's megawatt smile had dimmed by quite a bit. "Sir, I was hoping Shae could sit next to me?"  


"Oh, but that would displace other students," the professor said. "Shepherd transferred out; the seat immediately next to Brahms is available. Brahms?"  


Rose's smile turned into a frown completely as the professor continued to call out this boy's name. No one was really in their seats yet, standing and talking in clumps so it was hard to determine where the empty seat was without this Brahms character raising his hand. Rose grabbed Shae's arm and shook her head at Professor Hartnell.  


"I'll just take her over, sir. Thank you."  


Professor Hartnell sighed but smiled. "Thank you, Miss Khatri."  


Rose towed Shae across the room to a desk next to a window. The seat immediately next to it was inhabited by a tall boy with hunched shoulders. He was bent over a sketchbook and his hand clutching a pencil flew across the page with feverish intensity. Shae couldn't see his face but she was intrigued by the dark curls tumbling over his forehead.  


"Brahms?" Rose said politely. "Hello. Good morning!"  


The boy jolted and looked up at them with slightly wild, dark eyes. Shae noted that he had a long, strong looking nose and a surprising amount of stubble along his jawline. It was an interesting face and she bit her lip as she studied him.  


"Brahms, this is Shae," Rose went on briskly as if he had spoken. "She's my very dear friend and Professor Hartnell is seating her next to you rather than me. I'm counting on you to look after her. She hasn't got a book yet, so you'll need to share. Did you bring your book today?"  


The boy still hadn't answered and looked from Shae to Rose, swallowing visibly. He sat up slightly and they saw the book was peeking out from under his left arm.  


"Ah, there it is," Rose said. She turned to Shae and smiled. "I'll walk you to your next class, okay?"  


Shae watched her in amusement. "Okay."  


"Well, bye for now." Rose crossed the room to her seat three back from the door and started chatting with a girl who sat immediately behind her.  


Shae sighed and took a seat. "Sorry about that," Shae said to Brahms. "Rose is a little overprotective. Like a mom, you know? Or uh, you'd say 'mum' I guess." He still stared down at the desk so Shae said, "Is Anna Karenina any good? I haven't read it. Or any Tolstoy, actually. I remember Oprah made it part of her book club so maybe that's why I avoided it." Shae laughed. "Not that I hate Oprah or anything but it's kind of embarrassing to have a book with one of her book club stickers on it. Like you're a sheep who has to be told what to read, you know? I peeled off the one on my copy of East of Eden when I had to read that last year."  


"You're not going to get anything out of him," the boy behind her said. She turned to look at him. He had short brown hair and a friendly, handsome face with dimples in his cheeks. "Brahms doesn't usually talk. Hasn't for years."  


"Oh." Shae turned back to Brahms. "I'm sorry if I'm bothering you. I, uh, I talk too much." Brahms finally turned his head to look at her. There was something there in his eyes that made her softly ask, "Was I bothering you?"  


He stared back at her and then slowly shook his head.  


Shae smiled at him. "Well, all right, then." She turned to the boy behind her. "I'm Shae, by the way."  


"Malcolm," the boy said. "How is it that you're friends with Rose Khatri already?"  


She laughed, liking that she'd been right about her earlier assumption. "Childhood friends. I met Rose and Lily ages ago when we all lived in London. Then I moved to the States and not long after that, Rose and Lily moved here. This year when my mom wanted to come back to England she decided to settle where we already had some friends."  


"Nice mum," Malcolm remarked.  


"She is."  


"Why did she want to come back here? If you don't mind me asking?"  


Shae felt herself flush a little and looked away. "Um. Just... some family stuff."  


"Oh," Malcolm said softly. "Sorry."  


"It's okay." She turned back around as Professor Hartnell called the class to order. She glanced over at Brahms and saw that his eyes still watched her with that thoughtful gleam, though she thought she saw a bit of compassion there. Or maybe his eyes were broadcasting none of those things; it was kind of hard to read other people's eyes, especially if you didn't know them.  


The professor led the class in a discussion of Anna Karenina and Shae felt like she wanted to shout out "spoilers!" She listened to what her classmates had to say and felt relief that mostly they sounded intelligent and were able to answer the questions that the professor put forth. Then he asked for a student to read a passage out loud to help him make his point and the girl he'd asked stood up to read.  


Shae saw everyone else picking up their books and then looked to Brahms. He cleared his throat and then sat up straighter, fumbling his book open and then flipping through the pages helplessly. Clearly, he hadn't been paying attention.  


Gently, Shae reached out and touched his arm. "May I?" she whispered. He'd fallen still so she took the book from his hands easily and then scooted her desk a little closer to his. She leaned over as she turned to the correct page and then pointed to the line the student was currently reading. "Here."  


Shae read along but felt slightly distracted by Brahms. It took her a moment to realize he wasn't breathing. She glanced over at him in concern but he was staring intently at the page. Not even reading, just staring at it. Did he not know how to read? How could he have made it through school this far if he couldn't, particularly a school like this one with a good academic reputation?  


"Brahms?" Shae whispered. "Are you okay?" He didn't answer. _Quelle surprise_.  


When the student reached the end of the paragraph, Shae closed the book and set it on Brahms's desk. He shifted his gaze to his desk top and the discussion continued on. Shae half listened but glanced over at Brahms every so often. He was handsome in a sad loner kind of way. And he was tall, taller than anyone else she'd seen in the school, with a lanky build. His hands in particular were very nice, with long fingers and clean, neatly clipped short nails. His fingers were smudged by his sketching from earlier and now they were poised on the desk, not quite resting. It was like he was a rubber band someone had pulled back, just waiting to let fly. She was sure that when class ended, he'd bolt from his seat and practically run through the door. This thought made her feel a little sad; he was even more uncomfortable than she was, and she knew that eventually she'd settle in with a group of friends. Brahms was going to have no one if he couldn't even string together a few words for a little polite conversation.  


Eventually, the discussion came to an end and Professor Hartnell assigned them to read three more chapters of the book by tomorrow. Then they were dismissed and everyone gathered their things together. To Shae's surprise, Brahms stayed sitting.  


"What class do you have next?" she asked him. He awkwardly slid his sketchbook closer to him and clutched it to his chest, placing his composition notebook in front of it. His copy of Anna Karenina went into his jacket pocket.  


Shae reached into her own blazer pocket and pulled out her schedule. "Here. Do you have any of these classes? It'll be nice to see a familiar face."  


Brahms took the schedule from her and studied it. Then he proved he could read because he pointed to her French class after lunch and her independent study hour at the very end of the day.  


"I've got Calculus next as well," Malcolm suddenly said. Both Shae and Brahms jumped at his sudden intrusion and Brahms hastily handed her schedule back to her. "Maybe I'll walk with you and Rose, then?"  


Shae gave him a little smile. "Yeah, sounds great."  


Brahms bolted suddenly out of his seat and strode out the door, shoulders hunched. Shae watched him, frowning in worry. "Is he...?"  


"He's always like that," Malcom said heavily. "Though he paid more attention to you than he has to anyone ever. Even teachers."  


"Huh." Shae saw Rose by the door waving at her impatiently, flanked by two other girls who were chatting and laughing. "Interesting."

~*~

By the end of the day, Shae was exhausted. She'd learned at least fifty new names but could only be truly certain of half of them. Luckily, she could count on Rose and Lily to remind her of the ones she wasn't able to remember and avoid any embarrassing moments. She'd gotten her textbooks for each class and now her satchel was bulging with them. During her lunch break, she'd gone to the library and found one battered, sad copy of Anna Karenina. She'd checked it out but was determined that on the weekend, she'd go into town and buy a nicer copy at one of the shops.  


Her friends offered her a ride home, but Shae turned them down, saying her mother was picking her up today. They waved and headed off to their car and Shae turned away regretfully. Maybe she could get a car soon so she wouldn't always have to get a ride from her mother. As she walked along the path to the car park, she noticed Brahms ahead of her in the crowd. He was a head taller than most of the students and he stood out by quite a lot. She watched the back of his head musingly and then gasped as he suddenly went down. There was a shout of laughter and Shae went running, satchel slamming against her back with each step. She reached Brahms as he was climbing to his feet, his face red.  


"Are you all right?" she asked  


"The bigger they are, the harder they fall," a boy nearby said, laughing.  


Shae spun to him, furious. "Yeah, real fucking clever, asshole." The boy started to respond but she turned away, deciding he was irrelevant. "Brahms? Hey. Are you okay?"  


He hunched his shoulders and fluttered his hands behind him. He was trying to hide them but Shae had gotten enough of a quick glance to see that they were scraped.  


"Oh, no!" She grabbed his wrist and pulled him out of the flow of students. "Let me see."  


He pulled his hands away and muttered, "It's fine."  


"No, it isn't!" She pulled off her satchel and knelt, unbuckling her water bottle from its side pouch. "Here, let me clean them out." She pulled her handkerchief from her blazer pocket and poured some of the water onto the fabric. Then she grabbed for Brahms's left hand which he half heartedly tried to keep away from her but ultimately gave up the struggle; Shae was determined.  


Shae carefully wiped his hand, making sure to pick away dirt and tiny bits of gravel that had gotten into his scrapes. She crooned sympathetically when he hissed and then murmured, "Okay, now the other one." He let her have it this time without argument and she cleaned that one up as well. It didn't take as long as the first one; Brahms must have caught most of his fall with his other hand.  


"There," she said and let his hand drop. She looked up into his eyes and was surprised to see he was looking right at her. Not at his shoes, not at a nearby tree, but at her. "You should wash them again at home and put some alcohol on the scrapes. Infections can be pretty nasty."  


He nodded and looked back down at his hands. She noticed that the knee of his trousers had a small hole torn into it and sighed.  


"Did you scrape your knee, too?" she asked.  


"I think so," Brahms said quietly. His voice was deeper than she'd been expecting. "I can clean that one myself, though."  


She smiled and bit her lip. "If you say so."  


He started to smile but then seemed to think better of it. He cleared his throat. "Well. Thank you."  


"You're welcome." Shae slid her satchel onto her back and slumped forwards. "Ooof."  


Brahms's brow creased with worry. "Are you all right?"  


"Yeah, it's just that my bag's heavier than I'm used to. Loads of homework and I have to get caught up with all of you, starting late and all." She sighed. "Anyway. Take care, Brahms."  


"Take care," he repeated, sounding awkward.  


Shae turned away and walked to the car park where she spotted her mother's little red car. She walked quickly over and opened the door. Her mother had been listening to an audiobook and jumped in surprise but smiled when she saw Shae.  


"Hello, love. How was your first day?"  


"Exhausting," Shae said with feeling.  


Her mother paused the stereo and put the car in drive. "Wait until you're an adult. It's exhausting every day."  


Shae slunk down in her seat and stared miserably out the window as her mother drove them home. They lived far from the main village in a cottage by the edge of the woods. Through the trees, they were told was a big country manor house but neither of them had tried to walk to it in order to meet their neighbors. The estate agent had gotten a little edgy when Shae's mother had asked about it and that was the last they'd heard of the matter. Other than the mystery manor house, there were no other neighbors.  


The house was old brown brick with ivy climbing up one of the walls and around one of the upstairs windows. That window was to Shae's room and stuck out slightly since she had a window seat in her room, something she'd wanted since she was a little girl. Another dream come true was the canopy bed her mother had gotten for her at auction and it had a lovely burgundy colored canopy with matching curtains that tied off with gold braid. It made her feel like a princess in a fairy tale.  


Once they were home, her mother announced that she was going to make tea and Shae went up to her room to change out of her school clothes. She slipped on a t-shirt with a red sweater over it, jeans, and fuzzy red and purple striped socks. She pulled her hair back in a ponytail and then went downstairs for her tea. The plan was to have tea with her mother, do her homework, and then maybe watch some tv until bed. Then she'd wake up the next morning and do it all again. Boring. But like her mother had said, at least it was safe.  


Safe. That's what was important.


	2. Chapter 2

When Brahms got home, he shuffled into the house and straight upstairs, ignoring his mother who called out, "Is that you, Brahms darling?" Who else would it be? Of course it was him. He dropped his book bag on his desk and then went into the bathroom to clean out his hands as Shae had instructed him. He allowed himself to smile, thinking of her, as he dried his hands and then went through the medicine chest for a bottle of rubbing alcohol. He'd never met anyone like her before. She was so kind and so sweet, staring at him with those hazel eyes of hers. Her perfume had been so intoxicating, he hadn't been able to concentrate on Anna Karenina in class. All he could think of was her proximity and her little hands with the fingernails painted a bright pink.  


"Brahms?" His mother appeared in the doorway as he dabbed at his hands, wincing. "Good lord, what's happened?"  


"I fell," he said flatly.  


She went right to his side, taking his hands. "Let me see."  


"They're fine." He pulled away from her. "I've cleaned them. I was going to bandage them just for tonight until they scab over."  


His mother stood looking at him a long time and his shoulders started to hunch under her scrutiny. "You didn't just fall, did you, Brahms?"  


"I don't want to talk about it," Brahms said sharply. He got a roll of bandages out of the medicine chest and started unraveling it.  


She continued to watch him with love and frustration in her eyes before seeming to discard the subject for now. "Once you've finished in here and gotten changed, your father wants to go for a walk with you."  


"Where to?" Brahms asked, frowning. His father liked taking walks with him but he usually waited for the weekend for their jaunts around the grounds.  


"The cottage," she answered. "A family's moved there. American, so I hear. Your father's going to invite them for dinner this weekend."  


Brahms went still. "This weekend?"  


"Yes. So hurry along, now. Your father's waiting for you in the lounge." She turned and left the room.  


Nervousness made his stomach turn in knots. He wasn't ready to see her again, with her big, kind eyes and her pretty dark red hair. He'd feel like a fool showing up at her front door with his father, standing there silent and awkward as his father made all the conversation. Brahms wasn't good with people. He never had been but since his eighth birthday, everything had gotten so much worse.  


Once Shae heard all about it, she wouldn't be so kind to him.  


Clenching his jaw, he closed the medicine chest and went to his room to change.

~*~

"This family's supposed to have a child around your age, Brahms," Mr. Heelshire said as they walked along. His father had a long wooden stick he liked for these walks and Brahms suddenly hated it. It looked like he was Gandalf or something; would Shae laugh when she saw him? Once they'd been walking close to town and a car-load of boys Brahms's age had bellowed, "You shall not pass!" It didn't help that his parents were a good decade older than most of his classmates's parents and his father's hair was completely gray.  


"Yes, I've met her already," Brahms said.  


"Have you?" Mr. Heelshire looked over at him in interest. "Did you introduce yourself?"  


"I didn't know she was a neighbor," Brahms mumbled.  


Mr. Heelshire laughed gently. "She doesn't have to be a neighbor for you to be friendly, son."  


"I didn't introduce myself," Brahms said grudgingly. "We were introduced, though. By a friend of hers. She sits next to me in my literature class."  


"Is she a nice girl, then?" Mr. Heelshire asked casually.  


"Very." Brahms kept it simple. He didn't usually talk this much and he could see his father becoming interested. If he gave any more information, there would be more questions and Brahms already felt like screaming.  


"Ah," his father finally said. "That's good, then. Better to have nice neighbors, I think."  


They came through the woods and to the cottage which had been uninhabited most of Brahms's life. No one wanted to live close to them. Not after everything that had happened. The price had come down on the house over the years and there had been a few prospects but once someone in the village informed the potential buyer of the past, they always moved on.  


"Would you like to...?" Mr. Heelshire looked down at Brahms's bandaged hands. "No, I'd better knock, then. Here goes." He tapped the door with his walking stick and Brahms grit his teeth. Why couldn't he just knock like a normal person and why did he always have to tap out "shave and a haircut?" It was humiliating.  


The door opened and there she was. Shae. She looked lovely even in normal clothes, just a jumper and jeans. Her hair was pulled back, emphasizing the lines of her long, graceful looking neck. Brahms swallowed hard, staring at her.  


"Hello, young lady," Mr. Heelshire said heartily. "We're the Heelshires, your neighbors just across the woods there, in the manor house. I believe you already know my son, Brahms?"  


Shae smiled at his father. "It's nice to meet you, I'm Shae Willingham." She looked to Brahms. "Hi. How are your hands?"  


"Fine." His father raised his eyebrows at him and he awkwardly added, "Thank you."  


"Love? Who's at the door?" A tiny red-haired woman with a longer, narrower face than Shae's appeared beside her. Brahms was surprised to note that she had an English accent. But then he remembered that Shae had mentioned that she'd used to live here when she was a child and it made a little more sense.  


"New neighbors," Shae said. "The Heelshires. I go to school with Brahms."  


"Joanna Willingham," Shae's mother said, cheerfully. She held her hand out to Brahms's father and they shook. "Wonderful to meet you. We were just about to sit down to some tea, would you like to join us?"  


Brahms was already taking a step back but Brahms's father said, "Love to, thanks!" and happily stepped into the house when Shae held the door open wide for them.  


"I'm sorry the house is a little crowded right now. We're still unpacking," Joanna said apologetically as she led them through the house to the kitchen. Boxes were everywhere but many of them were empty so it looked like they'd been making good progress.  


They sat down at the table which was covered with a white and yellow checked tablecloth. The mugs were matching yellow in color and Joanna poured the tea for them. It looked much more cheerful than the Heelshire's kitchen and Brahms felt some of the tension seep out of his shoulders.  


"I can see this place is charming already," Mr. Heelshire said. "It's a wonderful house."  


"When Shae and I found it, we fell in love," Joanna said. She set a mug down in front of Brahms and smiled directly at him, making him flush. "Did you get the chance to meet Shae today, dear?"  


Shae held her mug with both hands. "Brahms sits next to me in World Literature. He's in my French class and Independent Study, too."  


"So you have a friend in every class, then?" Joanna asked.  


Brahms blushed more at being called someone's friend. Shae looked at him with a little smile. "Just about."  


"Well, that's good." Joanna turned to Mr. Heelshire. "So what can you tell me about the house? Our estate agent didn't tell us much about the history. He was very awkward about it, really."  


Mr. Heelshire cleared his throat uncomfortably. "Well, what would you like to know?"  


"Why don't we start with what year it was built?"  


"The estate agent wouldn't even tell you that?" Mr. Heelshire asked, aghast.  


Joanna rolled her eyes. "He claimed not to know and that he'd get back to us once he had more information. He never did, though."  


"He was really weird," Shae added. Suddenly she stood up, "Hey, I just had an idea!"  


"What is it, love?" Joanna smiled in amusement at her daughter.  


Shae turned to Brahms. "You're crazy tall, could you help me put some lights up in my room?"  


Joanna shook her head. "Shae, Brahms is a guest. Isn't it a little soon to put him to work?"  


"I don't mind," Brahms surprised himself by saying. He ignored his father's raised eyebrows.  


"Cool, come on up," Shae said. When Brahms stood and followed her out the door, Shae cheerfully called back, "We'll keep the door open!"  


Joanna's warm laughter followed them as they climbed up the loud, creaky stairs.  


"Thanks for helping me," Shae said. "Also, I didn't really care about the history lesson and I could tell that you didn't either."  


Brahms laughed a little. "Er. You're welcome."  


They reached the top of the stairs and Shae led him down the hall to her bedroom. There was a small, green chalkboard attached to the door with a piece of chalk hanging on a string next to it. The board simply said SHAE! in big bubble letters. Inside, the room was full of opened boxes stacked all over the floor and a couple were on the bed as well. He noticed that she'd gotten her bookcase all set up and had to admire her priorities.  


"The lights are here," Shae said and he turned to watch her as she stood by her bed, pulling out a box of string lights from a larger cardboard box that had SHAE DECORATIONS printed on the side. "They make a room look more magical, you know? Little twinkly fairy lights."  


Brahms didn't have any magic in his room so didn't really know what to say. He slid his hands into his pockets and felt like a big, awkward prat. "Where, uh, where do you want them to go?"  


Shae nodded to the wall beside the bookcase. "I want it to zig zag down the wall so I can clip pictures to it."  


"Okay."  


Once Shae had the lights out and untangled, they spent about twenty minutes arranging them how Shae wanted and then Brahms helped her secure them in place with strong, clear tape. He didn't need a ladder like Shae or her mother would and when their work was completed, Shae eagerly flicked the lights on and they stepped back to admire their work.  


"It's nice," Brahms said. "Are you going to hang up pictures of your friends?"  


Shae shrugged. "Maybe. That's what I did in my last room. I think I should have a wall of new friends, though. Starting with you."  


"Me?"  


Grinning, Shae grabbed her phone and held it up. "Smile!"  


"But-!"  


There was a flash and a shutter sound and Shae beamed up at him. "Wanna see?"  


He started to blush. "I didn't want my picture taken."  


"Here, take a look at it. If you don't like it, I'll erase it, I promise. But it's a good picture, though. Look." Shae turned the phone over to him and he frowned down at the screen. It was a terrible likeness; he looked daft with his head slightly tilted to the side in confusion.  


"You think this is a good picture?" he asked dubiously.  


Shae bit her lip. "Well, yeah. As good as I'm going to get if you never smile."  


He narrowed his eyes at her. "I smile."  


"When?" she asked. The question should have sounded snide but she mostly sounded curious, staring up at him with her wide, hazel eyes.  


"When there's something to smile about," he said flatly.  


She sighed. "I'm sorry, I'll delete it. It was shitty of me to take it without your permission anyway." She started to fiddle with the buttons on her phone, her cheeks flushed a guilty pink.  


"Wait," he said with his new-found impulsiveness. "Go ahead and keep it. Maybe one day you'll catch me smiling and can replace this grim one." Besides, he kind of liked the idea of her having a picture of him in her phone. He doubted she had one of Malcolm. At least not yet.  


Shae lowered her phone and out of the blue said, "I really like your voice."  


"My _voice_?" Brahms repeated in disbelief. "Why on earth do you like that?"  


"I just do." She gave him a quick, sweet smile and turned to the door. "We better go check on our parents. Thanks for helping me with my lights, Brahms."  


"You're welcome," he mumbled and followed her out the door.  


"Oh, since I have your picture in my phone, I may as well have your number, too," Shae said.  


Brahms hunched his shoulders. "I haven't got a mobile."  


She turned and stared at him with those wide eyes of hers even wider. "You don't?"  


"I haven't got anyone to call. What would I need one for?" His parents had offered. His mother in particular had wanted him to have a phone for emergencies but Brahms had begged off. They got enough prank calls on the land line phone as it was; they'd just send hateful texts if his number became public knowledge.  


"Oh," she said softly.  


"Sorry," he felt obliged to say.  


She tilted her head at him, a sweetly confused smile on her face. "You know you don't need to apologize for that, right?"  


"I didn't know what else to say," Brahms confessed.  


Shae opened her mouth to reply when downstairs her mother called, "Shae! You and Brahms come back down here."  


When they reached the foot of the stairs, Brahms's father and Joanna were standing there, wrapping up their conversation. "It's time for the boys to go home," Joanna said to Shae. "We're invited to their house this weekend for dinner, so don't make plans."  


"For the whole weekend?" Shae asked incredulously.  


Joanna rolled her eyes and lightly swatted Shae's arm. "You know what I mean. Keep Saturday night clear, young lady."  


Shae sighed. "All right." She turned to Brahms's father and said, "Thanks for the invitation."  


"You're very welcome," he said, eyes twinkling as he looked to Brahms. "Ready to go?"  


"Yes," Brahms said stiffly.  


They all walked to the front door and Joanna opened it for them. "Thanks for stopping by. It makes us feel very welcome."  


"Thank you for your hospitality," Brahms's father said, taking up his walking stick once more. He smiled warmly into Joanna's attractive face. "We'll be seeing you on Saturday at 6:30. My wife sends her regards."  


As they walked away, Shae and her mother stayed in the door frame, watching them and waving. Brahms stuffed his hands into his pockets and cut a glance at his father.  


"That went well," his father said cheerfully. "Charming girl, that Shae. Isn't she?"  


"Quite," Brahms mumbled, ignoring his father's gentle chuckling.


	3. Chapter 3

The rest of the week flew by faster than Shae had been expecting. She'd gotten caught up on school work quickly, mostly thanks to having an Independent Study course. According to Lily, Independent Study was new and the result of parents complaining about the workload their kids were bringing home. Most people in the class worked on their homework or got other reading or studying done, but there were some who used the hour to screw around. Shae didn't get the point; just go home if you weren't going to use the time to your advantage.  


Shae shared a table with Malcolm, Rose, and Lily in the library where the class was held. As she and Malcolm went over their Calculus homework together, Shae watched a group of boys tossing wads of paper at Brahms who sat by himself hunched over Anna Karenina. She couldn't see his face but saw his ears were red. The sight made her furious. Why couldn't they leave him alone? And why didn't he do something?  


All week, she'd been trying to speak to Brahms but he just wasn't having it. She hadn't got much more out of him than she already had. He mostly just nodded or shrugged and sketched. When she'd asked to see what he was drawing and then reached for it when he didn't answer he'd snapped, "Leave it" and that was the extent of their conversation. Saturday night was going to be a real blast if he kept this up.  


The boys escalated their douchebaggery and one of them threw a banana peel at Brahms and laughed uproariously when it draped over his shoulder. Shae looked to the professor supervising the class, Professor Baker, but he was snoozing at his desk, chin resting on his chest.  


Fine. It was up to Shae to put a stop to this, then. She stood up suddenly, startling Malcolm who asked, "Where are you going?"  


Shae dismissively said, "I'll just be a minute." She went over to Brahms's table and plucked the banana peel off his shoulder. When he looked up at her cautiously she said, "Hey, Brahms, I have a question."  


"She's got a question, Brahms," one of the boys said mockingly and for some reason they all started laughing.  


Shae sat down across from Brahms, ignoring the boys. She placed the banana peel on the desk. "Mom thinks we're supposed to dress formal for dinner on Saturday. Is she right?"  


"Er. Semi-formal, I suppose." Brahms cleared his throat and glanced at the banana peel and back to her.  


"So no ball gowns?" Shae joked.  


He shook his head, unsmiling.  


"Okay, thanks. I wanted to ask something else, too." When he raised his eyebrows expectantly she said, "I'm not sure I heard Madame Whittaker right. Did she say we had to read chapters six through ten or chapters six _and_ ten?"  


"Six and ten."  


Shae nodded. "That's what I was hoping. Thank you. Do you like French class? I took some at my old high school but I don't really think--"  


"Why don't you leave me alone?" Brahms said, sounding frustrated.  


Oh my god. Shae wanted the ground to swallow her up. "I... I didn't realize I was bothering you. You said..."  


"That was days ago. You're bothering me now, Shae. Unless you have more questions for me?" This last bit was sarcastically delivered and Shae bit her lip.  


"No," she said quietly.  


"Okay, then." Brahms looked down at his book, dismissing her.  


Shae watched him and her embarrassment and hurt turned swiftly to anger. How fucking dare he. She was only being nice to him, showing him some courtesy and friendship when no one else at this school seemed to care a bit for him. Not even Rose and Lily, who had gone quiet and exchanged a significant look when she told them about Saturday dinner. Then Rose had quickly said that it sounded like fun and changed the subject.  


"Sorry if I bothered you with my friendship," Shae said nastily. Brahms looked back up at her in surprise and she continued, "Did you want this banana peel back on your shoulder?"  


His face went red and he didn't answer. Dismay and resignation warred on his face and Shae's anger went out of her quickly. Jesus. He wasn't used to friendly overtures, maybe he thought she was making fun of him this whole time and now here she was lashing out at him, confirming his suspicion that everyone had it out for him.  


"I'm sorry," Shae said, ashamed. She blinked at the tears that had suddenly filled her eyes. "That was mean. I- I'm just... See, I like you and I only wanted--"  


"You _like_ me?" Brahms repeated loudly.  


Everyone in the room went quiet and then the giggling and whispering started up. Completely humiliated, Shae jumped up and ran from the library. She thought she heard someone call her name and burst through the double doors and out into the hallway, down the hall to the girl's toilet where she locked herself into a stall and burst into tears.

~*~

"Shae!" Brahms jumped up, heart pounding. Oh, shit. Oh shit, he'd made her cry.  


"Well done, Heelshire," Jeremy Benson said and his idiot friends started cackling.  


"Fuck you," Brahms growled and the boys stared at him in astonishment. He'd never said anything back to them, ever. Not once. He took advantage of their stunned silence to grab his bag and hurry from the room.  


The Khatri twins had already run out after Shae, Rose practically flying into the girls' lavatory. Lily was just behind her with the door open when she spotted Brahms standing in the hallway gaping like a numpty.  


Her eyes narrowed at him. "Go away."  


"I didn't mean to make her cry," Brahms said pleadingly. "I was... I was only--"  


Lily leaned forward, black eyes spitting fire. "Go. A. Way." She went into the girls' bathroom and he could hear soft sobbing before the door swung shut.  


Brahms drew in a deep, shaky breath and then started down the hallway, deciding to leave school early for the day.

~*~

"God, I feel like such an idiot," Shae hiccuped, pressing wadded up paper towels to her streaming eyes. "I don't know why I'm crying so much."  


"You were just embarrassed in front of everyone," Rose said reasonably. "It's all right to cry."  


"And Brahms Heelshire is a fucking prick who doesn't deserve a second of your time," Lily added. She leaned against the door with her arms folded.  


Shae sniffled. "Why does everybody hate him?"  


Rose sent a worried look over to Lily and then said, "Well, there's... there's a few stories about him floating around. I'm not sure how much of it's true but they don't exactly paint the best picture."  


"What are the stories?" Shae asked. She balled up her paper towel and tossed it into the trash can.  


After Rose looked over at Lily again, Lily sighed and took a few steps away from the door. "Apparently, he's assaulted a few girls. He's got a really bad temper but keeps a lid on it so his parents don't send him to boarding school. I haven't heard anything from anyone I know, it's always a friend of a friend when I hear these things. And... well, I heard he even killed someone but his parents covered it up. I'm not sure how much I believe that one, but his family's rich enough that they probably could buy the police to make the problem go away."  


Shae stared at her friends with wide, horrified eyes. "Jesus, I was alone in my room with him. Our parents were downstairs, but still. He could have..."  


Rose looked troubled. "Maybe none of it's true? He had the chance to hurt you but didn't."  


"Only because there were witnesses close by," Lily argued. "And your door was open, right?"  


Shae nodded. "I still have to go to his house on Saturday. Maybe I should tell my mom about this?"  


Rose sighed. "Maybe. But there's no proof. We don't have any names of anyone he's actually hurt. That's why I've never really believed the Brahms Heelshire rumors. But he's really unpleasant, Shae. Don't try to talk to him anymore, for your sake."  


She looked at her tear streaked face in the mirror. Ugh. She bent over the sink and washed her face. She still felt badly that Brahms didn't have any friends but he'd sent a more than clear message to her today that he wasn't interested. He must have been stewing all week, frustrated by her non-stop nattering. Well, he didn't have to worry about it anymore. Shae wasn't going to try to be his friend, especially if he was a total creep who hurt girls.  


"Can we just ditch and go home now?" Shae asked wearily as she dried her face and blew her nose one last time.  


Lily smiled at her. "I'll go get your stuff."  


"Thanks," Shae said gratefully.  


When Lily went out the door, Rose gave Shae a big hug. "We love you very much, you know."  


Shae pressed her face into Rose's hair and smiled. "I know. I love you two even more."

~*~

Sitting at his desk at home, Brahms tapped at his French textbook with a pencil and read the same paragraph for the third time. Finally he got disgusted and tossed his pencil aside, closing the book. He wasn't going to be able to concentrate, not while he dwelled on his fight with Shae.  


He wished he hadn't snapped at her. She was only being friendly. But Jeremy Benson had taken it into his head that he liked Shae Willingham and ever since Shae had sworn at Jeremy and tended to Brahms's wounds, the other boy had been on a mission to make Brahms's life miserable. It was the same mission that Jeremy had always had, but the abuse had ramped up in intensity. All week, he'd had his textbooks slapped out of his hands between classes and nearly had his homework trampled by several sets of feet before he got it off the ground. Luckily, he'd figured out years ago that he should keep every one of his papers in a clear plastic binder to keep them safe until he could turn them in. Jeremy had given up on that form of torture ages ago so it was weird to see him coming back to it now in their last year of school. The last straw had been today when he'd gone to his locker after gym and found it busted open and his uniform gone. After some searching, he'd discovered that his clothing were up on the roof. The custodian had had to get a ladder in order to get everything down and had grumbled the whole time, as if Brahms had been the one to blame for Jeremy's bullshit.  


He'd been fuming about it while Jeremy and his sycophants had thrown rubbish at him in Independent Study. And then poor, lovely Shae had approached him and sat there chatting so sweetly. He could feel Jeremy's rage building and knew he had to stop her before it got any worse. So he'd stopped her in the meanest way he could and he still hated himself for it.  


Her face had fallen, her eyes so hurt. Brahms wouldn't be surprised if he was the first person to ever be hateful to her. Who would do something like that except for a tosser like him?  


_Go make it right_ , a voice in his head said. It sounded like his father and he usually ignored that voice. But he wasn't going to get anywhere on his homework until he spoke to Shae and at least apologized.  


He stood and went downstairs, pulling his jacket out of the hall closet.  


"Brahms? Where are you going?" his mother called from the lounge.  


"I forgot to write down the homework for one of my classes," he called back to her. "I'm going to ask Shae."  


"All right," she answered back and Brahms shrugged into his coat and went walking through the woods, hands stuffed in his pockets. The walk was quicker without his father; Brahms's legs were much longer and could take longer strides.  


In fifteen minutes, he was at her door and knocked on it. A normal knock. No "shave and a haircut" nonsense.  


The door opened and Shae's mother smiled at him. "Hello, Brahms. How are you?"  


"Fine," Brahms said. He cleared his throat. "Could I see Shae, please?"  


She smiled sadly. "I'll go ask her if she feels up to some company. She had a bad day at school and went straight upstairs, didn't want any tea. Do you know what happened?"  


"A boy was rude to her," Brahms said, honestly.  


"Oh." Joanna frowned. "Well. That's unfortunate. Would you like to step in while I go ask her?"  


Brahms nodded and crossed the threshold when Joanna held the door wide for him. He stood in the entryway awkwardly, staring at one of the pictures on the wall as she went upstairs calling Shae's name. The picture was of Shae, probably when she was about six or seven years old. She was sitting in a wheelbarrow holding a potted sapling in her lap. She grinned, showing gaps where her milk teeth had fallen out.  


"Thanks, Mom," Shae said as she came down the stairs. She was dressed in a white hooded sweatshirt and lounge pants patterned with pastel colored cupcakes. When she got closer, he saw her face was scrubbed free of makeup and he was struck by how lovely she looked. But there was something cautious in her eyes now that hadn't been there before.  


"Hi," Brahms said, feeling foolish.  


"We can talk outside," Shae said. She had on pink fuzzy socks but opened the closet to pull out a pair of red galoshes that she easily stepped into. Then she held the door open for him and waited until he went out first before following him.  


Brahms turned to face her and opened his mouth but Shae spoke first.  


"Look, I'm sorry," Shae said. "I've been getting on your nerves all week. And it sucks. I just... thought that, well, you always look so uncomfortable and out of place. I've been feeling pretty homesick for my old school so I sort of projected those feelings onto you and decided we had a bond when we really didn't. It was immature of me to get as upset as I did and I'm sorry for my outburst in the library. And for all the shitty things I said to you."  


Brahms didn't know how to respond but then said, "What?"  


"I'm sorry," Shae said again. She reached into the pocket of her hoodie and handed something to him. Without looking at it, he accepted it. "Here's this back to you. I deleted it from my phone, too. I'll probably have to talk to you a little tomorrow night to be polite but I won't talk to you again once we're in school." She nodded once and then said, "Bye, Brahms. No hard feelings."  


She went back into the house and shut the door. Brahms looked down at the paper in his hand. It was the picture she'd taken of him. She'd printed it up and put it on her friend wall, but now she'd taken it down.  


Trying to swallow the lump in his throat but failing, Brahms stuffed the picture into his coat pocket and went back through the forest to his house and the homework waiting for him.


	4. Chapter 4

On Saturday, Shae spent the morning helping her mom unpack the rest of the boxes downstairs. Their house was really coming together and even though she still missed their little house by the beach, their little house in the English countryside was nice, too. Around noon, Lily and Rose stopped by to pick her up and they went shopping in town. The first stop was the bookshop where Shae bought a nice new copy of Anna Karenina. They noticed a job vacancy sign in the window so Shae spoke to the owner and had an impromptu job interview in her office. The woman, Margaret, told Shae she'd call her by Wednesday once she'd made her decision.  


After that, they went to a clothing boutique that had just opened and tried on clothes. Shae picked out an off the shoulder hi low dress in burgundy for the Heelshire dinner party. When the salesgirl saw Shae's pick, she darted into the back and returned with matching velvet heels that Shae tried on and ended up buying. She didn't have much money left so they went to the Indian restaurant the twins's mother ran and got a heavily discounted lunch. When they felt they couldn't eat another bite, they paid and went back to Shae's house where they did homework in her room and then watched a few episodes of a teen romance show that had Rose swooning and Lily rolling her eyes.  


All too soon, Shae's mother was knocking on the door. "Sorry to break up the party," Joanna said regretfully. "But Shae and I have to get ready for tonight."  


Shae swallowed nervously. She hadn't told her mother about the allegations against Brahms, mostly because she didn't have any solid proof and her mother disapproved of gossip. She looked to her friends who had sympathetic faces as they packed up their things.  


On the way out, Rose gave Shae a big hug and whispered in her ear, "Stay close to your mum. You'll be fine."  


Shae quickly got dressed and then curled her hair in long, loose curls. She looked at her work critically in the mirror before deciding that it looked just fine. Then she opened her makeup case and went to work creating a golden smoky eye look she'd seen in a magazine and the end result wasn't half bad.  


"Ready, love?" Joanna knocked lightly on Shae's door and opened it. She let out a soft gasp when she saw her daughter and pressed a hand to her chest. "Oh, Shae. You look so beautiful."  


"So do you, Mom." Shae smiled brightly. Her mother was dressed in a long, forest green gown with a mandarin collar and black beading on the bodice. Shae remembered that she'd bought it at a cute little shop on a trip to San Francisco. Her hair was swept up in a simple but elegant updo, exposing the diamond drops that dangled from her ears.  


Joanna came towards Shae and gently smoothed a hand down her hair. "You've grown up so fast. It seems like just yesterday you'd have needed me to curl your hair for you. And then you'd run around with the other children and tear your dress." She laughed and it sounded sad.  


Shae gently took her mother's hand. "I'm not grown up, yet. I still need you to drive me to this party."  


Laughing, Joanna gave Shae's hand a squeeze. "Only because you haven't got a car yet. But point taken. Let's get going, we can't keep our hosts waiting."

~*~

Brahms had had a productive day of his own. He'd gotten most of his homework done in the morning and then spent the rest of the day helping his mother clean the house and take out the good china and the silver. He'd gone about his work silently, offering up monosyllabic responses when his mother would ask about their guests.  


"What part of America do they come from?" Belinda Heelshire asked from the oven where she was checking on the roast.  


"Dunno," Brahms muttered.  


"Well, it's a large country. They could very well be from a part of it we don't know anything about. I suppose we'll have to ask a lot of questions, mmm?" His mother gave him an encouraging smile that Brahms barely returned.  


His father came into the room and sniffed the air. "Smells wonderful, darling."  


"Thank you. Brahms doesn't know where the Willinghams come from."  


"Ah. California, Joanna said. But she's from London herself, moved to the states almost ten years ago." He lifted the cover of a pot on the stove to peer at the boiling vegetables. "Charming pair, the Willinghams. You'll like them."  


Belinda shooed her husband away from the stove top. "Those still need to cook. Brahms, you should go upstairs and get ready. I've laid your suit out on the bed."  


"You didn't have to do that," Brahms mumbled and left the room. His stomach twisted with dread. He didn't want to face Shae again after the nightmare of yesterday. He couldn't get her hurt expression out of his mind, the way her eyes had shimmered with tears before she'd run away from him. God, he was an asshole. Going to her house had done nothing to alleviate his guilt since she hadn't given him a chance to apologize. Just said her piece, handed over the picture, and that was that. He had the picture on top of his dresser; he hadn't known what to do with it. His mother had seen and asked him about it but he'd just shrugged at her. There was no way he was going to explain this to her.  


He shed his jumper and slacks and dressed in the dark brown suit his mother had chosen for him. Black suits were much cooler but he managed to look like an undertaker when he wore them. His tie was burgundy and he stood in the mirror to make a correct Windsor knot like his father had taught him years ago. He sat down on his bed to slip on his shoes which he'd polished earlier in the day.  


Sighing, Brahms stood up once more and went to the mirror to have a look at his face. It was an okay face, he supposed. Bit big on the nose, but he grew more facial hair than most boys he went to school with. He doubted Jeremy Benson had to shave every day like Brahms did. He ran his brush through his hair a few times and decided that that would have to do. He sometimes thought about getting his hair clipped shorter but his mother would only get upset since she was always going on about how sweet his curls were.  


When Brahms came back downstairs, his mother asked him to set the table in their formal dining room. He was just placing the last piece of silverware when there was a knock at the front door.  


His parents hurried to the door and paused a moment so his mother could straighten his father's tie and lapels. They looked so nervous and excited that Brahms felt terrible for them. They never had company and a simple meal with neighbors should never have been built up to this degree. He could remember when his parents had had friends and dinner parties but that had ended years ago. Brahms stood just behind his parents in the entryway as his father threw open the door.  


"Welcome!" Mr. Heelshire said heartily.  


"Hello, Roland," Joanna said. "Thanks for inviting us."  


His face was a little flushed as he said, "Of course, of course. You've very welcome. This is my wife, Belinda. Belinda, this is Joanna Willingham and her daughter Shae."  


"Lovely to meet you," Belinda said and something in her tone caught Brahms's attention. She sounded a little cold, as if she were taking an instant dislike to their guests. "Please, come in out of the cold. Let me take your coats."  


His parents shuffled out of the way to let the Willinghams in and Brahms's heart turned over when he got a look at Shae. She always looked pretty, even when she was half asleep in their first class of the day, but right now she was nothing short of stunning. He swallowed hard and clasped his hands behind his back to still their shaking.  


"What a pretty dress," Belinda said to Shae. Her tone was much more friendly now, interestingly enough. "You match Brahms's tie."  


Shae looked over in his direction and laughed, looking uncomfortable. "I guess I do. Hi, Brahms."  


"Hi," he said and managed to sound normal.  


Joanna handed Mr. Heelshire a bottle of champagne that had a gold ribbon wrapped around it then she shrugged out of her coat and passed it to Belinda, who pointedly made no remark about Joanna's dress. Brahms thought it looked beautiful and was annoyed by his mother's rudeness.  


"Why don't we have a bit of this nice bubbly here in the lounge before dinner?" Mr. Heelshire suggested and then led the way to the room in question. Once everyone was seated he started pouring a few glasses, even for Brahms and Shae though he didn't fill theirs up very far, just enough for them to have a few sips.  


"You have a beautiful home," Joanna said, looking around the room with admiring eyes. "There aren't many country houses like this these days. It's like taking a trip back in time."  


Mr. Heelshire was bursting with pride. "Been in the family for generations," he said. "There's always been a Heelshire here. Would you like a tour?"  


"Oh! Could we? If you don't mind, I don't want to be nosy..."  


"Not at all," he said, standing up again.  


Belinda pursed her lips. "I think I'll stay here, if it's all the same to you, Roland. Dinner is nearly ready."  


He waved his hand dismissively. "It won't take long. Come now, Brahms! Let's show the ladies the house, hmm?"  


Brahms trailed behind the group as they headed for the stairs. He tuned out his father's lecture about various pieces of furniture, how old the staircase was, the family portrait that was painted when Brahms was six, and so on. He looked over at Shae and saw her eyes glazing over.  


At the top of the stairs, his father continued on about the rooms, how they'd served as sick beds for soldiers during World War II and then he casually gestured to the left and said, "And there's Brahms's room. Why don't you show Shae your room, son?" He and Joanna continued on, just the two of them, wrapped up in their history lesson.  


Brahms watched the dismayed look on Shae's face and his heart sank. He ducked into his room and flipped the light switch on. He was usually tidy so there was nothing embarrassing for her to see, but he'd been careful that morning to make sure no underpants were poking out of a drawer and that all of his drawings had been tucked away into his desk.  


Shae was just behind him in the doorway, not coming any farther into the room. She worried her hands together, biting at her lower lip and glancing over her shoulder.  


"Er. Here it is," Brahms said, not knowing what else to say. "My room."  


She nodded. "Kay."  


They stood in silence for a few moments and then Brahms couldn't take it anymore. "Shae, I-- I just-- Yesterday, I wanted to..." She stared at him wide-eyed. God, he couldn't do this. So he covered his eyes with his hands. Maybe it would be easier if he didn't have to look at her. "I'm sorry for how I spoke to you yesterday. You don't get on my nerves. At all. You're very sweet a-and I'm not used to that. I was having a bad day and I took it out on you. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I wish I could take it back. But I can't. All I can do is promise to be friendlier, starting right now. So welcome to my home."  


He felt her little hands tugging at his. "Brahms." She pulled his hands loose from his face and there she was, her eyes gentle. "It's okay. I'm glad you don't hate me."  


"Hate--?! No, no of course not!" He looked around the room and spotted his picture on his dresser. He went over and picked it up and handed it to her. "You can have this back, if you'd like."  


"I don't have anywhere to put it. No pockets." She gestured to the dress.  


"Oh. Right." He stuffed the picture into his own pocket. "I'll hold onto it for you, then. Er, it's a nice dress, by the way. That you're wearing."  


"It matches your tie," she said softly.  


For some reason, he completely blanked on what his tie looked like, forgot his mother's observation from just minutes earlier, and looked down his front in bafflement. Burgundy. Right.  


"Oh. Yeah."  


"Knock, knock!" Roland appeared at the door, his cheeks slightly flushed. "Let's head downstairs and see how dinner's coming along, you two!"  


Shae gave Brahms a little smile and followed his father out of the room. Brahms took a moment to catch his breath and then switched off the light on his way out.

~*~

Downstairs, dinner was served. Shae and Joanna offered to help but Belinda only accepted Shae's help, waving off Joanna's offer. Roland sliced the roast and they passed around the serving dishes of green beans and mashed potatoes. Everything was perfectly nice and bland and Shae smiled politely and said how good it was. Her mother had warned her that English cuisine was going to be different from the food of southern California, but she hadn't been expecting it to be this much of a shock. She'd liked it just fine when she'd lived in England as a small child but small children have basic palettes and don't like complex flavors. She ate her roast with a smile on her face but inside, she was longing for Mrs. Khatri's chicken makhani.  


"How do you find Hodgson College?" Mrs. Heelshire asked Shae.  


Shae lowered her fork gratefully. "It's nice. I still miss my old school but all the teachers here are great. I've known the Khatri twins since I was four years old and I love going to school with them."  


Mrs. Heelshire's smile was sad. "It's wonderful that you already have friends. It's a terrible thing to be lonely."  


Shae looked over at Brahms whose shoulders had started hunching as his mother spoke. Mrs. Heelshire had to know what he'd supposedly done, right? So it was his own fault if he was lonely because everyone was afraid of him. But Shae had known monsters, probably the scariest monster ever, and Brahms didn't even come close. She couldn't reconcile the assault accusations with the boy who'd been so flustered by apologizing he'd had to hide his face in order to get his words out.  


They made more polite conversation, answering questions about California, asking what winter was like in this part of England, hobbies, and so on but Shae half tuned it out. Finally, they finished eating and moved back to the lounge for some after-dinner port. This time, Shae and Brahms weren't given any and they each sat and looked visibly bored as their parents continued to talk. Maybe just a _little_ port would have made this evening less dull.  


Shae was looking around the room when her eyes landed on something that made her gasp in delight.  


The adults paused their conversation to stare at her.  


Shae pointed. "Is that a harpsichord?!"  


"It is," Mr. Heelshire said. "It's been in the family for years."  


"Brahms can play it," Mrs. Heelshire said. "Brahms, why don't you play us something."  


He turned a bright red and looked like he was going to say no so Shae turned to him and said, "Please? I've never seen one played in real life before."  


"If Brahms plays maybe Shae can sing something," Joanna said with a deceptively innocent look on her face.  


Shae rolled her eyes and stood up. "I guess we're the after-dinner entertainment, Brahms."  


He appeared to have decided that if she was willing to put herself on display, he had to be as well. Brahms went to the instrument and sat down, lifting the cover to reveal the keys. Shae went to stand by his side.  


"So uh, what are you going to play?" Shae whispered.  


"I don't know," he said quietly. He stared off into space, thinking, just letting his hands play over the keys for a few moments. Then he looked up at her and his eyes actually appeared to sparkle with a little bit of humor. Then he started to play a tune she recognized and she smiled and nodded when he raised an eyebrow at her.  


"Oh, Brahms," Mrs. Heelshire said, sounding disappointed while Joanna giggled into her hand and Mr. Heelshire chuckled.  


Shae started singing, clasping her hands in front of her in an exaggeratedly choir girl kind of pose.  


_It's 9 'o clock on a Saturday_  
_The regular crowd shuffles in_  
_There's an old man sitting next to me makin' love to his tonic and gin_  
_He said "son can you play me a memory_  
_I'm not really sure how it goes_  
_But it's sad and it's sweet and I knew it complete_  
_When I wore a younger man's clothes"_  


Mr. Heelshire and Joanna joined in on the la de de da's, he tapping his knee and Joanna waving her hands like she was conducting Shae. Mrs. Heelshire sipped her port, looking sour while trying not to look sour.  


_Sing us the song you're the piano man_  
_Sing us the song tonight_  
_Well we're all in the mood for a melody_  
_And you got us feeling all right_  
_Now John at the bar is a friend of mine_  
_He gets me my drinks for free_  
_And he's quick with a joke or to light up your smoke_  
_But there's someplace that he'd rather be_  


Shae held her arms up, fists clenched, all dramatics.  


_He said, "Bill I believe this is killing me"_  
_As a smile ran away from his face_  
_"Well I'm sure that I could be a movie star_  
_If I could get out of this place"_  


This time when she sang the la de da's Mrs. Heelshire joined in as well when she caught the wink that Shae sent her.  


_Now Paul is a real estate novelist_  
_Who never had time for a wife_  
_And he's talkin with Davy_  
_Who's still in the navy_  
_And.... um...._  


Everyone started laughing, even Brahms, as he continued playing even though Shae was waving her hands and saying, "That's all I know! Brahms! That's all I know!"  


"Skip to the end!" Brahms shouted out through his laughter.  


_It's a pretty good crowd for a Saturday_  
_And the manager gives me a smile_  
_Cuz he knows that it's me they've been coming to see_  
_To forget about life for awhile_  
_And the piano sounds like a carnival_  
_And the microphone smells like a beer_  
_And they sit at the bar and put bread in my jar_  
_And say "MAN WHAT ARE YOU DOIN' HERE?!"_  


Shae waved her hands "Okay, everybody, everybody now, don't make it just be me!" And even Brahms joined in on the last chorus.  


_Sing us the song, you're the piano man_  
_Sing us the song tonight_  
_Well we're all in the mood for a melody_  
_And you got us feeling all right_

~*~

Later as they all said goodbye at the door, Brahms surprised Shae by shaking her hand. In the process, he'd passed something papery and crinkly to her and she had a strong suspicion what it was. In the car, by the glow of the dashboard, she opened her hand to see Brahms staring up at her in puzzlement. She felt a rush of affection for the strange, complicated boy.  


 _He may have killed someone._ Her smile fell from her face and she stuffed his picture into her pocket, conflicted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song Brahms and Shae play for their parents is "Piano Man" by Billy Joel. And yeah, he was playing a harpsichord and not a piano but there isn't a Harpsichord Man song so...


	5. Chapter 5

Back at school on Monday, Brahms made good on his promise to be friendlier. When Shae sat down next to him in World Literature, he actually looked up and said hello. She seemed startled but returned the greeting, which was nice. Brahms felt a little proud of himself. Back when he used to see a therapist, she'd brainstorm with him ways to get him out of his shell. One of those ways was just saying hi to people, but unfortunately, you can't come out of your shell if no one is responsive to you. Now, he at least had someone who would say "hi" back.  


But there was an undercurrent of nervousness from her that hadn't been there before. She'd been at the school for a week, she must have heard the rumors about him. He wished that he'd been the one to move, not Shae. If he'd moved to California, gone to Shae's school, he'd be the mysterious new boy. Maybe Shae would have still been drawn to him, wanting to be friendly. Then he could be normal and give her his number and maybe even ask her to the movies one night.  


But driving on the right side of the road? Bit of a scary enterprise, there.  


Also scary: public speaking.  


"Now, class," Madame Whittaker was saying, cheerfully. "I want you to get into pairs for a new, fun project! You're going to write a one act play, all in French, based on everything we've learned so far."  


Jeremy Benson snorted from his seat in the back. "Miss, class has only just started."  


Madame Whittaker raised her eyebrows. "This is A-levels, Mr. Benson. You must know _something_. This is just a fun way for me to get an idea of your skill level without having to test you. Eh? Bit nicer than having to sit an exam, right?"  


Brahms would much rather take a paper test and hand it in. He wasn't going to get a partner, except if someone was absent today and Madame Whittaker assigned them to him. That's what always happened for group projects.  


"One more thing," Madame Whittaker said, holding up her hands and stilling everyone who'd started getting out of their seats. "I've noticed you always seem to work with the same people. Today, I want you to choose someone you _haven't_ worked with before."  


Loud groans erupted around the room which Madame Whittaker ignored. "Get out of your comfort zones, people! _À vaincre sans péril, on triomphe sans gloire_!*"  


Now everyone looked uncomfortable, glancing around the room. Brahms also looked around curiously and noticed Jeremy leering in Shae's direction. The boy lurched up out of his seat and made as if to go in her direction. Other people around Shae appeared to notice this, and one boy who'd been about to approach sat back down swiftly.  


Brahms didn't know what came over him, but he stood suddenly and called across the room, "Shae!"  


She looked over at him, her eyes questioning.  


"Partners?" he asked, gesturing between she and him.  


Heads turned to Jeremy Benson who paused in mid-step, a look of disbelief on his face. Even Madame Whittaker watched this development with interest.  


"Okay," Shae said, seemingly unaware of everything. She closed her notebook and got up to sit next to Brahms in an empty desk. Jeremy gaped at the two of them and then openly scoffed, turning to another girl. The drama was seemingly over and therefore no longer interesting, so everyone went back to choosing their partners. Shae looked at Brahms expectantly. "What do we want to do our project on?"  


Brahms scratched at the back of his neck. "Er, I was hoping you'd have an idea."  


Shae bit her lip a moment and then her face lit up. "How about we're meeting for the first time on a blind date?"  


He felt his face heat up. "Oh. Er... I've never been on a blind date."  


"Neither have I. But I've seen enough movies and stuff." Shae flipped through her notebook and started giggling. "How about we meet up and I'm a total disappointment? Like I totally catfished you and I'm nothing like my profile picture?"  


How could she ever be a disappointment? He gave her a somewhat doubtful look. "I guess..."  


"Well, it's just an idea," she said, sensing that he wasn't completely on board. "Or we could do a restaurant scenario. You be the waiter, I be the diner. That should be easy enough."  


Brahms frowned a little. "Maybe too easy."  


Shae gave him an exasperated look. "Well, what do you want to do? Besides shit on my ideas."  


"I'm not--!" He gave up and took a deep breath. "Let's go with your first idea. It's original and Madame Whittaker will like it."  


"Okay. So I show up to the date and you check and double check that my name is really... hm. How about Camille? And then you're like, 'I thought you'd be taller.' Hmmm, past tense of think..." Shae tapped on her cheek with her pencil, flipping through the textbook. " _Je pensais que tu serais plus grand_?"  


Brahms nodded. "That sounds right."  


She gave him a bright smile and they came up with a little sketch that was actually kind of funny. At least, she giggled several times especially when he suggested that he hold a different picture of her and keep looking from it to her all through the conversation.  


Eventually, the bell rang and everyone started stuffing their books into their bags.  


"Good work today, everyone!" Madame Whittaker called over the din of them all packing up. "I heard a lot of creative stuff from you. Your homework is to work on this project! We'll start presenting on Friday!" This elicited more groans which Madame Whittaker turned a deaf ear to and instead started busily shuffling papers together on her desk.  


Shae stood, holding her books. "I'll see you in Independent Study, Brahms."  


"Yeah. See you then," Brahms answered. He stayed sitting, looking up at her as she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. She gave him a tentative smile and then turned and walked away. Once she was gone, he stood up and tucked his books carefully and tightly under his arm.  


And yet when he reached the hallway, he still lost his books when the violent shove to his back knocked him to his knees.  


"Careful, Brahmsy!" Jeremy Benson called in a high, trilling voice. "You might hurt yourself!"  


There were a few giggles and Brahms hunched his shoulders, looking around. He spotted one of his textbooks against the wall and went to pick it up. Before he got there, Jeremy's foot kicked the book down the hall, sending the pages flapping.  


"Oopsy poopsy!" Jeremy trilled in the same irritating voice. "How clumsy of me!"  


Grinding his teeth, Brahms went after the book again. This time he was permitted to pick it up. Unfortunately, he wasn't able to find the other one. At least, not until he looked around and saw that Jeremy was holding it, flipping through the pages with a faux studious look on his face.  


"Wow, Brahms. This is a very nice book. Trigonometry, hm? All those sines and cosines. Fascinating stuff." He continued to flip through the pages and Brahms's stomach sank. If the asshole was going to rip the pages out, Brahms wished he'd just get it over with. The anticipation of the damage was going to be worse than the actual damage, a fact that Jeremy was aware of as he looked up at Brahms with a wicked glint in his eye. "I'll bet your parents could buy you a new one."  


Brahms hunched his shoulders.  


"Nothing to say? You've sure had a lot to say lately, Brahmsy." His voice went low and dangerous as he walked closer. He wasn't quite as tall as Brahms but he wasn't short, either. He still had to tip his chin up a little bit to talk to him, which only added an angry flush to Jeremy's cheeks. His voice lowered so the other students couldn't hear him. "It ends here, Brahms. Don't ever come at me again. And stay the fuck away from Shae Willingham. Or I can make things at this school very, very difficult for you." He suddenly smiled and handed the book to Brahms. "There ya go, mate! Take better care of your stuff." He clapped Brahms jovially on the arm and then tipped his head to his mates so they all went walking off together.  


People were still staring so Brahms did what he always did; ignored them and went along to his next class.

~*~

Shae went over her history notes with Lily at their usual table. It was near the windows and sometime in the afternoon, the sun had come out, so lovely yellow light bounced off all the mahogany in the room, making her heart lift a little bit. She kept thinking about French class, about how much fun she'd had with Brahms. His face was transformed when he smiled, his usual cautious and closed-off expression becoming so open and sweet.  


But he attacks girls. That was the crux of the problem. It would be easier if there were actual girls Lily and Rose could point to and say yes, those are the ones. No names and not even a vague description of anyone made the stories less easy to believe. There had to be a grain of truth somewhere, though. People didn't just socially ostracize someone for nothing. Did they?  


"Shae? Wake up!" Lily said.  


Shae shook her head. "Oh. Sorry, I was just um, thinking about something else. Uh, where were we?"  


"Ancient Greece," Lily said, sounding amused. "You were somewhere more modern, though, weren't you?"  


Rose looked up from her biology textbook, smiling. "I heard Jeremy Benson fancies you, Shae."  


"Who?" Shae asked.  


Malcolm nodded across the room. He was indicating the table of boys who only dicked around for the hour, usually harassing Brahms. One boy in particular Shae recognized as the one who'd made that idiotic crack when Brahms had fallen. This was Jeremy Benson, then. The ringleader of the idiots. He was handsome enough with golden blonde hair and a square, movie star jaw. But he had mean eyes that lit with malicious excitement whenever he was about to do something shitty.  


"Gross," Shae said and looked back at her laptop.  


Lily and Malcolm burst out laughing but Rose said, "He's actually pretty nice once you get to know him."  


"No interest in getting to know him, Rose. Sorry." Shae gave her friend a little smile.  


Rose smiled back and shrugged, returning to her reading.  


"You think everyone's nice when you get to know them," Lily said affectionately.  


"Most everyone has a good side," Rose said, not taking her eyes from the page. "Sometimes you just have to look a little harder to see it."  


Shae looked across the room at Brahms. He was again, by himself, tapping away at his laptop. Sensing her gaze, he looked over at her. When their eyes met, she raised a hand in a little hello, smiling.  


He seemed to glance over at Jeremy Benson and then wavered a moment, indecision on his face. But then he sat up a little straighter and waved back at her.  


With a nice, warm feeling in her chest, Shae went back to Ancient Greece with Lily and paid closer attention this time.

~*~

After school, Brahms went home and finished the rest of his homework. He'd actually been able to get work done in Independent Study since Jeremy had decided to leave him alone. He must not have seen Brahms and Shae waving at each other, otherwise that class period wouldn't have been as peaceful as it had been.  


Once that was finished, Brahms went downstairs, thinking he might get a quick snack from the kitchen. He heard his mother in the lounge and frowned. He thought he heard ice clinking. Curious, he walked into the room and found her just standing there, staring out the window and sipping at a drink in her hand. His mother never drank during the day.  


"Mum?" he asked cautiously.  


She spun around, eyes wide, but relaxed when she saw who it was. "Oh. Hello, darling. Is your school work finished?"  


"Yes." He wondered if he should ask how she was but realized that he didn't think he could handle the answer. "I was, um. Going to get something from the kitchen."  


"Don't fill up before dinner," she said automatically.  


That was the mother he knew, day drinking aside, and he relaxed a little. "I won't. Just an apple, maybe. Then I was going to go over to Shae's." He didn't know why he said that, he hadn't been intending that at all. But their homework was this stupid French play so why not go over there to work on it?  


A smile spread across his mother's face. "Is she your friend, darling?"  


Brahms nodded slowly. "I think so, yes."  


"Good. I'm so happy for you. She's really a very lovely girl." His mother set her drink down on the table and sat down in a chair. She picked up the book she must have discarded earlier. "Tell her hello for me. And don't stay long, dinner's only in a few hours."  


"Right. Bye, Mum." Brahms grabbed an apple from the kitchen and then crossed back through the house for his coat and clattered down the front stairs, apple in mouth and shrugging into the coat. He'd consumed most of the apple by the time he got to Shae's door and knocked.  


She opened it, wearing a blue plaid flannel shirt and leggings. Her hair was in a braid draped over one shoulder. She looked so casual and adorable that Brahms could only admire her for a moment. Her eyes went wide when she saw him.  


"Oh! What are you--"  


"I thought we could work on our play," Brahms said. He suddenly felt stupid for not calling. What if she already had friends over?  


"Yeah, that was... that was our homework. But um, the thing is, my mom's not home." Shae folded her arms and looked up at him apologetically, a flush spreading across her cheeks. "So I can't have anyone in. It's... the rules. You know."  


Brahms nodded. "Okay. How about you come over to mine, then? It isn't a long walk."  


"Oh." Fear, real fear registered on her face and he realized she knew. Otherwise the thought of walking through the woods with him wouldn't be so terrifying. It was probably why she wasn't letting him in the house, either. She was afraid to be alone with him.  


His stomach twisted in knots and he nodded. "It's kind of late for that, isn't it. Getting dark soon. I get it. I'll see you in school, Shae." Brahms turned away.  


"Brahms..." Shae called after him, sounding troubled.  


"It's okay, Shae," he said, heavily. "We can work on this tomorrow. I'll see you."  


He walked away into the woods and once he was out of her view, he chucked his apple core away from him as hard as he could.

~*~

Shae watched him go and then closed the door. After a moment, she locked it. Then she curled up on the sofa and unpaused her movie. If he'd been planning on hurting her, wouldn't he have been more insistent that she go with him? When she'd turned him down, wouldn't he have gotten angry or called her a bitch or something else equally as unpleasant?  


She realized that she had to get to the bottom of this. She had to know the truth about Brahms, and Lily and Rose weren't going to be able to help her. Squaring her jaw, Shae wrapped her arms around her knees and watched her film while mentally composing the questions she was going to start asking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * "To conquer without risk is to triumph without glory" - Pierre Cornielle
> 
> I'm already regretting having these kids take French since I know little to nothing of the French language. So if my French is badwrong feel free to correct me and I'll fix it up.


	6. Chapter 6

In World Literature, Shae was polite to Brahms and he was polite back but the caution had returned to his eyes. It hurt Shae to see it there but until she had some cold, hard facts she couldn't be his best friend or anything else, either. She got through the rest of the morning just fine and then at lunch, Shae sat at her usual table with her friends.  


"Malcolm," Shae said firmly, plunking her tray down on the table.  


He looked up from the shepherd's pie and quirked an eyebrow. "Shae," he rejoined and smiled when Rose laughed.  


"You've lived here, what, all your life?" Shae opened her milk carton but didn't take her eyes off of Malcolm.  


Malcolm brought a great fork full of mashed potato and meat up to his face and ate it with great gusto, nodding. "Yeah," he said, mouth full. "Well, moved here when I was a baby but basically my whole life."  


"So what's the deal with Brahms," she said matter of factly. "Is he a serial rapist?"  


"Shae!" Rose exclaimed, looking scandalized.  


"That's what you guys made him out to be!" Shae snapped, refusing to feel guilty for the hurt look on Rose's face.  


Lily scowled. "We didn't say that, we just said there were rumors."  


Shae ignored her and focused back on Malcolm who looked like a deer in the headlights. "So what's the story, Malcolm? The true story. You've lived here forever, you have to know something."  


Malcolm swallowed his mouthful of food and set his fork down, slightly pushing his tray away. "There's only one confirmed attack on a girl. That's it."  


"One is still too many!" Rose exclaimed and Lily nodded her agreement.  


"I agree," Malcolm said. "But the thing is, he was only eight."  


Shae folded her arms on the table. "Let's hear the story and get some context, Malcolm."  


He sighed. "Fine. But it's not a happy story."  


"Kinda figured. Spill."  


Malcolm looked around at the girls and then leaned forward, keeping his voice down. "So, way back in primary, Brahms was tormented by the kids in school. He was odd. Didn't know how to fit in, said weird shit. Harmless, though. Everyone picked on him and he didn't really have any friends. The only exception was a girl called Emily Cribbs. Her parents would drive her out to the manor to play with Brahms. I don't know how that came about, probably something the mothers dreamed up together so Brahms wouldn't be so lonely. Then, on Brahms's eighth birthday, he and Emily had a fight out in the woods. No one knows what it was about, but Brahms came at Emily with a rock. She tripped and fell which ended up saving her life because he missed bashing her head in, only just grazing her temple. The blow broke skin, though. She ran back to the house crying and told the adults all about what happened."  


"Dear lord," Lily breathed and shared a horrified look with Shae.  


"The Cribbs family sued the Heelshires. They could have taken them for all they were worth but they settled for enough money to move away from the area and that Brahms would be required to get therapy. I remember when it happened, my mum told me she didn't want me playing with Brahms. I never had, of course, we weren't even in the same classes, but I don't think my mum was the only one telling her kids that. And over the years, Brahms has become more and more of a bogey man. 'Watch out for Brahms Heelshire, he tried to kill someone.' Like all stories, this one grew out of proportion and now it's what, he's attacked scores of girls? When could he; he never leaves his house except to go to school and everyone avoids him. So that's what it is, Shae. Make of it what you will."  


Shae blinked a few times and sat up, unfolding her arms. "He lost his temper once when he was eight? That's it?"  


"As far as I know," Malcolm replied.  


It wasn't great but she felt better knowing that he'd at least had some therapy after the incident. Maybe some anger management? He'd been very strongly tested ever since and hadn't snapped once, no matter how much Jeremy Benson pushed him.  


"Thank you, Malcolm," Shae said. She picked up her fork and proceeded to unenthusiastically eat her own lunch.

~*~

Brahms stared at his desktop and considered skipping Independent Study at the end of the day. He usually finished the bulk of his homework at lunch, anyway. Jeremy Benson didn't eat in the cafeteria so Brahms was granted at least an hour of peace a day while Benson and his goons ate their home brought lunches out at their cars and listened to loud music on their stereos. It wouldn't hurt anything to leave early and have an extra hour of free time. Maybe drive around a little before heading home.  


There was a loud screech of metal on tile as someone sat down at the desk next to him. His head whipped up and there was Shae, smiling at him. Her eyes were bright and he was so confused; one day she's terrified of him, the next she's acting as if he's her best mate.  


"Hey," she said. "Wanna skip Independent Study with me?"  


"Er," he said eloquently, sitting up straight. "With you?"  


"Yeah," she said. "We can go to my house and work on our lines. Maybe figure out costumes."  


Brahms glanced to the back of the room and saw Jeremy Benson slouched back in his chair, staring hard at Brahms and Shae. Aw, fuck him. He turned back to Shae and said, "Yeah, okay. Sounds good."  


"Great!" She tilted her head at him. "Mind if I sit here? There's no seating chart or anything but the guy who sits behind me kinda breathes through his mouth a lot and it's really gross to listen to. I know some people can't help it, like they have some kind of problem with their septum or allergies that make it hard to breathe through their nose but I hate hearing it. It distracts me from what the teacher's saying and you're so lovely and quiet that I thought I'd like it better over here?"  


Brahms found himself smiling. "Wow, do you go on."  


Shae blushed a little and laughed. "Sorry. I guess I'm still worried that I get on your nerves."  


His smile faded. "I'm sorry."  


"No, don't be!" She leaned toward him, face earnest. "But if I do ever bother you--"  


"You won't. You couldn't possibly." He shook his head at her.  


She sat back and smiled at him. "Okay."  


Madame Whittaker entered the room then in her usual whirlwind of papers and enthusiasm, short blonde hair flying. " _Bonjour_!"  


" _Bon jour_ ," the class replied.  


"Right!" She dropped her papers and books onto her desk and beamed at them. "Let's do some vocabulary and conjugation then!" She shrugged out of her jacket and tossed it onto the back of her chair. "And maybe at the end we'll have a little time for some prep work on your presentations. How's that sound?" When there was no response, she said brightly, "Good! Now, let's begin with a song!" She passed around the lyrics for them and then went to her laptop where she hit play and gentle guitar music filled the room. Then she put her hands on her hips and started singing along, loudly and slightly off key. The class was rather put off by this display but Shae sat up and sang along loudly but perfectly in key, attempting to drown out Madame Whittaker who only looked delighted by Shae's performance and backed off to let her sing.  


_Suzanne t'emmène_  
_Écouter les sirènes_  
_Elle te prend par la main_  
_Pour passer une nuit sans fin_  
_Tu sais qu'elle est à moitié folle_  
_C'est pourquoi tu veux rester_  
_Sur un plateau d'argent_  
_Elle te sert du thé au jasmin_  
_Et quand tu voudrais lui dire_  
_Tu n'as pas d'amour pour elle_  
_Elle t'appelle dans ses ondes_  
_Et laisse la mer répondre_  
_Que depuis toujours, tu l'aimes_  
_Tu veux rester à ses côtés_  
_Maintenant, tu n'as plus peur de voyager_  
_Les yeux fermés_  
_Une flamme brûle dans ton coeur_  


Brahms joined in in a low harmony, attempting the original Leonard Cohen version but of course in French rather than English. Their harmonizing drew a few admiring looks and mostly bemused stares but Shae and Brahms didn't notice as they looked down at their lyric sheets and gave one another secret smiles.  


_Il était un pécheur_  
_Venu sur la terre_  
_Qui a veillé très longtemps_  
_Du haut d'une tour solitaire_  
_Quand il a compris_  
_Que seuls les hommes perdus le voyaient_  
_Il a dit qu'on voguerait_  
_Jusqu'à ce que les vagues nous libèrent_  
_Mais lui-même fut brisé_  
_Bien avant que le ciel s'ouvre_  
_Délaissé et presque un homme_  
_Il a coulé sous votre sagesse_  
_Comme une pierre_  
_Tu veux rester à ses côtés_  
_Maintenant, tu n'as plus peur de voyager_  
_Les yeux fermés_  
_Une flamme brûle dans ton coeur_  


Once they reached the end of the song, there was an awkward pause. Then Madame Whittaker said, "Lovely! So what were we all just singing, then? Translation time!"  


Everyone picked up their pens and started going line by line through the song and they all forgot about Brahms' and Shae's duet for the moment. Except for one student, who sat seething in the back. Brahms glanced over his shoulder at Jeremy and would have felt afraid of the dark hatred turning the boy's face brick red if it wasn't for the sudden realization that he didn't give a shit anymore. Shae was his friend and Jeremy Benson would just have to fucking deal with it.  


Smiling, Brahms bent his head to his work, looking forward to the end of the day even more so than usual.

~*~

Shae waited in front of the school for Brahms, bouncing on the balls of her feet. She'd told Lily in history that she wasn't going to her last class and not to wait for her after school. When she'd explained why, Lily had laughed and shook her head.  


"You really like this boy, don't you, Shae?"  


"I... Um. I think I do," Shae said, finally admitting it to herself. She liked his curls, his hands, his soft speaking voice, the way he said her name, and his smile. Oh, his smile. It made his eyes crinkle in the best possible way. "Don't tell him, though. I'll tell him myself, but I have a feeling this is going to be a long process. I'll probably spook him if I make a move now."  


Lily snorted. "You make him sound like a horse."  


"A wild stallion?" They'd both gotten the giggles and been reprimanded by the professor.  


Now here she was, waiting for Brahms. Where was he? He finally came out the doors and walked over to her, shoulders hunched. She got a look at his face and gasped. His right eye was swollen shut.  


"Brahms! What happened?"  


"Got an injury in gym," he said quietly. "Let's go."  


"But..." Shae walked beside him to the car park, her heart racing. "That looks terrible. Shouldn't you go to the nurse's for--"  


"It's fine," he said sharply. He pressed a button on his key fob and the headlights of a nice black car blinked. "This is me."  


Shae didn't move. "Are you going to be able to drive?"  


"Yes. I've driven with a black eye before."  


"Oh, Brahms." Shae felt tears forming in her eyes and tried to blink them away but didn't really succeed.  


He took one look at her and his face fell. "Maybe we should do this another day."  


She sniffled and shook her head. "No. Let me drive, though."  


Brahms clenched his jaw tightly for a moment and then snapped, "Fine." He tossed the keys to her and circled the car to the passenger side where Shae was still standing. "Well? Go on, then."  


Shae bit her lip, looking up into his angry, embarrassed face and then nodded. "Okay. I'm a good driver, I promise." She got in on the driver's side and started up the car with no difficulty. The stereo came on, blasting out opera music. Wincing, Shae turned the volume down.  


"So um, what's this, then?" Shae asked as she pulled out of the parking space.  


"Marschner's _Der Vampyr_. It's about a vampire lord who has to sacrifice three virgins in twenty-four hours or he dies. Then he goes on a seduction murder rampage."  


Shae made a face. "Um, okay. Can we turn it off?"  


Brahms laughed quietly and pushed a button to stop the music. "Sorry. I usually listen to it in the autumn."  


"Getting in the mood for Halloween?" Shae asked, driving them through town. She glanced over at Brahms. "I didn't think that was as big of a thing here. I can't believe October is only two weeks away."  


"Halloween isn't as popular over here, no. But, um, I don't know. I kind of like it." He cleared his throat. "And it's my birthday."  


Shae looked over at him in surprise. "Your birthday is October 31st?"  


"Er. Yes."  


She smiled brightly. "We should have a party for you! A Halloween costume birthday party. That could be really fun."  


"I don't think anyone would come," Brahms said, looking out the window.  


"Well, you wouldn't want everyone to come," Shae said gently. "I get that. We could just have people that you like be there."  


Brahms rubbed his hands up and down his thighs. "I don't really like anyone."  


"That could change by next month," Shae said and then let the subject drop. "Could you put on the radio, maybe? Something contemporary would be nice, and with fewer vampire blood orgies, please."  


Laughing lightly, Brahms put on the radio and they sat back and listened to inoffensive top 40 hits the rest of the way to Shae's house.

~*~

When they got out of the car, Brahms noticed that Shae's mother's car was nowhere in sight. He looked at Shae out of the corner of his eye as she pulled her house key from the lanyard around her neck and unlocked her front door.  


"I thought you couldn't have company when your mother wasn't home," Brahms said.  


Shae paused but then turned and gave him a little smile. "Mom knows you're here. I texted her at lunch today and asked if we could work on homework. She said yes so long as we stay downstairs."  


"Okay," Brahms said. It sounded truthful enough. "Where is your mother these days?"  


"She's started working at the hospital in Trenton. She's a nurse. It's going to be weird hours for her for awhile." She unlocked the door and pushed it open, stepping in and waving him forward.  


Inside, he saw that they'd finished unpacking. It was tidy and cute, everything in navy blue and gold, the wood of the furniture light in color. More pictures of Shae had been put on display and he admired one in particular of her probably from only a couple years ago. She was wearing a floor length black gown that glittered, her hair in long curls.  


Shae noticed him looking. "That's from one of my choir concerts. I had a solo. God, I was so nervous."  


"You have a beautiful singing voice," Brahms said, honestly. He smiled when she looked pleased. "It's unexpected. Your voice I mean. I mean, it's lower than you'd think." He thought Shae's low, throaty voice was sexy but hopefully he wouldn't blurt that out anytime soon.  


"Yeah, because I'm so short, everyone thinks I should sound like I'm on helium." Shae rolled her eyes but smiled. "Let's work in the kitchen. I want a snack. Do you?"  


Brahms nodded and Shae led the way into the kitchen. There was a bowl of fruit on the table and Shae offered to split an orange with him, which he accepted. She took a few minutes to slice the orange up into quarters and gave him two pieces. As he put one in his mouth, she went to the freezer and pulled out an ice cube tray. She took three of them out and slid them into a plastic zip lock bag and then wrapped a clean dishtowel around it all. She came back to him and handed it to him.  


"For your eye," she said softly.  


"Oh. Er. Thanks." Brahms gingerly pressed the ice pack to his swollen eye.  


They sat down at the table and ran through their lines a few times. Their sketch only took about two minutes, the maximum time Madame Whittaker had allowed them, so they didn't have much to memorize. Shae encouraged him to eat more fruit and he popped a few grapes into his mouth to satisfy her.  


Suddenly, she stood up. "Hey, we should figure out our costumes. Come on."  


He followed her out of the room and to the stairs and paused. "I thought we could only stay downstairs," Brahms reminded her.  


She turned to face him squarely. "Are you going to seduce me?"  


Blood rushed to his face and his heart nearly stopped. "What?!"  


Shae shrugged and turned back around. "So it's fine. Come on."  


Still shaken by her off the wall question, Brahms hesitated before following her. They ended up in her room, which like the downstairs, was fully unpacked now. She went to her closet and took down a box.  


"This is my old drama stuff. I have a wig here somewhere. Ah!" She pulled out a blonde wig and placed it on her head. "Huh? How's this for my catfish picture?"  


Brahms smiled at the sight of her red hair peeking through the blonde. "Lovely."  


"I know, right? Oooh, and this!" She pulled out a long cigarette holder and long black gloves. "Very Parisian, _n'est-ce pa_?"  


" _Oui_ ," Brahms agreed.  


Shae suddenly started pushing him out of the door. "Let me change. I'll be out in a second."  


In the hallway with the door slammed in his face, Brahms stuffed his hands in his pockets and tried not to picture Shae out of her clothes. He failed. Unfortunately, the thought made him feel a little excited and he stood there willing his sudden erection away. He'd mostly succeeded in getting it to stop by picturing Jeremy Benson kissing Shae when Shae threw the door open.  


She was dressed in a red gown with a feather boa wrapped around her shoulders, the wig more securely on her head without her real hair showing, red strappy heels on her feet, and the gloves and cigarette holder in her hands. She grinned at him.  


"What do you think?"  


"I think I'm about to get catfished," he said, making her laugh.  


They went downstairs and then outside to the back garden. There was a brick wall there with ivy crawling up it that Shae declared perfect for their purpose. She posed in front of the wall, a sexy, insolent pout on her face as she held her cigarette holder to her lips, one hand on her hip as she tilted her jaw defiantly upwards. Brahms took a picture with her phone and then handed it back.  


"Perfect," Shae chuckled once she saw the screen.  


"How should I dress?" Brahms asked.  


"Mmm. Still wear your school uniform. But maybe take off the jacket. And maybe a vest? Like some snazzy vest."  


Brahms thought of a purple vest his mother had gotten him for Christmas last year that he'd never worn. "I have just the thing."  


"Great! It's all coming together, then." Shae led the way into the house. "I guess we're done. Did you want to hang out for awhile or do you need to go home?"  


"I can stay," Brahms said.  


"Cool. I'm gonna go get changed and we can finish our homework in the living room. I'm kind of in the mood for cartoons."  


Brahms sat down on the sofa and waited for Shae to come back. He pressed his melting ice pack to his eye and sighed. Jeremy had been livid in gym; they'd played netball and ended up on opposite teams. At some particularly heated moment when everyone had been watching their teammates, Jeremy had tripped Brahms and once he was down, drove his elbow into Brahms's eye. Mr. Smith had blown his whistle repeatedly, running over to Brahms and ordered Jeremy to the showers early. Then he'd had Brahms sit out the rest of the game with a can of Coke he'd gotten from the vending machine in the hall for him to hold to his eye. He wasn't looking forward to his parents seeing this. They already worried so much.  


Shae came back into the room dressed in jeans and a pale pink jumper. He found himself smiling despite his injury and sat up a little straighter. She sat down next to him on the sofa and reached for the remote.  


"Here we go," she said. "I hope you like The Powerpuff Girls."  


He didn't, but watching her happiness as she watched the program, scratching away at Calculus homework, and turning to him often to make a little remark or go off on a long, silly tangent, he realized he didn't care what was on the telly. It could have been the longest, dullest news report on the planet and it wouldn't have mattered. He was with Shae. She was beautiful in every way there was. And he was falling in love with her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song is Leonard Cohen's "Suzanne" as covered by Francoise Hardy. There's way too much for me to translate but if you want the basic gist of what she's saying, just listen to Cohen's version. It's a gorgeous song.


	7. Chapter 7

The rest of the week was uneventful, except for Wednesday when Shae's phone went off between classes. It was Margaret from the bookshop telling Shae that she'd gotten the job and she could start on Saturday. She was thrilled and jumped up and down with Rose while squealing. Rose was already excited anyway because the 90s themed dance had been announced for the last weekend in September and Malcolm had asked her.  


On Friday, she and Brahms gave their French presentation and it got quite a few laughs and Madame Whittaker was very pleased. She pulled Brahms aside after class and when Shae tried to ask Brahms about it later, he'd only blushed and said it wasn't anything to worry about.  


Now it was Saturday and Shae's mother gave her a ride to work on her way to the hospital. Joanna gave Shae a little kiss on the cheek and wished her luck. Since it was Shae's first day, Margaret mostly had her in the back office going over paperwork and such. It took hours and was even more boring than school but at the end of it, Margaret took Shae to the register and showed her how to use it. It wasn't much different from the ones Shae had used in other retail jobs and she caught on quickly.  


"Well, love, I'm going to pop off to the shops and see about lunch for us. You fancy a sandwich?" Margaret asked, shrugging into her jacket.  


"Yes, please," Shae said, smiling.  


"I'll only be ten minutes," Margaret said. "I've got my mobile so ring me if there's any problems. I have faith in you, though."  


Shae nodded. "Okay. Thanks, Margaret."  


Margaret went out the door and Shae sighed. There weren't very many customers at this hour. Margaret said they tended to show up early in the morning or after lunch. Instead of standing behind the counter like an idiot, Shae looked around and found a duster and a stool. She couldn't imagine the tops of the shelves got dusted very often here and found out that was the case pretty immediately.  


As she dusted, the bell on the door chimed and Shae quickly popped her head around the shelf. "Welcome in!"  


Jeremy Benson stood there, hands in his pockets. He smiled a little and it should have been charmingly awkward but she'd already seen how nasty he could be and wasn't fooled.  


"Hi," Shae said. "Did you need help finding anything today?"  


"No, I've found what I was looking for." His smile widened and Shae had to suppress a shudder. "How are you, Shae?"  


Shae coughed a little. "Fine, other than choking on dust."  


He laughed and walked over to her, leaning against the shelf with his right shoulder. This move managed to box her into the alcove and alarm bells started sounding in her head. No nice boy blocked your exit when he wanted to talk to you.  


"So I wanted to ask you something," Jeremy said, voice warm. His blue eyes shone with admiration as he looked her over. She was fully dressed but she still felt his gaze like a physical thing as he raked her over. She was in a black jumper with a red plaid skirt, black tights, and black velvet flats. It was a perfectly nice outfit but he made her feel like she was wearing nothing.  


"Oh?" Shae said politely.  


He looked into her eyes and asked, "Would you go to the dance with me?"  


"The dance?" Shae repeated him, stalling for time. Oh, shit. How could she get out of this?  


"Yeah. The dance. The only dance this season?" His voice got a little sarcastic but he struggled to keep a sweet look on his face. "So what do you think?"  


Shae thought fast and gave him an apologetic smile. "Oh, Jeremy, I'm sorry. I wish you'd asked me sooner, but I've already got a date."  


"With who?" Jeremy asked in disbelief.  


"Brahms Heelshire," Shae said.  


Jeremy's face went dark red. "Are you fucking joking?"  


Shae cringed back. "No?"  


"You actually like that pathetic creep?" Jeremy's face twisted with distaste. "You know he's a sexual sadist, right? He's attacked every girl he's ever met."  


"That's not true!" Shae snapped back at him. "Stop spreading lies about him!"  


Jeremy smirked. "He can't fight his own battles so he needs you to do it for him?"  


"It's not--! He's just--! You don't know the first thing about him!"  


"Oh and you move here a few weeks ago and you're an expert?"  


Shae tossed her hair back defiantly. "Maybe I am!"  


The door chimed open and they both looked around. It was Brahms in the doorway and when he saw the two of them together, Jeremy towering over Shae, and Shae looking red-faced and upset, his expression darkened.  


Shae quickly recovered and pushed Jeremy aside as she purred in a sex kitten voice, "There you are. I was wondering when you were coming by to see me."  


The two boys stared at her in disbelief as she hip switched her way to Brahms and then wrapped her arms around his shoulders, nuzzling her face into his neck. She felt Brahms gasp and started kissing gently up his neck to his jawline and whispered, "Please go along with this."  


Brahms's arms circled around her as she kissed his cheek and then stood on tip toe to press the tip of her nose to his. "I've missed you," she breathed.  


"I've... missed you," Brahms answered, his eyes wide.  


"Margaret's gone out for lunch," Shae said in a low, seductive tone. "Wanna go into the back with me?"  


His Adam's apple bobbed and he nodded.  


Smiling with wicked promise shining in her eyes, she took Brahms by the hand and then looked coolly over at Jeremy. "Just ring the bell if you need any assistance," she said and tugged Brahms behind the counter and through the curtain that blocked the backroom.  


Shae stood there beside Brahms, shaking and clutching his hand until the front door slammed open, the bells chiming crazily as Jeremy stormed out. Then she shut her eyes and pressed a hand to her chest, feeling her pounding heartbeat.  


"Oh my god," she said shakily. "He just cornered me and... god, it was awful."  


"Are you all right?" Brahms asked, not sounding entirely steady himself.  


She turned to face him, her eyes shining with tears. "I'm sorry about that. I wasn't playing with you, I just needed a distraction to get him to back off. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable."  


"Shae, you didn't," Brahms said gently. He still held her hand and gave it a light squeeze. "You didn't, it's okay."  


Sniffling, Shae looked around and found a chair. She dropped his hand and went to sit down, exhaling a long, trembling breath. Then she looked up into his face and saw the concern in his eyes and felt like crying all over again. But she did her best to pull herself together.  


"He was asking me to the dance," Shae said.  


"Oh." Brahms nodded.  


"I, uh. I told him that I already had a date." She bit her lip, looking at him guiltily.  


Brahms took a second and then pointed to himself. "Me?"  


She nodded once. "You."  


"So uh... so uh, does that..."  


Shae gave him a sad smile. "This isn't the best way to do this, but Brahms, would you like to go to the dance with me?"  


"I can't dance," he said automatically.  


"No one can, they just think they do." Shae rubbed her hands down her skirt and gave him an encouraging smile. "It'll be fun, Brahms. We'll only stay an hour, I promise."  


"I don't think I'd be a very good date," Brahms said quietly.  


Shae's smile gentled. "You're a nice boy and I like you. What more do you need to be?"  


He blushed and looked down at his shoes for a moment. After swallowing hard he looked back up at her and said, "Okay. I'll go."  


"Great! It's a 90s dance so you'll have to dress up in theme. It would probably be easiest to wear flannel." Brahms looked like he was regretting his choice and she quickly said, "Everyone will be dressed up, not just you. And a flannel shirt won't be nearly as bad as that hideous vest you wore yesterday."  


The crack worked to loosen Brahms up and he laughed a little. "It won't, will it? I don't know what Mum was thinking when she bought that."  


Shae giggled and stood up. "We should go back out in the main room. It's only my first day and I don't want to get fired for sneaking my boyfriend into the back."  


"Boyfriend?" Brahms repeated, going red again.  


"You know what I mean," Shae said, turning a little pink herself.  


Once they were back in the shop proper, Shae returned to dusting and Brahms went to the genre paperbacks to browse. The door opened and Margaret bustled in with a plastic bag in her hand.  


"I'm back, Shae dear!" Margaret called. "I hope you like roast beef! Ah, dusting, are you? What a little love you are. Sit down and have a bite to eat. Who's here then? Why, it's Brahms Heelshire! Hello, dear. I've gotten loads of those old sci-fi paperbacks you like so much. Are you hungry? I've got plenty for all. They had a sale on and I can't walk away from a sale!"  


So the three of them sat down for roast beef sandwiches and had a pleasant time, chatting and eating. Brahms stayed the rest of the hour until the end of Shae's shift and he gave her a ride home. Parked in front of her house, Shae unclicked her seatbelt and then slid across the seat to press a soft kiss to Brahms's cheek. She liked the way he smelled; his aftershave was something dark and spicy.  


"I'll see you later," she said.  


"I can pick you up from work tomorrow if you want," Brahms said.  


Shae smiled. "I'd like that. Thanks."  


"You're welcome."  


She sat there a moment, looking into his blushing face and had to bite her lip. She wanted to kiss him again but that might be too much for him. So she opened her door and said, "Thanks for earlier, Brahms. It's really lucky you came into the shop when you did."  


"I was coming to see you, anyway," Brahms confessed. "So, er, it worked out."  


"It did," she said, eyes sparkling. "Bye for now."  


"Bye, Shae."  


Shae closed the door and jogged up onto her porch. She noticed that Brahms stayed there until she had the door unlocked and then he backed down the driveway to turn. Once the door shut, she let out a happy squeal and pulled out her phone to call Rose.

~*~

School dragged on much as it always had. Brahms worked hard on his assignments and to his surprise, a few people started talking to him. Mostly in his French class, when he'd demonstrated in his presentation with Shae that he had a sense of humor. No one was clamoring to be his best friend of course, but once in awhile he'd get a tap on the shoulder and someone would ask to borrow a pencil before a quiz or ask him what the date was. Compared to the nothing he'd gotten from his classmates in the past, this was extraordinary. He had physics with Lily and when the class needed to partner up for lab one day, she came over and joined him. They turned out to have a lot in common, Lily being an artist and Brahms being an aspiring one.  


"If you draw, you're an artist, end of," Lily said, dismissing this claim of his. It made him like her more, finding out how unpretentious she was.  


One day, he got the courage and finally joined Shae's table during Independent Study. He was warmly greeted by the others and it made him feel good for a change. Then underneath the table, Shae's little foot hooked around his and he'd had to will away the erection he got from her playing footsie with him. He'd had to purposely close his finger on one of the rings of his binder to make it go away but then that only made Shae gasp and grab his hand, cooing over his injury and insist on escorting him to the nurse for a bandage.  


"It's fine," Brahms said as he bled.  


Rose dug around in her knapsack and took out a box of band-aids. "Here, Brahms. I've got a little Neosporin, too."  


Shae fussed with the band-aid though Brahms protested. "Give me a break," she said, waving off his complaints. "No one gets a Band-Aid perfectly on their hand on the first try. Especially with their non dominant hand." She squeezed a little Neosporin onto the Band-Aid and then carefully wrapped it around his finger. Then, looking into his eyes, she brought it to her lips and gave it a soft kiss. "All better," she said softly.  


Malcolm turned to Rose. "If I shut my hand in a door, will you take good care of me?"  


Rose gave him a look. "Not if you did it on purpose to get sympathy."  


Everyone laughed then went back to their separate studies. Shae kept her feet to herself so Brahms was able to concentrate again.  


Later, he drove her home and she gave him another soft kiss on his cheek, this time a little closer to his mouth. His lips parted on a sigh and his eyes flickered shut, wondering if she was going to kiss him, really kiss him this time. When the kiss didn't come, he opened his eyes and saw Shae gathering her satchel and opening the car door.  


"Wait," he said.  


She paused and looked back at him. "Hmm?"  


"I just, I wanted to ask..." He swallowed hard. "Are we...?" Shae waited, saying nothing. He struggled on. "When you... when you do that... does that mean...?"  


"What are you asking me, Brahms?" she asked, eyes so hooded and lovely, her voice low.  


He looked down at her full, pink mouth and felt so much longing he thought he was going to die from it. But if he was misreading things, he didn't want to force himself on her and frighten her. Or have her push him away. Maybe cheek kisses and secret touches under a table is just what friends did and he'd had no idea because he hadn't had friends before. But Lily and Rose didn't show that level of interest in him...  


"Nothing," he said, taking the coward's way out.  


She smiled gently. "I'll see you tomorrow," she said.  


"I'll pick you up for school," he said impulsively.  


"Really?" Shae tilted her head. "You're not my chauffeur, Brahms."  


"I know." He shrugged. "We're already going to the same place. Besides, I like your company."  


Her eyes sparkled. "I like your company, too."  


He smiled back at her and she bit her lip, turning a little pink. Then she said goodbye again and got out of his car.  


After that, he drove her to and from school and picked her up from the bookshop on the weekends. And every time, she'd give him a kiss on the cheek, over time gradually getting closer to his mouth. Then she'd linger and he could smell her perfume and the minty gum she'd chew all through Independent Study and he'd have to curl his hands into fists to keep from pulling her close to him and burying his face in her hair. God, she drove him mad. Once she was out of his car, he'd drive home and rush to his bathroom for a quick, desperate wank. All the time he'd picture her eyes, her glossy lips, the time she'd whispered in his ear during World Literature and had felt her breath on his lobe, making all the hair on his neck stand up.  


And all this time, Jeremy Benson hung back. Brahms knew the boy was plotting something and when his retribution came, it would be swift and terrible. But Brahms didn't care, not when Shae Willingham was smiling at him.

~*~

It was the night of the dance and Brahms pulled up in front of Shae's house. He walked to the door and knocked, feeling nervous. He wiped his sweaty hands on his jeans. He was wearing a jacket over the flannel shirt he'd found deep in his closet, something of his father's that had been handed down to him and forgotten. He'd found a pair of brown hiking boots online and ordered them; they looked like the ones that were popular in the 90s.  


Joanna threw the door open and smiled at him, all friendly, but she looked tired. She'd been working all hours at the hospital, according to Shae. "Brahms! Come in, Shae's not quite ready yet. I want to get a picture of the two of you before you go."  


"Oh. Er. Okay." Brahms came in and sat down on the sofa. He tapped his hands on his knees nervously and noticed Joanna watching him with a serious look on her face. He became easily ten times more nervous and went still.  


"Brahms," Joanna said gently but seriously. "I wanted to talk to you."  


"Okay," Brahms said uncertainly.  


"Shae is very taken with you," Joanna said. "She's had boyfriends before, of course, but this feels different."  


Brahms felt his face get hot. "We're not... it's not like that."  


"I know." She gave him a sympathetic smile. "She's a bit overwhelming, isn't she?"  


He slowly nodded. "Yeah but I like it. I like her."  


"The thing is, for all her confidence, Shae's still just a seventeen year old girl. She's waiting for you to tell her if you're interested or not. I'm sure she's probably given every sign she could think of to let you know she likes you. But she can't do all the work, sweetheart. If you feel the same way about her, you're going to need to meet her halfway."  


"What if she doesn't really mean it?" Brahms whispered, looking terrified. "And I upset her and she hates me?"  


"Let me answer that with a question: who asked who to this dance?"  


Brahms cleared his throat. "She asked me."  


"Well, there you are then."  


"Ready!" Shae came clumping down the stairs, her hair in big curls. When Brahms got a look at her, he started smiling. She was wearing a Union Jack dress like Ginger Spice only the dress had cap sleeves and wasn't a tube dress. School dress code wouldn't have allowed that. She had white platform sneakers on and she beamed at him through a face full of heavy makeup. It wasn't the best she'd ever looked but she was so excited that it was cute.  


Joanna started laughing. "We need to get a picture with your date, Geri Halliwell." Joanna stood and gestured Brahms up. "Take off your jacket, sweetheart. And then both of you, go stand against the mantle there."  


Shae and Brahms went to stand where they were directed and Shae puckered her lips and popped a hip out, making the peace sign with one hand, the other on Brahms's shoulder. He turned to smile at the goofy pose Shae was putting on and Joanna clicked the picture while chortling, "Girl power!"  


Giggling, Shae turned to Brahms. "How stupid do I look? On a scale of one to ten."  


"One." He smiled gently at her and reached up to gently push a strand of hair back over her shoulder. "You look pretty."  


Surprised, she searched his eyes for a moment and then a lovely smile slowly bloomed across her face. "Thank you."  


"You're welcome."  


Joanna cleared her throat. "Best get on then, you two. You still need to pick up the others."  


"Right!" Shae hurried to the closet and pulled out her jacket while Brahms shrugged back into his. "Bye, Mom! We'll be back around ten!"  


"Have fun!"  


They went out to Brahms's car and he held the door open for Shae and helped her in. "Brahms?" Shae said before he shut her door.  


"Yes?"  


She beamed at him. "I think you look pretty, too. You look awesome in jeans."  


"Thanks." Brahms closed her door and grinned the whole way around the car to the driver's side.

~*~

The dance turned out to be funner than any of them was expecting. As soon as they walked in the door, "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls came on and every girl in the place screamed. Shae ran out to the dance floor followed by Rose, dressed as Baby Spice, and Lily, dressed as Posh, and the three had danced their hearts out, laughing hysterically.  


Brahms looked over at Malcolm and puzzled over the long sleeved green shirt he wore under a dark gray waistcoat. "Er, who are you supposed to be?"  


"Chandler Bing from Friends." Malcolm held his arms out wide and said in a terrible American accent, "Could I _be _any more 90s?"__  


"Oh, yeah." Brahms smiled crookedly and hunched his shoulders. The room was crowded and loud and kind of dark.  


"I think we'll get our dates back in a minute," Malcolm said to him. "The song's nearly over."  


"Okay." Brahms didn't know any Spice Girls song so had to take Malcolm's word for it. He turned out to be right and Brahms was relieved when the girls came bouncing back. He smiled when Shae grabbed his hands but the smile dropped when he realized she was tugging him out to the dance floor.  


"Shae, I can't dance!" Brahms shouted, panicked.  


"Look around you, Brahms!" She gestured to the other students, flailing to "Semi-Charmed Life" by Third-Eye Blind. "No one can!"  


That was true enough. They mostly just hopped up and down to the song, Shae throwing her teased, big curly hair around to make him laugh. A few more fast paced songs came on and he started to get more comfortable, just imitating whatever it was Shae was doing. He had to be doing better than Malcolm who was doing some awkward flail nearby with Rose. Lily was a little ways away with another girl and they were actually dancing a little cool so Brahms subtly tried to steal a few moves from them.  


Finally, a slow dance came on and Shae stepped closer to him, draping her arms around his neck. She smiled up at him and said, "Makes you want to go on an ill-fated sea voyage, huh?"  


"What?" Brahms asked.  


"This is the Titanic theme."  


"Oh. Okay."  


She giggled at his cluelessness and rested her head against his chest. Brahms closed his arms around her and had to remind himself to breathe. He pressed his face into her hair, something he wouldn't have been able to do if she hadn't been wearing those silly platform shoes. The texture was weird from the curls and she smelled like hairspray. He'd have to try this again when she had her natural, normal hair. According to her mum, there was a good chance that he'd be able to try it.  


Filled with hope for the first time in nearly ten years, he danced with Shae and had a fantastic evening.  


~*~

After dropping off Malcolm and the twins, the ride to Shae's was quiet. She stared out the car window dreamily and Brahms kept his eyes on the road. Here it was. The moment that could make or break this entire evening.  


He pulled up in front of Shae's house and turned the car off. He sat back and took a deep breath, looking over at Shae. She lifted her head from the window and met his eyes, smiling sweetly.  


"I'll walk you to the door," Brahms murmured, undoing his seatbelt. He quickly got out and was by her door, opening it before she'd even gotten her own seatbelt off. He took her hand and led her to the door. He hoped his palms weren't too sweaty. He turned to face her under the porch light.  


"That was fun," Shae said. She gently tapped Brahms's chest. "And you danced just fine."  


"Thanks." Brahms looked down, gathering up his courage.  


Shae took a step close and left a soft kiss on the corner of his mouth. And finally, _finally_ Brahms turned his head and kissed her back on the lips. She inhaled sharply through her nose in surprise but then she wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed close, opening her mouth slightly.  


Brahms didn't know what to do so cautiously opened his own mouth, hoping she'd take the next step. And she did, softly sucking at his lower lip and then ever so softly flicking her tongue lightly against his. He was shaking when she pulled back from him, her eyes so wide and starry he thought he could get lost in them forever.  


"Goodnight, Brahms," Shae whispered.  


"When can I see you again?" he blurted.  


She laughed quietly, barely a puff of air and said, "You're picking me up from work tomorrow, remember? Do you want to hang out after?"  


"Yeah." His voice broke.  


She tilted her head to the side and went in for one more soft kiss. "I'll see you then, Brahms. Goodnight."  


"Goodnight, Shae." She went inside, giving him one flirty smile over her shoulder before closing the door. He stood there a moment, pressing both hands over his pounding heart. Then, legs shaking, he stumbled back to his car and drove home.


	8. Chapter 8

Life was like one endless, blissful dream. His grades were the best they'd ever been; Madame Whittaker had even pulled him aside to congratulate him on his participation and to keep up the good work. Jeremy Benson hadn't singled him out in weeks and had scarcely looked in Brahms's direction. For the first time ever, Brahms had a circle of friends. He and Malcolm spent weekends playing video games until Shae got off work at the bookshop then he'd go and take her home. Her mum was still working full time at the hospital so Shae would invite him inside and they'd make out for hours in the lounge.  


Oh, it was fantastic. Shae would straddle his lap and kiss him hungrily, her fingers tangled in his curls. For hours afterward, he'd lick his lips and still taste her lip gloss. Lately, she'd taken to humping his lap which made everything ache in the most delicious way. And she'd whimper and call him _baby_. He'd wank in the shower thinking about it every evening after coming home from Shae's and having to make himself presentable for dinner with his parents.  


After school one day, Brahms dropped her off at home, just like always, and she slid across the seat to give him his goodbye kiss, again, just like always.  


"Go home and get changed," she said lightly. "Then come right back. 'Kay?"  


He smiled. "'Kay." He leaned in to kiss her again. "Did you have any more homework?"  


She shook her head. "Mmm mmm, I finished it all. You?"  


"All done," he said. They'd taken to spending both lunchtime and Independent Study getting their schoolwork done so they could have all the free time in the world for each other. It was definitely the smartest thing either of them had ever thought of.  


"Cool, see ya in a few!" She quickly pecked his cheek and then got out of the car, jogging to the front door. He waited until she had the door open before driving away.  


At his house, he sprinted up the stairs, ignoring his mother's "Brahms, is that you?" and rushed into his room where he threw down his book bag and hastily tugged off his blazer. He had the rest of his school uniform off and gotten re-dressed in an olive green t-shirt and jeans in record time. Then he cleaned his teeth thoroughly and picked up his book bag again.  


"Mum!" he bellowed as he tromped down the stairs. "I'm going to Shae's to do homework!"  


His mother walked a little unsteadily into the entryway while he put on his jacket. "Brahms, have you seen your father?"  


Brahms paused and frowned at the glass in her hand. "No, I've only just come in. Did he go out somewhere?"  


"How should I know?" she snapped and went back into the lounge calling, "Be home by seven."  


"I always am," he muttered and went out the door. He jogged through the woods until he realized he didn't want to show up sweaty and smelly and then slowed down. Shae always told him how much she liked the way he smelled. Pressing her face into his temple and murmuring _God, baby, you always smell so good_.  


He got to be someone's baby.  


Finally, he was on her porch and knocking on the door. He'd barely finished when the door was flung open. Shae was in a sky blue button up top with white stripes and a jean skirt. She grabbed his hand and pulled him in, making him laugh.  


"Did you want to watch something?" Shae asked as he sat down on the sofa.  


Brahms shrugged. She always asked that. He'd say yeah and then ten minutes into the film, she'd be crawling into his lap and he wouldn't see any of it until the DVD had cycled back to the main menu.  


Shae fiddled around with the television and put on some 80s high school film. They watched for longer than usual, something about a pouty red head who wasn't nearly as pretty as Brahms's own red head having her family completely forget about her birthday, and then Shae was leaning over and softly kissing up his neck.  


"Mmm." Brahms reached for her. "Come here."  


Giggling, Shae straddled his lap and took a moment to lightly brush her nose the length of his and then look deeply into his eyes. His heart twisted and he raised his left hand to gently cup the side of her face.  


"You're so beautiful," he whispered.  


She was flushed pink but smiled brightly before kissing him. He'd been so awkward with this at first but now he felt he had a good grasp on kissing. He just followed whatever Shae did. Shae liked slow, sensual kissing that started out sweet and then got so hot Brahms would have sweat building along his hairline.  


Unexpectedly though, Shae suddenly pulled back and looked into his eyes. Her own big, hazel eyes were nervous but excited, her face getting pinker than usual.  


"What is it?" he asked, reaching out and twisting a strand of her hair around his finger.  


She bit her lip and then reached for the buttons of her shirt, popping them open one by one with slightly trembling fingers. Brahms sat up straight and watched, his mouth agape. He could hardly believe what he was seeing, even when she finally had all the buttons open. With a shaky breath, she parted the two halves of the shirt so he could see her breasts for the first time.  


His head was practically spinning. He'd imagined what her breasts would look like but nothing could have prepared him for the reality. They were round and plump, so perfect. Her nipples were a soft pink and erect as he stared, silently.  


"Is this okay?" Shae asked. Her nervous voice brought him out of his stunned silence. He wasn't sure how long he'd been sitting there staring, but his reaction had unnerved Shae.  


He looked up into her anxious, wide eyes and grew so overwhelmed that he pulled her to him and buried his face in her hair.  


"Baby," she breathed into his ear. "Is this too much? I can cover up again."  


"No," he said, his voice breaking. "No, you're perfect."  


"Okay," she whispered. She cradled him like that for a bit, softly stroking his hair and nuzzling him. When his sudden urge to weep had finally passed, he lifted his head to see her smiling at him, her eyes warm and understanding.  


"What, uh, what should I..." Brahms said a little unsteadily.  


Shae took his left hand and placed it on one of her breasts. When he searched her eyes, she nodded her permission and he gave her a gentle squeeze. Her eyes fluttered shut and she bit her lip and good god, he'd never seen anything more beautiful.  


When he experimentally rubbed her nipple ever so gently with his thumb, she whimpered and leaned forward, capturing his lips with hers. She kissed him so urgently, like she was drowning, and Brahms got swept away in the intensity. He was so drawn in to her that he didn't notice when her fingers started fumbling open the button on his jeans, only coming up for air when he felt her little hand inside his briefs, grasping his cock.  


He gasped and sat up straight, looking wildly into her eyes.  


"Shhh," she said. "I've got you. Is this okay, still?"  


Okay?! Was it _okay_? He looked down at her hand wrapped around him and his hips bucked of their own accord.  


"Brahms?" Shae's grip on him started to loosen. No. No, no, no. That wasn't right. "Do you want me to stop?"  


He frantically shook his head and placed his hand over hers. "No, stay. Stay, please. Stay."  


"I'm here," she whispered and started to stroke him. It felt so good he felt his eyes cross. Both his hands still cupped her breasts but he was hardly aware of it as his head hit the back of the sofa. His Adam's apple bobbed as she started to stroke him faster. He was hardly aware of the sounds he was making, desperate little whimpers as he bucked under her and then it was all over, coming hard with a sharp cry.  


Shae kissed his forehead as he got his breath back, the backs of her fingers gently stroking along his cheekbone. _I love you_ , he wanted to say. Wanted to pick her up and carry her to her room and go to bed with her. Build a fortress of blankets where their parents and the Jeremy Bensons of the world could never bother them again and explore every inch of her body while promising his heart to her forever. His Shae. His sweet girl who called him _baby_.  


So when he opened his eyes and saw his spunk all over her rosy, perfect breasts, horror shot through him.  


"Oh!" He exclaimed, jerking upright so suddenly, she nearly fell over with a squeak. He put her off his lap and started looking around frantically for something, anything, to help her clean up. He'd just jizzed all over her with no thought at all like some cretin. "Oh, no, I'm sorry. Sorry, let me... let me find something..."  


"Brahms!"  


He found a box of tissues on an end table and hurried back to her. His face burned red hot as he quickly pulled three tissues out of the box and hastily started dabbing at his mess. Good god, there was a lot of it.  


"I'm sorry," he said miserably. "I didn't-- I wasn't thinking otherwise I'd--"  


She caught his hands. "Brahms!" He went still and she said softly, "Baby, look at me." He raised his guilty eyes to hers and instead of looking disappointed or angry with him, she looked both sympathetic and amused. "I was expecting you to do that. It's okay. I-I kind of thought boys liked that sort of thing? If you don't, that's okay, and I'm sorry. But I'm not mad at you."  


He relaxed a fraction. "You're not? Even though I've..."  


She shook her head. "No. I'm good. We don't ever have to do that again if it upsets you."  


"I was only... I was concerned that I'd offended you." He knew he sounded weirdly formal and wanted to kick himself. Boys came on their girlfriends all the time without feeling the need to write apology letters. He eyed her breast and saw he'd gotten most of his mess except for a little bit on her nipple. The sight of it stirred him a little but he was still too satisfied to get fully erect again. "You uh, you do look rather nice like this, though."  


"Rather?" Shae giggled. She tilted her head to the side and looked so pretty while teasing him that he started to smile back.  


"Yeah," he said, laughing slightly. He reached up and stroked the collar of her shirt for a moment before asking, "What can I do for you?"  


She appeared startled by the question. "What do you mean?"  


"Well, you were so kind as to..." he gestured to his now limp cock which he quickly tucked back into his pants and zipped his jeans up. "What would you like?"  


For a moment she continued to stare at him and then blinked rapidly, biting her lip. "No one's ever asked me that before."  


"That's a crime," he said automatically and she smiled a little. "Please, Shae. Show me what you want me to do."  


Her face started to turn pink again and she nodded. "Okay." She got back into his lap and they kissed for a few minutes, slow and deep. Then when they paused for breath, she gently took his hand and slipped it into her underpants. He was jolted by how soaked through the fabric was and the realization that he'd done that. She pressed one of his fingers to a hard, little nub of flesh and let out a breathy cry.  


"Here," she practically purred. "Rub here."  


He did as instructed and watched in fascination as the pink color in her face spread down her neck to the tips of her breasts. He leaned forward and softly licked one of her nipples and she cried out harshly, rubbing against his hand frantically. Curious, he took one of his fingers and slid it inside her. It went in easily, she was so wet. He was startled when her body suddenly clamped down hard on his finger and Shae went stiff all over. Clutching his shoulders, she called his name over and over as she continued to pulse around his finger.  


When his touch suddenly made her wince, he withdrew his hand. Shae slumped on him, pressing her face into the crook of his neck. He held her as she trembled and twitched through the aftershocks of her orgasm. More than ever, he wanted to get between the sheets of a big, soft bed with her and spend hours touching every inch of her smooth soft skin, listening to the sounds she made. The longing was so strong, he opened his mouth to ask her, he didn't know what, but to ask... something. Something that was important.  


Shae eventually lifted her head and smiled into his eyes. "Can I ask you something?"  


"Anything," he answered without thinking.  


"Do you maybe want to be my boyfriend?"  


He stared at her in disbelief. "Of course I do!"  


She laughed, sounding relieved, and pressed her forehead to his. "You can't just make assumptions, though. It's a conversation you always have to have."  


Brahms tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "I suppose you're right. Now that we're official, what do you want to do now?" He hoped upon hope that she'd take his hand and lead him upstairs. They didn't even need to have sex, but just to hold her in her bed would be better than just about anything in this world.  


Shae sighed and looked down at her disheveled state. "Well, first of all, I need a shower." This piqued his interest until she turned to look at the clock and said, "And you have to get home if you want to be in time for dinner."  


"Oh," he said, disappointed.  


Understanding, Shae kissed his cheek and then lingered there, breathing in the smell of his aftershave she liked so much. "I'm sorry. Mom's going to be home in about an hour or so, too."  


Sighing heavily, Brahms decided to take this news like a man. He sat up and buttoned her shirt. "Walk me to the door?"  


"Of course." She slid out of his lap and stood, holding her hand out to him. He took it and pulled himself to his feet, grabbing his book bag on the way out. At the door, she wrapped her arms around his waist and pressed her face into his chest. "I'll see you tomorrow, Brahms."  


"Tomorrow," he agreed. He kissed the top of her head and opened the door, giving her flushed, pretty face a quick grin before turning and trotting down the steps. He was already counting the hours until he could see her again.

~*~

October 31st was getting closer and closer. Halloween and Brahms's eighteenth birthday. Shae had finally talked him into a birthday party, a small one at her house. She'd invited Malcolm, Rose, and Lily, their original circle of friends. She knew there were other students at school who liked Brahms just fine but she didn't want to overwhelm him, especially since he still didn't feel too keen celebrating the day.  


Shae ordered a cute witch costume online that was only a teensy bit slutty to keep things interesting. It was black with gold and purple stars patterned across it with a ruched neckline, flowy sleeves, and stopped at mid-thigh. She already had a black pointy hat and added black stockings and high heeled boots to the outfit. She'd tried it all on and knew Brahms was going to flip his shit when he saw it.  


The day before the party, her mother had the day off work and they spent the evening decorating the lounge with black and orange streamers, fake cobwebs, and wall stick-ons of cartoon bats, bloody hand prints, and black cats with arched backs. Even Brahms's father came over to help blow up the black and orange balloons and hang the HAPPY BIRTHDAY banner, excited that for the first time in years, his son was having a birthday party.  


Shae left the parents to decorate and went to the kitchen to bake Brahms's cake. It was chocolate, his favorite, and when it came out of the oven, it smelled amazing. Once it had cooled down, she iced it in white and wrote HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BRAHMS in tall black letters and drew little ghosts swirling around the letters. Unable to resist, she grabbed some red icing and blobbed on a little heart. Then she stored it in the fridge and rejoined the adults in the other room.  


Pausing in the doorway, she frowned in puzzlement. Her mother was holding Roland Heelshire's hand, looking intently at it while he stared at her with wide eyes. She'd seen the same look on Brahms's face before.  


"Um," she said, uncertain if she should be announcing herself.  


Her mother looked up and smiled. "Cake finished?"  


"Yes."  


"Oooh, I'd love to come see. Right after I get this splinter out of Roland's hand. He got it on the wainscoting. We'll need to sand it down before the party so no one else hurts themselves. Ah, there we are." Shae noticed the sewing needle in her mother's hand and felt a little relieved for some reason. "Nasty big one, wasn't it? I've got some plasters in the loo if you want to bandage that up." She smiled at their guest and then followed Shae into the kitchen to coo over the finished cake.  


Unfortunately, Halloween of that year didn't fall on a weekend so they could only keep the party going until eleven at the latest in order to still get some sleep and go to school the next day. The day of, Shae was so excited she could hardly concentrate in school, getting amused looks from Brahms and her friends.  


"You'd think it was _your_ birthday, the way you're going on," Malcolm teased.  


"Well, I'm excited for Brahms," Shae said, sticking her tongue out at Malcolm who only laughed.  


After school, the twins gave her a ride home so they could help her prepare for the rest of the party. They set up a table and put a big wooden basin filled with water on it and then filled it with apples. Lily had bought a few big sacks of candy which they emptied into festive bowls decorated with Frankenstein's monster and Dracula. Rose set up the DVD player with a stack of horror movies next to it, all the classics, naturally. Then they set out crisps and a bowl of blood red punch with dry ice that made spooky smoke.  


Then they hurried upstairs to Shae's room and got ready. Shae quickly put on her costume and then curled her hair and did her makeup all dramatic with glitter on her face, too. Rose dressed as an angel and Lily as a devil. Lily had even drawn on a goatee that made them howl laughing for nearly a minute straight.  


As they finished getting ready, there was a knock on the bedroom door and Joanna poked her head in. "Aww, you three look lovely! I want pictures!"  


"Mom!" Shae laughed and picked up her camera from her desk. "I've got it covered. I'm taking loads of pictures for this."  


"Okay, okay. Uncool mum will stay upstairs." Joanna's eyes danced with amusement. "Have fun, girls."  


"We will," they chorused and then screamed when the front bell suddenly rang.  


Joanna jumped backward as the girls barreled through the door and then down the stairs to the entryway where they threw the door open.  


Malcolm stood on the steps, dressed in an opera cape with a drawn-on widow's peak, full Dracula. He held a wrapped package in his hands. "Wow, that's quiet a welcome."  


"We thought you were Brahms," Lily said, turning away in disinterest. Shae waved him inside, taking the gift from him to put with the stack on the treat table, and Rose happily linked hands with him as she led him into the lounge.  


Looking around, Malcolm whistled. "Wow. So this is a Halloween party."  


"Isn't it fun?" Rose asked. "I really like the balloons."  


He was about to respond when there was a knock at the door and everyone exchanged excited looks of anticipation. Shae rushed to the door and threw it open.  


On the porch stood what looked like Michael Myers, knife in hand. Then the creepy mask came up and there was Brahms, smiling at her. Shae threw her arms around him, squealing, which made him laugh and hug her back tightly.  


"You look beautiful," he murmured in her ear.  


"You look creepy," she replied, making him laugh again.  


Once inside, everyone shouted "Happy birthday!" and Brahms looked overwhelmed, his face red. He looked around at all the decorations, the pile of presents, and his friends.  


"Thank you," he mumbled and Shae took a quick picture and suggested that they bob for apples first. They had fun doing that, giggling and teasing each other, and then Shae put on some Halloween themed music and they danced around for awhile.  


After that, it was time for cake and presents. Brahms got overwhelmed again when he saw the cake Shae had made for him and hugged her to his side so tightly she had to squeak a protest so he would loosen his grip and let her breathe. As they ate cake, Brahms opened his gifts from his friends. Malcolm had gotten him a video game for the system Brahms had bought himself just recently. Lily got him a nice pastel crayon set and Rose got him a couple of sketchbooks.  


He saved Shae's for last, a little box wrapped in red. He undid the ribbon and removed the lid. Inside, nestled on white tissue, was a little silver bracelet. He picked it up to look closer and saw it was engraved. "To Brahms, With love, from Shae" on the other side was the date and a little heart.  


"Oh," he breathed, finding it difficult to swallow. "It's... Shae, you..."  


"Let me help you," she said quietly and fastened it on his wrist. She smiled up at him and was staggered by the depth of feeling she saw in his eyes.  


Rose cleared her throat dramatically. "Why don't we cut this sweet moment short with some gory films?"  


They spent the rest of the night on the sofa, watching films where groups of teenagers at remote cabins were slaughtered by masked men, werewolves tore loose around modern day London, and ghosts made suburban homes bleed from the walls. There was lots of screaming and face hiding but it was all in good fun. Eventually, it was time for everyone to go home and they headed for the door, thanking Shae for the party and wishing Brahms a happy birthday.  


Once they were gone, Brahms and Shae stood face to face, not speaking.  


"I'll help you clean up," Brahms said, breaking the silence.  


"No, you don't have to do that," she said softly. "It's your birthday, baby."  


With a growl, he was suddenly on her, lifting her up into his arms and pinning her against the door, kissing her passionately.  


"You're the most perfect woman," he snarled into her neck, kissing her desperately. "I can't believe you've done this for me. You're so lovely. So fucking lovely."  


Taken aback by his ferocity but also kind of liking it, Shae gasped and wrapped her legs around his waist. He kissed down her chest, sucking and biting, making her whimper as he continued his muttered worship of her, how beautiful she was, how much she meant to him. She could feel herself getting more and more aroused, grabbing fistfuls of Brahms's hair as he sucked at her breasts through her dress, his hands going underneath to cup and squeeze her ass.  


"Brahms," she breathed, shakily. "Baby?"  


"Mmm," he sucked behind her ear. "Love when you call me that."  


She had to clear her throat to say what she wanted to say next. "Baby, do you want to go upstairs with me?"  


He went still and stared into her wide, dilated eyes. His gaze dropped to her lips and he nodded slowly. "Yeah," he whispered.  


"Shae?" They both went still. It was Joanna. They'd all completely forgotten she was there, making good on her vow to stay upstairs for the duration of the party. "Has everyone gone home?"  


She felt her eyes fill with tears and Brahms also looked disappointed but he lifted a hand to caress her cheek comfortingly.  


"It's just Brahms," Shae called back. "But he's going now."  


"Okay, love. You need to be in bed soon, you've got school."  


Shae shut her eyes in frustration. _God, shut the fuck up._ "Okay, mom!"  


"Happy birthday, Brahms, sweetheart!"  


"Thank you!" Brahms called. He let Shae back down on her feet as they listened to her mother walk down the hallway to her room and the door shut.  


"Another time," Shae promised. She took his hand and squeezed it tightly as she opened the front door for him.  


He nodded back and bent his head, leaving a soft kiss on her lips. "Thank you for everything, Shae." They'd left his gifts on the table by the door and he picked them up now. "I'll see you in the morning."  


"See you." Shae sadly closed the door and let out a long, shuddering breath. God, was she worked up. She pouted and turned around, looking at all the decorations and mess that needed to be cleared away. "Fuck it," she said out loud and switched off the lights, deciding to leave it all for morning.


	9. Chapter 9

Exams were coming up and everyone at school was stressed. There was hardly any laughing and joking anymore as students went to class and sat there, tensed, as the instructors handed out study guides and reminded them all that these exams made up quite a large percentage of their final grades. Students regularly blew up at one another in the halls and a few fights broke out. No one skipped Independent Study anymore and even the students who would goof off buckled down and actually cracked open their books during the hour.  


Between the extra studying and working on the weekends, Shae didn't have a lot of time to spend with Brahms anymore. It made his heart sink sometimes, thinking about dropping her off at her house and not making any plans.  


"We could just study," he suggested once.  


She'd given him a _who do you think you're kidding_ smile and said, "You know we wouldn't study."  


True. But they were both working so hard, didn't they deserve a break? He must have looked pathetic because she'd laughed sadly and suggested that they spend two hours together on Sundays, not studying, but having Brahms and Shae time. It was better than nothing and he agreed.  


Since his birthday, they hadn't gotten much farther than fooling around in the living room. The problem there was that Shae's mum's schedule had changed once more and now Joanna was always home when they got back from school. They could make out and sometimes Shae would allow his hand up her shirt but that was the extent of it. Shae had suggested that they go to Brahms's house but his mother's drinking had gotten worse and he was too embarrassed to have his girlfriend see what a mess she was.  


One morning, Brahms woke late and ran around in a panic, getting ready. He realized that he hadn't set his alarm because he didn't need to pick up Shae today. She'd slept over at the Khatri's house for a study/paper peer review party. Swearing, Brahms tore down the stairs, shrugging into his blazer as he rushed out the door.  


"Brahms, you're running late," his mother called after him.  


"You think I don't fucking know?!" Brahms snarled under his breath as he slammed the door. He jumped into his car and drove well over the speed limit to school. When he pulled into the parking lot, his heart sank. No one was in sight. Class had started and now he had to go to the office for a late pass.  


Swearing, Brahms hurried into the building and trudged into the office. One of the women behind the desk saw him and sighed. "Late pass, Mr. Heelshire?"  


"Yeah," he muttered.  


"Wait here," she said flatly and went off into another room shouting, "We need more copies of late slips!"  


While he waited, the door opened and another student came in. Brahms turned and his shoulders went stiff. It was Jeremy Benson. Jeremy casually strolled up and stood beside Brahms, glancing around the office.  


"Have they taken a holiday?" Jeremy asked wryly.  


"They're printing up more late passes," Brahms said. He subtly shifted away from Jeremy.  


"Guess they've been going through a lot, lately."  


Brahms didn't respond. He was tense, waiting for Jeremy's attack. It had to be coming.  


Instead, he said, "So how're things with Shae going?"  


"Fine," Brahms muttered.  


"Fine," Jeremy repeated and laughed a little. "Well, that's good. Treating her right?"  


"Mmm hmm." Brahms stared intently at the door the office worker had gone through, willing the old cow to make the copies faster so he could get out of here.  


"I'm glad to hear that, Brahms," Jeremy said, sounding sincere. So sincere that Brahms actually turned to look at him, unsure if he was hearing correctly. "No, really, I am. She's a great girl. She deserves to be happy, considering all she's been through."  


"Sorry?" Brahms frowned.  


"You know. All that stuff with her parents in America." Jeremy smiled in the face of Brahms's confusion. "She hasn't told you? No, I don't suppose she would. She didn't tell me, either, of course. I had to do some creative Googling. Back when I thought maybe I had a shot with her. Anyway, it doesn't make any difference. I'm sure you'd care for her just the same, even if you knew all the gory details."  


The woman came back into the room with a stack of papers and sighed in exasperation when she saw Jeremy standing there. "Can't you bloody children drag yourselves to school on time?!"  


"Aww, sorry to force you to do your job, Bernice," Jeremy crooned and took one of the slips from her hand. "See ya, Brahms," he said on his way out the door.  


Bernice fumed as she handed Brahms his slip. "Don't make a habit out of tardiness," she said stiffly.  


"I won't," Brahms muttered. He walked out the door, feeling a little sick.

~*~

Brahms took a break from his physics notes and pulled up Google. He glanced nervously around the table. Everyone else had their head in a book. He watched as Shae and Malcolm worked out some practice problems for their calculus class and compared answers. Satisfied that she was occupied, he looked back at his screen. He wasn't sure how to go about this, so he typed "Joanna Willingham" into the search bar and hit enter. There were a lot of results, so many that it was overwhelming. So he tried "Joanna Willingham California." The only promising result was a court case filing for a dissolution of marriage between Joanna F. Willingham and Carl J. Willingham. From there he searched both of Shae's parents' names but didn't really find anything. Shae's father apparently had a Facebook that he never used, with a picture of a sunset for his user picture. The few pictures he'd uploaded were pictures of Shae when she was a younger child, maybe twelve at the oldest.  


What the fuck was it that Jeremy had found? Had he not found anything at all and was just screwing with Brahms? Maybe. But Shae had never mentioned her father before and had never provided an adequate explanation for her mother suddenly moving their family to another country right before her last year of school. Something wasn't right there. If only he knew how to "creatively Google." Brahms drummed his fingers on the table and exhaled a frustrated breath through his nose. Lily looked up at him, frowning and he quickly closed the page and pulled up his notes once more.  


He might have to take a more direct approach if he wanted answers.

~*~

Shae had been looking forward to Sunday more than she realized. Her last hour at the bookstore, she was especially antsy, nearly ready to scream with impatience as the minutes slowly ticked away. She was trying to help an old pensioner find an Agatha Christie novel she hadn't read yet but the woman kept shaking her head and saying, "No, I've read that one. Haven't you got any others?" She wouldn't just look at the shelf herself, expecting Shae to pull each book down and read the first paragraph or two out loud. It was galling.  


Margaret finally came in from the other room where she'd been calling in orders. "Now, Nancy," Margaret said sharply, "I know you aren't wasting my Shae's time, love. You know perfectly well how to read and last I checked, your arms were in working order. We don't provide a personal shopper's service here so it's up to you to choose something for yourself. If you don't like it, you'll just have to mend your fences with the lending library and maybe they'll let you in again."  


Nancy grumbled and Shae sent Margaret a grateful smile. She gently placed the book she'd taken down into the old woman's hands and said softly, "Good luck on your search, ma'am."  


"You're a good girl," Nancy said and gave Margaret a filthy look. "Unlike some."  


"Take out the recycling and I'll let you off early," Margaret told Shae, ignoring Nancy. "Spend some time with that young man of yours. I hadn't realized how handsome young Brahms had gotten. Only ever seen him look so shifty and sour. Then along you come and he's all smiles. Whatever magic you've done, I'm sure we all thank you."  


Laughing lightly, Shae gathered together all the papers and cardboard onto a cart and pushed it out the back door to the dumpsters. Once that was all taken care of, Shae went back inside and put on her coat, gloves, and hat. She stood at the front window and looked out for Brahms's car.  


"It's been so cold, we're probably due for snow," Margaret said.  


"Thought this was a bookshop, not the bloody weather service," Nancy grumbled, her nose buried deep in The Seven Dials.  


Margaret rolled her eyes and Shae bit her lip to keep from laughing. When she looked out the window again, Brahm's car was pulling up to the curb. Her face must have lit up because Margaret laughed gently.  


"Go on, love. You tell your young man hello for me."  


"I will!" Shae rushed out the door and trotted to the car, waving to Brahms through the windscreen. He waved back and leaned across the seat to pop the passenger door open. She hopped in and threw her arms around his neck, giving his cheek a big, loud kiss.  


Brahms laughed. "Shut the door, you're letting all the cold air in!"  


"Hello to you, too!" Shae closed the door and said softly, "Wanna try that again?" When he held his arms open she nestled down against him and sighed happily. "I've missed you."  


He kissed her cheek. "Missed you, too. Ready to go home?"  


"Mmm hmm. We should make some cocoa when we get there. It's so cold." She shivered theatrically and Brahms laughed again.  


The drive passed nicely enough with Brahms keeping a hand on her thigh. Sometimes he'd gently rub the inside of her thigh with his thumb and it gave her little shivers. She knew they couldn't do anything sexy, though. Her mother was home. Shae sometimes wondered why they didn't just fool around parked somewhere and realized she might have to make the suggestion to Brahms. It wasn't as if he had much experience and the thought probably hadn't occurred to him. Maybe once they weren't so busy with school, she'd broach the topic with him.  


At home, Joanna had already made cocoa and cheerfully offered some to Brahms and Shae. They got their mugs in the kitchen and added generous handfuls of mini marshmallows to their drinks before settling on the sofa. Shae grabbed a film at random and put it in the DVD player then snuggled against Brahms's side, sipping her hot drink. It felt so perfect, her beautiful boyfriend had his arm around her, her mother was singing in the kitchen as she worked on dinner, and she wasn't doing any stressful schoolwork.  


"Shae?" Brahms said quietly.  


"Hmm?" She turned to him with a dreamy smile on her face. When she saw how tense he was, her smile abruptly fell. "What's wrong?"  


"I wanted to ask you about something," Brahms said. He looked so serious, her stomach twisted in knots. Did he want to break up?  


"What is it?" Shae asked, her heart racing.  


"Well, I was wondering... about your father. It's just you and your mum and-- and you've never really said why it's just the two of you. Like, what happened. And, I don't know, it's weird. I was just wondering." A flush rose in his cheeks as he babbled.  


Shae swallowed hard. "Brahms, I don't really want to talk about it."  


"I was just--"  


"I'm not talking about it, end of."  


A frustrated, angry look spread across his face, something Shae hadn't seen before. "You can babble about everything else under the sun but never about anything that's actually important."  


Shae's jaw dropped, hurt. "Brahms! That's not fair!"  


"Isn't it, though? I know all about your choir concerts and what films you like and all that shit but I don't know anything _important_! You just climb into my lap and kiss me and that's how we fill our time!"  


Shae narrowed her eyes and set her mug on the coffee table. "Okay, Brahms. Let's get into this, then. Want to talk about important shit? How about you tell me what was so fucking important that you felt the need to try to bash Emily Cribbs's head in? Huh? Riddle me that!"  


His expression went blank. Then he set down his drink and stood up, walking to the hall closet. He pulled out his jacket and put it on.  


Maybe she'd gone too far. "Brahms?" Shae called uncertainly. "Brahms, wait."  


He acted as if he hadn't heard her, just zipped up his jacket and went out the door. He didn't even slam it. Shae pressed a hand to her mouth and started to cry.

~*~

"Love? Why are you still here?" Joanna stood in the kitchen doorway, cinching up her bathrobe.  


It was Monday morning and there was no sign of Brahms. Shae looked up from her phone and started to answer her mother but on the line she suddenly heard "Hello?" and she held up a finger to her mother, signaling for her to wait.  


"Hi, Mrs. Heelshire, this is Shae. Um, is Brahms running late today?"  


"No. No, not today. He left for school twenty minutes ago. Did he forget to come get you?"  


"I don't think he forgot," Shae said, her voice trembling. "Thank you, Mrs. Heelshire."  


"Shae, darling, do you need a ride to school?" Mrs. Heelshire asked, concerned.  


Joanna mouthed, "I'll take you" so Shae told her no and thanked her for her kind offer. Then she disconnected the call and started crying, hiccuping through her tears.  


"Let me just get my shoes and coat on and we can go," Joanna said soothingly.  


Shae dabbed at the corners of her eyes with her thumb and nodded miserably, following her mother out of the room.

~*~

Brahms was staring down at his desk when Shae came into the classroom. She'd just made it in time. She slid into her seat and hissed at Brahms, "You could have told me you weren't going to pick me up!"  


He didn't respond. It was as if she hadn't spoken at all. "God damn it, Brahms Heelshire, you answer me!"  


Professor Hartnell called the class to order so she sat back in her seat in a huff. She wouldn't be getting anything out of him for an hour, enough time to stew and make herself angrier. How dare he? They have one fight and he blows her off? And where did he get off hounding her about her dad and acting like she forced kissing on him to avoid talking about anything real? She'd never heard him complain before! Especially when he was the one pulling her into his lap.  


When class was over, Brahms was up and out of his seat before Shae had even finished blinking. Watching his back pass out the door, the anger went out of her and all she wanted to do was cry. But she still had classes so she sucked it up and walked with Malcolm and Rose to Calculus, the two of them very carefully not mentioning Brahms and his odd behavior, all the while sending each other secret looks that made Shae want to scream.  


It was a horrible, awful day. The worst she'd had in a long time.

~*~

Brahms considered eating lunch but felt a little too sick. He'd been angry all day and his stomach still roiled with the intensity of his feelings. How dare she throw Emily Cribbs in his face like that? He'd been seeing her for a month and she felt entitled to know all about the worst day of his life? Maybe you could say the same thing about Shae's situation, but the facts were apparently on the internet if you knew how to look for them. He'd researched ways to better search Google but none of the tips had helped. If only he wasn't so useless.  


He looked through the window into the cafeteria and saw his friends at their usual table. Shae wasn't with them. That made him consider at least going in and sitting down with them, even if he didn't feel much like eating. But he had a feeling he wouldn't be very welcome. The twins loved Shae like she was their third sister and they weren't going to like the stunt he'd pulled this morning, leaving her at home to twiddle her thumbs while he went to school without her. He felt a little guilty for that but he'd also gotten a bit of mean pleasure, thinking of her stressing.  


No, maybe he'd go to the library instead. Get some reading done before French class and gear up for having to face Shae again. Or not face her. He'd pretty successfully blanked her in World Literature. He reversed direction and got walking. As he approached a corner, he heard someone speaking softly and drew to a halt. The voice sounded familiar but he'd never heard it quiet sound like this.  


"Sorry to interrupt you. A-are you all right?" It was Jeremy Benson.  


There was the sound of someone blowing their nose and then Shae's voice said, "I didn't know anyone was going to be in this wing right now. Sorry, but I want to be left alone."  


"Of course. I'm sorry. Erm. That looks pretty used up. Take mine?"  


There was a little pause and then she said in a sad, little voice, "Thank you."  


Brahms carefully looked around the corner. In one of the big window seats, Shae was curled up with her satchel beside her. She held Jeremy's handkerchief in her hands, dabbing at the tears that were streaming down her face.  


"Go ahead and keep it," Jeremy said kindly. "I hope your day gets better. And... I know you don't like me. I can't blame you. I'm kind of an asshole. But if you ever need anyone to talk to, someone outside your circle who won't judge you, I'm always around. Well, bye Shae."  


Shae bit her lip and watched Jeremy walk away, sniffling a little. "Wait?"  


He turned back to her. "Yes?"  


"Thank you," she said softly. "For being decent."  


He nodded and took a step closer. "Why don't I give you my number? Just in case."  


"Oh... I-- Well. Okay, I guess." Shae flushed a little and took out her phone.  


Brahms's stomach dropped. Oh, fuck. He couldn't find anything on Google because there wasn't anything out there to find. He'd been played. Jeremy had set up this whole thing so he'd get too demanding of Shae, wanting to know about what was probably just a painful divorce, and he'd been goaded into it, not being able to stand the idea of Jeremy knowing what he didn't. His vision went red.  


That. Fucking. Prick.  


Brahms flew around the corner as Jeremy softly said, "555..."  


"Get away from her," Brahms growled and shoved Jeremy to the ground, hard.  


Shae yelped in surprise. "Brahms!"  


Brahms was on Jeremy, turning him onto his back. Jeremy was smirking and said, "Well, look who finally grew a pair of--" Brahms punched him in the face and Jeremy's hands flew up to his nose, his eyes streaming. "Fucking hell, you psych-"  


Brahms punched him in the face again. And again. And again. "You! Stay! Away! From her! She's mine! No one's ever mine but she's mine! Fuck you! Fuck you, you fucking fuck!"  


"Brahms! Brahms stop!" Shae was on his back pulling him off and sobbing. "Brahms, stop, stop please, stop!!" She managed to finally tug him off of Jeremy and his rage fog started to lift. Jeremy was on his back, his face a red, pulpy mess.  


When Shae saw Jeremy's face, she gagged. "Oh god, look what you did." She turned her streaming eyes to him and her face went pale when she saw the blood splattered all over Brahms's shirt. "Oh, god. You...."  


He could hardly believe what just happened. He hadn't felt rage like that in years. He'd put such a tight lid on it, following all the advice his therapist had given him, making sure he never did anything bad again, hoping his parents wouldn't be so afraid of him anymore. And for a long time, it had worked. Now, in just mere moments, that was all shot to hell. He'd lost it again. And this was so much worse.  


Jeremy drew in a gargly breath and moaned through his broken teeth. Brahms scrambled away from Jeremy and struggled to his feet. When he turned to Shae, she went running down the hall away from him.  


Brahms grabbed her satchel and went tearing after her. "Shae! Wait!"  


She kept running and blew out the double doors leading to the front of the school. Was she just going to run in a panic the whole way home?  


"Shae!" Brahms caught up to her and threw his arms around her, halting her flight. "Please, stop. Stop! Where are you going?" He spun her to face him. Between the crying and running, she was starting to hyperventilate. "Breathe, my love! Come on, slow down. Shhhh. Breathe in. Now out."  


Shae struggled to breathe and sagged to her knees. Brahms followed her down and wrapped his arms around her. "Shhh. I've got you. I've got you."  


"He was only talking to me," Shae's voice shook as she tried to speak. "He was just talking to me and you nearly killed him. What the hell is wrong with you?!"  


"He wasn't just--! You don't understand, there was more going on than--" She abruptly shoved him from her and struggled to her feet.  


"Stop following me," she ground out. "I'm leaving. And I never _ever_ want to see you again."  


Brahms's chest constricted. "No. No, please. Shae..."  


She picked up her satchel where he'd dropped it and went sprinting off of campus. Brahms could only sit there and stare before burying his face in his hands and screaming his rage.


	10. Chapter 10

Joanna Willingham was carrying a bedpan into Room 42 when one of her colleagues in the nursing station flagged her down. "Jo! Your daughter's on the phone. She sounds pretty distraught."  


Fear clutched at Joanna's throat and she rapidly turned around and jogged back to the station, handing off the bedpan to a startled nurse as she passed. Her colleague handed her the phone with his own pinched look of worry and Jo took it, hands shaking.  


"Shae, love? What's happened, are you all right?"  


"Mommy?" she was crying and her voice was shaking like she was shivering. "Can you come get me?"  


"Where are you, my little love?" Joanna pressed a hand to her face. "Are you at school?"  


"I-I'm walking home. I-I-I need y-you."  


"Why does your voice sound like that?" Joanna cried out. "Shae, what's going on? Where are you?!"  


"I'm on the road h-home. But I'm s-s-so cold. Please come get me?"  


"I'll be right there." Joanna hung up the phone and turned to her colleague. "I have a family emergency."  


"Go," he said.  


She ran to her locker for her jacket and purse and then took an elevator to the ground floor, flying out the doors and starting to cry softly.

~*~

Joanna helped Shae into bed after her shower and pulled the covers up to her chin. She smoothed a hand over her little girl's hair and smiled through her tears. "I'm right here, love. Get some sleep."  


Shae turned over onto her side and let out a heart-broken sigh. Joanna quietly went to the door and switched out the light. When she'd softly closed the door, she pressed a hand to the wood, as if sending her protection in to her daughter. Then her face hardened and she marched downstairs and threw on her coat. When she'd found Shae, her lips had been blue and she'd been like a little block of ice. Tear tracks coated her pretty little face and she hadn't been able to tell Joanna much, only repeating that she wanted to go home.  


Storming through the woods, Joanna's fury grew larger and larger until she was ready to snap Brahms Heelshire in half with her bare hands if she needed to. She didn't know what happened but she knew that wretched boy had to be at the root of it. He'd so callously abandoned Shae just that morning and then by the afternoon she's walking home without her coat? Something was going on, and Joanna was going to get to the bottom of it.  


She ran up the steps and pounded on the door as hard as she could. Then she stood quivering with rage until the door opened. Belinda stood there, glass in hand and clutched the door frame a moment before recovering herself.  


"Hello, Joanna," Belinda said coolly. "We were just sitting down to dinner."  


"I need to speak with your son right now," Joanna snapped.  


Belinda appeared startled. "Does this have to do with what happened at the school?"  


"What happened at the school?!" Joanna shouted at the top of her lungs, making Belinda wince. Her shout brought out Roland who physically moved Belinda out of the way. Joanna drew in another breath and made an effort to calm herself. "Roland, I have a daughter who tried to walk home in below freezing weather without her coat. What is going on?!"  


"Come in, my dear," Roland said gently and held the door open for her.  


Joanna folded her arms across herself and stepped in, trying not to cry again. They walked to the lounge and sat. Belinda left them to it, going back to the dining room to finish her meal.  


Roland leaned forward, clasping his hands over one knee. "There was a fight at the school between Brahms and another boy. I'm afraid it was rather gruesome. Shae was right there for it. Brahms said she didn't react very well, becoming quite frightened and upset by what she saw. I can't say I blame her. We saw the boy ourselves today."  


"Oh, Jesus Christ," Joanna breathed and covered her face with her hands. "Where's Brahms? I need to talk to him."  


"He's in the other room," Roland said quietly. "But I'm not sure--"  


"Dad." They both looked up to find Brahms standing awkwardly in the doorway. "It's okay."  


Joanna stood. "Brahms, sweetheart. Come for a walk with me? We have a lot to talk about."  


Brahms nodded and followed her out of the room.

~*~

It was a bit awkward, walking along side by side with his girlfriend's mother. Joanna was quiet and Brahms was tensed, waiting for the conversation to start.  


Finally, Joanna released a deep sigh. "Brahms, why didn't you pick up Shae this morning?"  


Brahms swallowed. "We had a row yesterday."  


"Yes, I know. She cried for two hours after you left but she wouldn't tell me what it was all about."  


He couldn't look at her. "I asked about her father. She wouldn't tell me. I... I got angry."  


"Oh, Brahms." Joanna wrapped her arms around one of his. For some reason, this more than anything else that had happened today made him want to cry. He felt his eyes get wet and he sniffed. "Do you care about my daughter? Really, truly care about her?"  


Brahms lifted his gaze to Joanna's and said honestly, "I love her."  


Joanna gave him a watery smile. "That's wonderful. There's nothing like being young and in love." Her smile faded. "But Shae's been through a lot, Brahms. Her father is a very difficult subject for her to talk about. I'd like to tell you about him myself but I'm not entirely sure it's my place."  


"I don't need to know," Brahms said, his voice breaking. "Jeremy Benson, the boy I fought, he claimed he knew all about it. A-and I got jealous and wanted to know. He said he saw something online..."  


Joanna shook her head. "There's nothing online."  


Brahms's face went red. "I know that now. He made it up to split me and Shae up, by playing to my insecurities. And I was so stupid, I fell for it."  


Joanna looked down at his bandaged hands. "Are you in much trouble?"  


"No. He wouldn't tell the head that it was me who beat him up. I think he's embarrassed. But the head suspected it was me since I looked guilty. Jeremy went to the hospital and my parents were called. But since there were no witnesses other than Shae who they couldn't find and no cameras and Jeremy won't speak against me, there's nothing they can do." His voice suddenly became distressed. "Is she all right? I didn't like her running away like that but when I tried to catch up with her she told me she never wanted to see me again."  


"Because she watched you beat that boy senseless," Joanna said softly.  


"I didn't realize how much she cared about him," Brahms said, sounding bitter.  


"No." Joanna shook her head. "She doesn't like that boy at all, Brahms. It was the violence of what you did. It frightened her and brought back bad memories."  


Brahms raised his gaze to her again, searching her face. "Bad memories of her father?"  


"It's not my place to say," Joanna whispered.  


He closed his eyes for a moment. "Can I see her?"  


"She's asleep, Brahms. I should go back to her." Joanna dropped his arm. "Thank you for letting me interrupt your meal. I had to know what happened."  


"I understand." Brahms's voice broke. "I'll pick her up tomorrow for school if she's able to go."  


"I don't think that's a good idea, sweetheart," Joanna said softly. She turned and walked away from him. "Goodnight, Brahms."  


Crying and hugging himself against the cold, Brahms went back to the house for the dinner he had no appetite for.

~*~

Whispers went around school about the assault on Jeremy Benson. They all wondered who could have done it and when everyone saw Brahms Heelshire's bandaged hands, the rumors went wild. Some said that Brahms finally snapped under the constant pressure of Jeremy's single-minded bullying. Others pointed out that Jeremy hadn't done anything to Brahms in months, that couldn't be why. Maybe it had something to do with Shae Willingham and why she now walked the halls like a zombie? But why would it have, everyone knew she and Brahms had broken up and she famously couldn't care less about Jeremy.  


It was all very intriguing but the interest faded as exam week finally arrived. They all sat their exams and handed in their papers before going on winter break. When they came back after the hols, their coursework was only going to get more difficult. May as well enjoy things while they could.

~*~

"What do you want to do for your birthday, love?" Joanna asked.  


Shae poked at the pancakes on her plate with a fork. "Nothing."  


"Nothing?" Joanna sat down at the table and poured herself a cup of tea. "Are you sure? It's your eighteenth."  


"I'm sure." Shae set her fork down and picked up her own cup of tea, taking a small sip. "I'm done."  


Joanna frowned. "You haven't touched anything."  


"I'm not hungry." Shae left the room before the argument could escalate further.  


Sighing, Joanna stood and followed her daughter. "Shae, this has to stop."  


"What." Shae paused on the stairs, not looking at Joanna.  


"The constant moping, the not eating, the sullen silence. I know you're upset about Brahms but-"  


Shae went into the kitchen again and angrily picked up a pancake, jamming it whole into her mouth. Then another. And another.  


"Stop it! You're going to choke!"  


Shae spit the pancakes out and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. "Do you want me to eat or not?"  


"I want my daughter back!" Joanna cried out.  


Face crumbling, Shae sagged into a chair. "He demolished his face. He just kept punching and punching and... and... I stood there screaming and he _wouldn't stop_!"  


Joanna ran to her and dropped to her knees in front of her, reaching out and cupping Shae's chin in her hand as she wept. "Oh, love. I know why you're upset. But he isn't like him. Not at all. If you could talk to Brahms, you could see that."  


Shae sniffled but said nothing.  


"Don't you miss Brahms?" Joanna asked, gently. After a long pause, Shae slowly nodded. Joanna patted her knee. "I'm going to call the Heelshires and invite Brahms over this afternoon. You two can talk. There's a lot that needs to be said, I think. Even if you don't end up back together, you'll each have a little closure. Okay?"  


"I'm scared," Shae whispered.  


Joanna leaned forward and kissed her forehead. "Feelings are scary. How does four o'clock sound?" Shae didn't answer and Joanna sighed, going to the telephone.

~*~

Brahms pushed open her bedroom door with a trembling hand. Joanna had let him in downstairs and had given him a tremulous smile, urging him to go right up. Shae was expecting him. His heart raced and he swallowed hard.  


He hadn't been up in her bedroom since they put together her costume for their French play. It felt like years ago. Everything had long since been unpacked and he noticed many pictures clipped to her lights. He was too far away to see if there were any of him. He dreaded the ensuing conversation, hoping she wouldn't hand him a stack of his pictures and tell him "no hard feelings" again.  


Shae was curled up on her window seat, staring out. When he entered the room, she turned to face him and his stomach dropped. Her face used to be so rosy, her eyes so bright. Now her face was pale, her eyes dull. She wore a black jumper and leggings, her fuzzy socks green and blue striped. Her hair was pulled back in a messy bun with hairs escaping in the front to frame her face. Despite how subdued her appearance was now, she was still beautiful. Brahms was pretty sure he was always going to find her beautiful.  


"Hi," Brahms said softly. He stood awkwardly for a moment, unsure what to do.  


Shae stared at him, not offering up any hints. "Hi."  


"Ah, your mum called me. To, uh, to--"  


"I know." Shae hugged her knees to her chest.  


Brahms glanced around the room. Should he sit? Maybe if he sat on the bed, then he could continue to face her. He slowly lowered himself to the bed, waiting for her to tell him no, not there, he could just stay standing but she said nothing.  


"Shae..." he trailed off, not sure where to start.  


She swallowed and looked away from him. "I didn't want to do this. But Mom says I need closure."  


"Closure?" Brahms's voice broke. "Are we closing? Is that what's happening? We're over?"  


Her expression turned sour. "It's been over, Brahms. And you fucking started it. Did you think I'd keep dating you after the shit you said to me? After passive aggressively trying to make me late for school? Not to mention what you did to..."  


"I know," he agreed. "I know. That was shitty of me. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I never should have-- See, the thing is, Jeremy said that he found something out about your family online and I tried to find it myself but couldn't. And I let it eat at me, obsessing over what it was he could possibly know so I asked you and it was the worst possible thing I could have done."  


Shae stared at him like he was an idiot. "You believed him?"  


Brahms felt his face heat up and hung his head. "Yeah. I did."  


"Why?"  


"Because... I don't know. When he said that, I thought you were keeping something from me. And I wanted to know what it was. I've had-- I've never really..." He cleared his throat and tried to make his turbulent mind go calm so he could speak clearly. "No one's ever really been mine."  


Shae's expression was still far from warm but it looked as if she were thawing slightly. "You said that before. When you were-- That day. You said no one was ever yours but I was yours. What did you mean by that?"  


Brahms took a deep breath and decided it was now or never. Not even his parents knew the full truth of what had happened on his eighth birthday.  


"Emily was my best friend in the world," Brahms said quietly. "I didn't have anyone else. Her mother would drive her out here and we'd play together for hours. It was fun. We made up all these games and we had a story about an explorer named Gavin Journeyman and we built a fortress to battle invaders trying to conquer Narnia... It was wonderful. But then one year on my birthday, we went out to play Gavin Journeyman and Emily refused. She told me that she was tired of all my games, that they were boring to her. The children at school were calling her Mrs. Heelshire and she hated it. She hated _me_. She said she only came because her mother paid her five pounds every time she had to play with me. Emily decided the money wasn't worth it anymore and she told me she was never going to play with me again after that day."  


"Oh, Brahms," Shae whispered, eyes wide.  


He wiped at the tears leaking from his eyes. "I thought she was mine. I'd had no one and then there was Emily but it turned out not to be real. It knocked the breath from me, it really did. The pain of it. And when I started to cry, she told me that I was nothing but a baby and she was going to tell everyone all the secrets I'd told her. I couldn't handle it. I picked up a rock and..."  


"She tripped trying to run away," Shae finished the story, her own eyes filling with tears. "You just missed bashing her head in."  


Brahms rubbed his sleeve over his eyes roughly and sniffed. "I hate to think what would have happened if I'd been successful. If I'd killed her."  


"You didn't, though," Shae said softly. "You didn't."  


"When I saw you with Jeremy, him playing nice to you and you reciprocating, I felt just like I did in that moment with Emily. Like something I'd cherished was being taken from me. I couldn't stand it. But I know I shouldn't have attacked him like I did. What happened between us was my own fault. I shouldn't have believed him. I'm sorry, Shae. I'm so, so sorry."  


He was crying in earnest now, face in his hands. It was like a floodgate had broken open and he knew he wasn't going to be able to stop anytime soon. Then he felt someone settling on the bed beside him and arms wrapping around him.  


"Shhh, baby," Shae whispered in his ear.  


Gulping, he looked up into her face. Life had returned to her eyes, though there was sorrow there rather than the joy he'd been so accustomed to seeing. It was much better than the blank dreariness that had been there for the last couple of weeks. He pulled her into his lap and pressed his face into her neck.  


"I don't want it to be over," he sobbed. "Please don't send me away again."  


"I won't," she crooned softly, one of her hands lightly stroking the back of his head. Her fingertips twined in his curls then gently released, doing this over and over in a soothing way. "I'm not sending you away, Brahms."  


He cried until his face was sore, his eyes swollen. When he'd sniffled his last, Shae gently pushed him back on the bed so he was laying down. She got off his lap and laid down beside him, facing him.  


"I haven't gotten any sleep in weeks," Shae whispered. She coasted the back of her hand down his cheek, searching his eyes. "Will you rest with me?"  


"Yeah," Brahms whispered back. "I haven't slept either. I-I could barely even eat."  


"Me too." She sat up and grabbed the quilt from the foot of the bed, draping it over the both of them. "When we wake up, we should grab something to eat downstairs. There's some nice soup in the fridge we can heat up."  


Brahms closed his eyes and nodded drowsily. "Sounds good."  


She lay down beside him and pressed her forehead to his. They fell asleep that way, heads together and holding hands, fingers twined together.


	11. Chapter 11

It had been a week since Brahms and Shae had gotten back together and so far they hadn't spent a single day apart. With no school, they had all the free time in the world to be together, except for the weekends of course when Shae had to work at the bookstore. Margaret had asked Shae if she could take Fridays as well, so she was getting a little extra money before the holidays coming up. Brahms both drove her to and from work and then they'd hang out afterward in the Willinghams's lounge, watching films or playing cards and talking. Shae was making more of a concerted effort to ask Brahms questions, to talk with him. She'd taken to heart his complaint that they never talked about anything "important" so she didn't kiss him nearly as much as she used to. She didn't realize that this was starting to become a problem.  


When Brahms turned up at her door, Shae met him dressed in her cold weather gear. "Why don't we play in the snow?" she asked, eagerly.  


Brahms stared at her. "Play in the snow?"  


"Yeah!" She came out on the porch with him and closed the door. "We can make a snowman. I haven't been able to do that since I was a kid. Not much snow in southern California. What about you? You're probably like, a snowman expert."  


She started across the yard and stood a moment, surveying their surroundings. It had been snowing since exam week but a fresh snow had fallen just last night and everything looked magical, like she'd wandered into the Nutcracker or something. She pressed her hands to her heart and turned back to Brahms, smiling brightly.  


"How do we start?" she asked eagerly.  


Brahms cleared his throat. "Well," he said. "Er..."  


"What's wrong?" Shae dropped her hands.  


"I'm not much of an expert," he said awkwardly. "I've never actually built one myself."  


"Well, that's a relief," Shae said gently. "We can learn together, then. I've watched enough movies and tv. I think we start with a snowball and then roll it along to make it bigger."  


Brahms nodded. "Okay, then."  


They did that but then Shae started laughing uncontrollably. The ball they were rolling was coming out long and flat, nothing like the perfectly round snowman bases children made in television commercials. Brahms had to laugh, too. It was pretty pathetic.  


"I think we-- we need to-- to roll it around side to side as well," Shae tried to say through her laughter. While trying to shift their snow cylinder, it crumbled in her hands and she laughed harder, collapsing to her knees. "Oh god, we're such dipshits. We can't even... we can't even..."  


Brahms laughed along with her and fell to her side. He watched her giggle, clutching her tummy, tears starting to leak from her eyes and couldn't resist her. He rolled on top of her and gave her a swift kiss on her laughing mouth.  


Her giggles started to settle down and her arms came up around his neck. "Mmm." She opened her mouth to deepen the kiss and he eagerly swept his tongue along hers, pulling back to give her lower lip a gentle nibble.  


When he pulled back, her eyes were still shut and she was smiling. She slowly fluttered them open and they sparkled at him. "I want to touch your hair but you're wearing a hat and my gloves are all snowy."  


He laughed softly and looked down at her bright red lips. "Why don't we go inside, then? You can touch my hair all you want."  


Her smile dimmed and she started to look uncertain. "Oh. Um. Maybe just for awhile? You haven't seen A Christmas Story before and I wanted to make sure you got to see it."  


"Shae..." Brahms sighed and rolled off of her. "What's going on?"  


"What do you mean?" she asked nervously.  


Brahms stood up and bent to grasp her hands, pulling her to her feet. "Are you still angry with me? You've been avoiding spending alone time with me. Intimate alone time, I mean."  


Shae's face turned pink. "I thought that was what you wanted. You said I used making out to avoid conversation with you. So I've been trying to show you that that's not the only thing that matters to me. That I like you, just spending time with you. And I do. We have fun together, right?"  


"Yes, of course we do." Brahms took her hand and started walking back to the house with her. "But that doesn't mean that I never want to kiss you. I wake up every morning and my first thought is about kissing you."  


"It is not," Shae said softly, biting her lip while her eyes twinkled.  


"Okay, it's not, usually I'm desperate for a pee, but after that my thoughts are all about kissing you." He smiled while she giggled. "I'm sorry that I said that to you. That you used intimacy to avoid talking with me. I don't really believe that. I was just being an asshole."  


Shae opened the door and gave him an impish smile. "No arguments here."  


They removed their outdoor clothing and hung them near the fireplace to dry off. Then they settled on the sofa and Shae didn't even bother trying to put on a film. She got right into his lap and nuzzled his temple, kissing along his ear and down to his jawline.  


"I'd always do this because I really, really wanted to," she whispered. "Not because I was avoiding anything. Anytime I'm alone with you, it's like this switch flips and all I think is 'Want Brahms.' I've never wanted anyone this much. I think about you all the time. And your hands and your eyes and..." She ran a hand through his hair. "Your hair. God, your hair. It's so thick and gorgeous."  


His breathing was ragged as she started slowly grinding in his lap, her forehead pressed to his. His hands slipped under her jumper and she let out a small shriek that startled him.  


She clapped a hand to her mouth and let out a horrified sounding giggle. "I'm sorry, your hands are _freezing_!"  


"Sorry," he mumbled and started rubbing his hands together. Shae stopped him by taking his hands and rubbing them between hers. Then she lifted them to her lips and kissed them so sweetly his heart felt like it was going to burst. She was so delicate with him.  


"Try it now," she whispered and moved one of his hands back under her jumper. He skimmed over her smooth skin up to her breast and gave her a soft squeeze through the lacy bra she was wearing. Then he dipped his thumb under the fabric and rubbed it over her budding nipple. She mewed and tipped her head to the side.  


"Shae?" he rumbled. When her eyes fluttered open he whispered, "Can we go upstairs?"  


She bit her lip and nodded slowly. Brahms pulled her against his chest and stood with her. Her legs looped around his waist and he carried her up to her bedroom, all the while she kissed him all over his face. Once in her room, he was amused to note that she hadn't made her bed that morning and her pajamas were still tangled up in the bedclothes.  


He laid her down on the bed and started to climb on after her but she pressed a hand to his chest to stop him. Worried, he looked into her eyes but she didn't look as if she was about to tell him no, so he allowed himself to relax a fraction.  


"Wait," she whispered. "Take your shirt off."  


He looked down his front at the sweatshirt he was wearing. "My shirt."  


"Yeah. Take it off. I want to see your chest." She sat up eagerly.  


Brahms looked off to the side, suddenly feeling dread. "I'm not very... I'm not..."  


"What's wrong?" Shae asked softly.  


He couldn't look at her. "I'm not fit. Not like... well. Not like some."  


"I like how you look," Shae said frankly. "I know you're not a muscle man. That's totally okay." Brahms didn't respond and Shae sighed softly. "I'm sorry for putting you on the spot, Brahms. It's hard to expose yourself to someone, to be vulnerable. You don't have to do anything you're uncomfortable with."  


Brahms cut a quick glance at her and saw she was sincere. Of course she was. His Shae wouldn't lie to him about something like this. Her warmth and the non-judgmental look on her face made him reconsider. Clenching his jaw tightly, he tugged his sweatshirt and thermal undershirt off together. Then he drew in his breath sharply through his nose and held it, looking Shae square in her face.  


Her eyes slightly unfocused as she stared at him. "Oh, wow," she said throatily. She rose to her knees and walked on them closer to him, reaching out a hand to touch. Just before making contact, she paused and looked up into his eyes. When he nodded, she tiptoed her fingertips between his pecs and let out a shaky breath.  


"Shae?" his voice trembled, unnerved by how she was reacting.  


"You have so much hair," she said, wonderingly. "I mean, not like, a pelt or anything. But it's a good amount. Not all skimpy and sad but like... A good amount." She ran her hand from his collarbone down between his pecs. Then suddenly she leaned forward and kissed him there.  


Brahms's breath caught in his throat and he raised a hand, cupping the back of her head. Then she kissed lower, kissing down where his chest hair tapered into a narrow line running over his bellybutton and then down into his jeans. When she reached the end of the line, she tugged on the belt loop of his jeans.  


"Come here," she said, her voice husky with desire.  


Brahms hastily got onto the bed and Shae straddled his legs, tugging his jeans open. He gasped as she reached into his briefs and pulled out his cock. He'd been completely hard since she'd kissed his chest the first time. He closed his eyes, looking forward to the perfect way she stroked him, firm but not too rough. His eyes shot open though, when something hot and wet enveloped him instead.  


Looking down, he saw Shae's head bobbing over him. She had him in her mouth. Holy fuck, she was actually... He was getting a blowjob. He gathered her hair back in a makeshift ponytail, holding it back so he could watch as he slipped in and out of her mouth. The sight was going to do him in if the feel of it didn't. He felt his orgasm starting, everything felt so good he wasn't surprised this wasn't lasting long.  


"Shae!" He tried to warn her. But she stayed in place as he came in her mouth. He cried out, clutching the sheets under him and twisting. Panting, Brahms sagged backward. He threw an arm over his eyes. "God, you're perfect. Where did you even come from? You're a fucking dream come true. You really are." When he lifted his arm to look at her, he saw she'd grabbed a tissue and was discreetly spitting into it. For some reason that made him smile. "Come here. Come back here. You made me take off my shirt and now I'm cold."  


She bounced onto the bed beside him and snuggled up against him as he wrapped an arm around her. Feeling so fantastic, he growled to her, "Do you want to come on my fingers or my tongue?"  


Shae shivered. "Can it be both?"  


"I could probably make that happen."  


Eagerly, Shae shifted out of his embrace and started tugging her clothes off. He'd only seen her without a shirt before and had only seen hints of what she had under her skirt all the other times they'd fooled around downstairs. And soon she was fully nude in front of him and his mouth went dry. Oh. Oh, she was exquisite.  


Suddenly looking shy, Shae covered herself with her hands.  


"No," he said softly and took her hands. "No, don't do that. You're so beautiful."  


"I have hair," she said quietly. "Some boys don't like that."  


"I'm not some boys," Brahms said, looking her in the eye. "Come here and I'll show you."  


Shae settled back on the bed and Brahms rose over her. He had to look everywhere, not quite believing he was awake. Her breasts quivered with each breath in and out that she took. Her looked down to her flat tummy and smiled at her sweet little belly button. Then he lowered his gaze between her legs. She had a neatly trimmed little triangle of red hair there. It was true that all the girls in the porn he'd seen online were bare, but for some reason he liked that Shae had some. He'd like her just as much if she decided to wax one day. It didn't matter. Everything about Shae was beautiful.  


"Open for me, love," he whispered.  


Blushing scarlet, Shae parted her thighs and nervously closed her hand into a fist, pressing it to her tummy.  


"It's okay," he said soothingly. "I'm not going to hurt you." He reached out a finger and gently traced her slit. He knew his way around by touch, at least. He stroked her there for a few minutes, watching her face all the while. When she started smiling dreamily, he slid two fingers inside of her.  


"Brahms," she moaned.  


"I'm here," he answered. He pumped his fingers inside of her a few times and then started to nestle down between her thighs. He searched with a thumb and found what he was looking for. Her clit. There it was. And he lowered his mouth to her. He started lapping gently at her clit with the flat of his tongue.  


"Baby, baby, baby!" Shae's head thrashed on her pillow. "Oh god, baby, mmmm!"  


He continued to pump his fingers inside of her, adding a third one which made her call out harshly, something that sounded like "Brahmby" a combination of "Brahms" and "baby." It made him chuckle as he licked her. And that unexpected vibration was the extra push she needed. Her thighs closed over his head and suddenly her hands were in his hair and she was wailing, her pussy clamping his fingers so hard, he wondered what it would feel like on his cock when they finally had sex. The thought made him erect again.  


"Stop, stop, okay stop," she said breathlessly after awhile, pushing him away. Brahms sat up and gently removed his sticky fingers from her still pulsing pussy. He gave his fingers an experimental lick and was surprised at how sweet her juices were. He'd heard guys like Jeremy Benson talk about how gross cunnilingus was, but Brahms had to admit he was a pretty big fan of it.  


Shae caught him in mid act and rose up on her elbows shakily. "You are so fucking sexy," Shae said earnestly. "Seriously, Brahms. What the whole fuck."  


"So are you," Brahms said honestly.  


She looked down at his tented jeans and a naughty smile lit up her face. "Looks like we're back to where we started."  


"Looks like," he growled, making her shiver.  


"I've got condoms," she whispered. She laid back on the bed, parting her legs again. "They're in the bedside drawer. I got them... I got them just in case. In case we ever got this far."  


Brahms opened the drawer and fumbled for the box of condoms. His heart was racing. This was really going to happen. He was just opening the box's flap when the front door opened and they heard, "Shae? I'm home early! Could you help me unload the groceries from the car?"  


With wide eyes, they both dove for their clothes, dressed quickly and went stumbling and giggling down the stairs and outside to the car where Joanna hadn't an inkling of what they had just been up to.

~*~

"Are you staying for dinner, Brahms?" Joanna called from the kitchen.  


Brahms was sitting on the sofa beside Shae. They didn't quite trust themselves to sit any other way, though Shae was curled against his side, head on his shoulder. That was just as nice as being curled up on his lap, with no danger of hormones getting them swept away into something that Shae's mother was only going to interrupt.  


"Er, if you don't mind?" Brahms called back.  


"You're always welcome, sweetheart!"  


A happy flush spread up his neck to his face and Shae pressed a soft kiss to his cheek. He did his best to turn his attention back to the film about an awkward little boy with glasses who wanted some sort of toy gun for Christmas. That reminded him... He looked over at Shae. "Your birthday's next week."  


"Mmm hmm," Shae sounded dreamy and rubbed her cheek against his shoulder.  


He smiled softly and kissed the top of her head. "Well, what's the plan?"  


"No plan."  


Huh. That wasn't right. Brahms frowned. "You're not having a party?"  


"I don't know. It seems like late notice to throw something together now. I wasn't really in the head space for it, you know?"  


Guilt kicked him swiftly in the ass and he said impulsively, "I'll throw a party for you."  


She lifted her head and stared at him with her wide, hazel eyes. "You will?"  


He shrugged and smiled. "You gave me a birthday party. I should do the same for you. Isn't that what a good boyfriend would do?"  


"You _are_ a good boyfriend," Shae said and bit her lip. She added quietly, "You're the best boyfriend I've ever had."  


His heart expanded as Shae cuddled in closer to his chest and he brought his arms around her tightly, kissing the top of her head. He was going to give her the best birthday he possibly could or die trying.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been awhile since the last update but this chapter took a lot of thought and planning. But here it is!

Brahms stood in front of the telephone, arms folded, and frowned. The longer he stood there, brooding, was time in which he didn't have to actually operate the telephone. He couldn't even remember the last time he'd used the phone. Maybe when he was a child and had called his Aunt Millie and begged her to let him live with her. As soon as the thought crossed his mind, Brahms hastily picked up the phone. The discomfort he was about to feel was nowhere near as awful as re-living the tearful conversation he'd had with his favorite and only aunt, who had to gently tell him that she loved him but couldn't take him from his parents since she had no legal right to do so.  


He dialed and then waited, curling the wire around his finger nervously.  


Finally, she picked up. "Hello?"  


"Rose?" Brahms cleared his throat. "Er, it's Brahms."  


"Brahms?" she sounded confused. "Oh. Ah, is something wrong? Did something happen to Shae?"  


"No! No, it-- I-- I actually need help. From you. Er. Please?"  


There was a long pause. "What do you need help with?"  


Brahms dropped his face into his hand. "I promised Shae that I'd plan a birthday party for her and I haven't the first clue what I need to do."  


Rose started laughing but it wasn't mean laughter. "Oh, you poor, stupid boy. When did you want to have this party, Brahms? And where?"  


"Shae's birthday. The fifteenth. And ah, my house. I was thinking maybe it could be like my birthday? Only this would be a Christmas birthday party." He glanced out the window, unconsciously looking in the direction of Shae's house which was much too far away to see from where he was sitting. "She deserves something really lovely. I know she enjoys dressing up so I thought maybe a dinner party? But with some Christmas activities. I Googled a bit about that and read something about a White Elephant gift exchange? So everyone could bring two presents, one for Shae's birthday and the other for the game so everyone leaves with something. It... it sounded fun, I suppose."  


Rose was quiet for a long moment and then she said, "You're better at this than you realize, Brahms dear. What did you need my help with, exactly?"  


"Well. I don't know how to go about inviting everyone. I know Shae has more friends outside of you and Lily and Malcolm and I wanted to make sure that everyone she likes is there. And since you know everyone..."  


"Say no more. I'll set up a group text to get everyone there. Anything else?"  


"Well..." He laughed slightly. "I might have to go speak to your mum about this. I know Shae loves Indian food so I wanted to order catering from your mum's restaurant. Does she do that? Catering?"  


"Not usually, but since it's for Shae, I'm sure she'd be more than happy. I'll talk to her. Maybe stop by the restaurant tomorrow afternoon? I'll meet you there and I can tell you how many people are coming so you can order the right amount."  


Brahms nodded. "Okay. Thanks, Rose."  


"Of course! I'm glad you came to me, Brahms. Shae's my best friend but you're my friend, too."  


He did his best to swallow the lump in his throat and only slightly croaked when he said, "I'm glad. I-I'd better go. Need to look for decorations."  


"Okay! Bye, Brahms!"  


"Bye." He hung up the phone and let out a long, relieved breath. That had gone better than he could have ever imagined. With Rose involved, he was much more confident about the success of this party.

~*~

His mother had been thrilled at the idea of a big Christmas party and she and Brahms brought down all their decorations from the attic. As he helped her artfully drape a garland down the bannister, his father came in and shouted to them joyfully that he'd just chopped down the best tree.  


"Look!" his father exclaimed, shaking snow off of his jacket as he shut the front door. The tree was simply enormous but would look fantastic in the space his mother had cleared in the lounge. "It's our lovely Shae tree!"  


"I'm sure she'll be delighted by it," his mother said, smiling. She hadn't had anything to drink today, much to Brahms's relief. The party was enough of a distraction. "Go take it along to the lounge. Once Brahms and I are finished in here, we'll be in to set it up. Why don't you take the other garlands and put them on the mantle and in the dining room?"  


"Will do!" His dad fumbled with the tree out of the room.  


It didn't take long to set up the tree with its dark green skirt draped tastefully below it. Brahms wound the white lights around the tree and then they placed all the lovely gold and red baubles his mother had carefully packed away in tissue paper. As they worked, his dad hummed "Good King Wenceslas" and set up a little ceramic nativity on a side table.  


"We haven't done anything like this in years," his mother said cheerfully. "Not since--" She caught herself and said, "Since Brahms was little. Remember, darling?"  


"I always did like Christmas," Brahms said.  


"Did you?" She gave him a slightly surprised look. "You never really... Well. You never said. When we stopped doing all this, it didn't seem to bother you."  


Brahms hunched his shoulders. "I figured you didn't want to because it was a bother."  


"It's a lot of work," she said and then added warmly, "but it's rather fun, isn't it?"  


He nodded, not trusting himself to speak.  


His father sang out loud with exaggerated vibrato, "Bring me flesh and bring me wine, bring me pine logs hither! Thou and I will see him dine when we bear him thither!"  


Brahms and his mother exchanged a look and then burst out laughing.

~*~

"Look at this boy! Look at this good, sweet boy!" Mrs. Khatri came in the door, arms wide, and cupped Brahms's face, giving him a loud kiss on the cheek. "Taking good care of his Shae! Feeding her what she likes and not what you think she should like! That's a good boy. We're bringing everything in now, Brahms. Keep the lids on tightly so everything stays hot until you're ready to eat."  


Brahms stood there, blushing. "Thank you, Mrs. Khatri."  


The short, round woman gave him a bright, beautiful smile and it was clear where her daughters had gotten their good looks from. Behind her, a few employees from the restaurant carried in the sealed containers that held all the food he'd ordered. She looked Brahms up and down and smiled slowly.  


"This is a very nice suit." She nodded once. "Shae will love you. She already does. I know. Before, she would come to the house and say 'Brahms this' 'Brahms that' and 'his beautiful hands.' I've never seen a girl so in love."  


If possible, Brahms got even redder. Shae hadn't said anything like that to him. To be fair, he hadn't said anything like that to her, either. Maybe she was again waiting for him to take the lead, afraid to scare him off with any bold moves or declarations of her own. At the very least, he hoped that she'd like his suit. He had decided to wear a black suit but had paired it with a green waistcoat with a sprig of holly pinned to the pocket. After careful consideration in front of the mirror, he determined that he looked nothing like an undertaker.  


"Everything smells divine," Brahms's father said as he came into the room. "You've outdone yourself, Priya."  


Mrs. Khatri smiled proudly. "Thank you. I need to go now, but enjoy your party! Make sure Shae has fun! She's been through so much. We're so glad she has you, Brahms."  


Brahms nodded and Mrs. Khatri patted his arm. Her employees finished carrying in the last of the steam trays and they all left together to go back to the restaurant. He took a deep breath and went into the dining room to help his mother set the table.

~*~

The guests started arriving and Roland Heelshire opened the door for everyone, looking so pleased and in his element as he greeted each person and took their coat. They were directed into the lounge where Belinda Heelshire was serving egg nog while Brahms stood nearby, nervously tugging at his tie. He managed to say 'hello' to everyone who came in. It helped that the arrivals looked curious and a little bashful themselves, having never really spoken to Brahms much. Luckily, one of the early arrivals was Margaret with her gregarious, bald and bearded husband Declan. The two of them managed to keep conversation flowing and there was a warm, comforting atmosphere in the room in no time. Margaret even tipped a wink at Brahms at one point, letting him know without words that he was doing just fine as he fumbled through small talk with a girl whose name he hadn't quite caught, but apparently she and Shae were in Calculus together.  


The twins were quick to arrive, Rose wearing a party dress that was red with white faux fur trim like Santa's coat, and Lily was in a wine colored dress shirt with black trousers and tall black boots that went to just under her knees. They eagerly ran to Brahms and arranged their presents on the two separate tables: one for Shae's birthday gifts, the other for the White Elephant gift exchange. To mark the two apart so no mix-ups would happen, Rose had ordered everyone to wrap the White Elephant gifts in newspaper.  


Brahms was in the middle of telling the girls about his choice of music for the evening when Rose suddenly wailed, "Oh, Malcolm! How could you?!"  


Everyone turned. Malcolm stood in the doorway, looking sheepish and dressed in courdoroys and the ugliest jumper Brahms had ever seen. It had a large reindeer face on it, the eyes lopsided on the poor animal's face.  


"Well, I thought it was a Christmas party," Malcolm said a little defensively as people started to titter.  


"Yes! A Christmas dinner party, not an ugly jumper party!" Rose folded her arms. "You're going to make this silly!"  


"I like his jumper," someone said. Malcolm shuffled into the room, revealing Joanna. She gestured to her own dress, which had long black sleeves and a full skirt that had snowflakes and a reindeer printed on it. "We had the same idea, didn't we?"  


Malcolm's face lit up. "Right! See, Rose?"  


Rose sniffed. "Joanna's dress is classy."  


"Thank you, Rose." Joanna walked into the room and then glanced back over her shoulder.  


Shae walked into the room and Brahms quite suddenly didn't hear anyone anymore. She stood there in a red lace dress with cap sleeves, looking around her with shining eyes. The wonder on her face made all the stress and work he'd undergone all week more than worth it. He admired the fall of her dark red hair over her shoulders, smooth and straight with gold barrettes holding it all back from her beautiful face.  


When her hazel eyes landed on him, he started moving toward her immediately.  


"Oh, Brahms," she whispered, eyes shining. "You did all this for me?"  


He reached out and gently cupped her left cheek in his hand. "Happy birthday." He smiled when she turned her head and left a soft kiss in his palm.  


"Shae's here!" Rose announced over the crowd. "Why don't we go in to dinner, then?"  


Everyone paired up and walked into the dining room, led by Brahms's parents. They all took their seats, Shae at the head of the table and Brahms immediately to her right and Rose and Lily on her left. The trays were passed around and people took generous servings of the food, exclaiming over how good everything smelled. Conversation flowed but Brahms paid it no mind, watching only Shae as she happily ate her chicken tikka masala and turned to beam at him every so often.  


Suddenly, someone started tapping on their wine glass and everyone settled down. Malcolm stood and cleared his throat awkwardly. "Ah, hello everyone. Don't mean to steal the spotlight for long, this will only take a few minutes. And I hope you'll ignore the fact that I'm wearing a truly, abysmally bad Christmas jumper."  


Everyone laughed except Rose, who huffed out a breath.  


"Anyway. I just wanted to wish all of you a happy Christmas. And happy eighteenth birthday to you, Shae."  


"Happy birthday!" Everyone echoed, holding up their glasses.  


But Malcolm wasn't finished. "I have to say that you moving here is the best thing that's ever happened to me, Shae. If it hadn't been for you, I'd never have had the opportunity or been able to gather the courage to speak to, never mind ask out, the lovely Rose Khatri."  


Rose looked startled for a moment and then a lovely smile spread across her face.  


"And without you, I'd never have made a friend in Brahms." Malcolm nodded to Brahms. "Mate, thanks for inviting all of us here tonight. It's a big deal that you'd do this. I know we haven't... we haven't been kind to you. I like to think that I'm a nice person but even if I never directly contributed to your misery, I didn't exactly do anything to make it better. For that, I'm sorry. I think I speak for most of us when I say that. Thanks for being the bigger person and throwing this big do for Shae. You're lucky to have one another. Happy Christmas."  


There was a long pause as Malcolm sat down. Brahms had turned his face away and Shae leaned forward, her hair acting as a curtain between him and the rest of the party. But it was noticeable that his ears were red and his shoulders hitched upward every so often. Everyone decided to pretend not to notice and a soft murmur of conversation went on for a bit. When Shae finally sat back, Brahms had recovered himself but if his eyes were still a little moist and his nose a little red, no one remarked on it.

~*~

The White Elephant gift exchange was next and everyone gathered in the lounge. It was decided that Brahms should open the first gift and he chose one at random and ripped off the newspaper. It was a sickly looking green bunny with large teeth and a creepy leer that made everyone shout with laughter. Needless to say, the next person to open a gift, Lily, chose to open a new present rather than "steal" Brahms's bunny.  


It was all in good fun and everyone laughed at the reveal of each silly present. Shae sat in Brahms's lap and played with the green bunny as Brahms softly stroked her hair. When she opened a present, it was a pair of plastic glasses with eyeballs on springs popping out of the eyeholes. She wore them until Declan stole them and then she opened a new gift of black knee socks with BITCH printed in purple on the calves. She managed to keep these until the end of the game, by which time everyone was extra giggly and ready for birthday cake.  


Belinda passed around dishes of white and raspberry cake with butter cream icing and Brahms played "Happy Birthday" on the harpsichord as everyone sang. Shae bounced up and down as her slice was handed to her with a single candle placed in it. As the song reached its conclusion, she blew out the candle and everyone cheered.  


Brahms stood and went to her side, pressing a kiss to her cheek. "What did you wish for?" he murmured in her ear.  


"I can't tell you that," she said teasingly. "It won't come true, otherwise."  


It was time for Shae to open her birthday presents and she sat down to do just that as Lily and Rose ran back and forth to the table, bringing them to her. She got a few books, lots of gift cards, a few items of clothing, and then she got to Brahms's gift. Everyone got a little quiet as she opened the long, golden box and moved the tissue paper aside.  


"Oh, Brahms," she breathed as she lifted out a golden locket. Opening it, she saw that he'd put a photo of each of them inside. The photos were black and white. Shae's picture wasn't anything extraordinary but the photo's coloring made Brahms look like some mad, young poet from the 19th century. Her heart leaped when she saw it. "Put it on me?"  


He went to her side and gently placed the necklace around her neck and only fumbled the clasp slightly getting it shut. He brushed his hand lightly against her lower back and asked, "Do you like it?"  


She grasped the locket in her hand and turned earnest eyes up to him. "I'll never take it off."  


He smiled back at her and Lily announced it was time to sing carols. Reluctantly, he left Shae's side to take his place at the harpsichord and played accompaniment for every song anyone thought to sing. No one could stump him and he was getting lots of rough but friendly pats on the back that made him grin so much his face hurt.  


Time went on and people started to leave bit by bit. The last ones to go were the twins and Malcolm, who gave Shae an exuberant group hug before going out the door.  


Alone, the Willinghams and Heelshires exhaled exhausted breaths but looked pleased all the same.  


"That was the loveliest party I've been to in a long time," Joanna said. "Belinda, your decorations are perfect. And that cake! Thank you so much for all your time and work."  


Belinda looked uncomfortable but said, "You're very welcome. Anything for Shae. Did you enjoy yourself, darling?" she asked Shae warmly.  


Shae smiled, eyes sparkling, and the parents all chuckled gently. "Yes! Thank you so much. I didn't think I was going to have a party at all this year and this was so much better than anything I could have planned for myself. Thank you so, so much."  


The Heelshires each gave Shae a hug, something they wouldn't normally do, but the parents had gotten into a bit of the Christmas wine and they were all just a wee bit tipsy. Joanna swayed a little in place, too, and it was agreed that Shae would drive them home.  


As her mother put her coat on, Shae took Brahms's arm and led him a little ways away for privacy. Then she stood on her tiptoes and flung her arms around his neck, kissing him deeply. His arms wrapped around her tightly as he kissed her back.  


When Shae drew away for breath, she whispered, "Have I mentioned you're the best boyfriend ever?"  


"You may have," he said quietly, "but I wouldn't mind hearing it again."  


She giggled. "You're the best boyfriend ever."  


Brahms left a nuzzling kiss on her cheek and reluctantly let her go put her own jacket on. Then she and her mother were out the door. He and his parents stood on the porch to make sure they got safely to their car. Shae got her mother settled inside first and then she circled around to the driver's side.  


The three Heelshires exchanged worried looks when the car made a weird wheezing sound and refused to start. A few more efforts were made and then Shae got out again. "Um... something's wrong."  


"We could call someone," Belinda suggested.  


"At this time of night? On Christmas?" Roland said, sounding outraged.  


"It's December 15th," Belinda said flatly.  


Behaving as if she hadn't spoken, Roland called across the yard, "Shae, dear, why don't you and your mother stay the night here? We'll figure out what to do in the morning."  


Shae and her mother came back into the house. Thin-lipped, Belinda turned and went upstairs without speaking to anyone and they all heard a door slam. Roland gently gripped Joanna's arm.  


"I'll get you settled in one of the guest rooms. Brahms will see to Shae, won't you, Brahms?" His father waited for no response and led Joanna up the stairs, who was starting to look a little groggy.  


"Good night, love," Joanna called softly to Shae. "Goodnight, Brahms."  


"Goodnight," they said.  


Once their parents were out of view, Shae looked up at Brahms and bit her lip. "Are you going to put me up in a guest room?"  


He stared into her eyes. "No."  


A wicked smile spread across her face. "Good."

~*~

Upstairs, Brahms gave Shae the plaid flannel shirt he'd worn to the 90s dance and a pair of old boxer shorts that didn't fit him anymore. He let her have the bathroom first and while she was gone, he hastily changed out of his suit and into a t-shirt and his gray pajama pants. When he had his suit hung up in the closet, he heard the bathroom door open.  


Shae stood in the doorway, wearing his shirt. The sight staggered him, so much so, he abruptly sat down on his bed. She slowly walked to him and stopped right in front of him. "I like your pajamas," she said softly.  


He raked his gaze up and down her form. "I like yours."  


Smiling, Shae climbed into his lap and pressed her forehead to his. She raised a slightly shaking hand up and stroked his curls. "Brahms?" she whispered in his ear.  


"Yes?" he whispered back.  


"You mean so much to me." Shae's voice broke. "No matter what happens tonight, I want you to know that. You're so sweet. And handsome. And I love... being around you. I really... I really just..."  


Brahms drew back a little to look into her flushed face, concerned. "Shae? Are you all right?"  


She bit her lip. "I just wanted you to know."  


"Know what?"  


"That... that I..." He could see the tears forming in her eyes and suddenly understood what she was trying to say.  


"Shhh." He kissed her nose. "Shae. It's all right."  


"You... you deserve..."  


"Don't worry about what I deserve. Come here." Brahms gathered her against his chest and hugged her tightly. "You're the most lovely girl in the world. I'm so happy you chose me. You could have had anyone and you chose me."  


She sniffled. "I've wanted to touch your hair since I first saw you."  


He laughed and kissed her forehead. "Did you?"  


"Mmm hmm. I thought you were like some mad Lord Byron. I wanted to follow you onto the moors or something."  


"That sounds more like Heathcliff than Lord Byron."  


"I guess. Heathcliff and Lord Byron were douchebags, though. I like you much more than them."  


Brahms laughed again and gave her a little squeeze. "Want to lay down?"  


"Yeah." She got out of his lap and he pulled back the covers on his bed so they could nestle down under them. But Shae stayed standing, worrying her lip with her teeth.  


"What's wrong?" Brahms asked.  


"I want to check on my mom," Shae said.  


Brahms wanted to groan in frustration but forced himself to nod. "Okay. I'll come with you." He got out of bed and took Shae's hand and the two of them padded down the hallway to the guest room. The door was open and Joanna was curled up on her side in bed, sleeping soundly. From a chair pulled next to the bed sat Brahms's father, sprawled and snoring with his head tipped back. They must have been sat up talking until they'd both drifted off into drunken sleep.  


Frowning, Shae opened the door a little wider and then she and Brahms went back down the hall to his room where they shut and locked the door. Then they got under the covers and for a moment it seemed like they were going to turn away from each other and go to sleep. But then Shae reached out a hand and pressed it to Brahms's chest and breathed, "I want to see you again."  


Eagerly, he sat up and tugged off his t-shirt. Humming in approval, Shae straddled his lap and started kissing along his collar bone. She kissed lower and when she lightly flicked her tongue over one of his nipples, he bucked his hips upward so suddenly she nearly fell over the side of the bed.  


Laughing breathlessly, Brahms caught her. "Fuck! Careful, love."  


"Me be careful? What about those hips of yours?" She tickled at his bellybutton, making him laugh helplessly until he grabbed her hands and rolled her under him.  


"No tickling," he said sternly.  


She widened her eyes and arched her back, rubbing her clothed breasts over his chest. He could feel her hardened nipples through the fabric and his cock was immediately erect. "Have I been bad?" she asked sweetly.  


Brahms swallowed. "No. You're... you're good."  


"But I could be better?" Parting her lips and batting her eyes innocently, she started to unbutton the flannel shirt. Once her breasts were exposed to his hungry gaze she asked, "Is this better?"  


"God, you're beautiful," he said, his voice gravelly with desire. He lowered his mouth to her left breast and started to suckle, making her mewl and wrap her legs around his waist.  


"Brahms," she gasped. "Oh god, harder." When he bit down she cried out and grasped his head in her hands. At first he thought she was trying to pull him away but she was only holding him closer. He could feel the locket between her breasts digging into his chin and relished the feeling. He flicked his tongue over her nipple, soothing where his teeth had scraped and moved to her other breast. He started off soft, licking gently until she whimpered in frustration and then sucked on her until she was rubbing against his cock, breathing shakily. "Baby, please...."  


Her nipple came out of his mouth with a soft "pop" sound and he helped pull the shirt off of her completely then swiftly yanked the boxer shorts she was wearing down and tossed them aside. Her thighs were open wide and he saw she was so wet that her inner thighs glistened with her desire. He lowered his head to lap at her, astonished by how wet she was. His cock was aching at this point, wanting so badly to be inside of her. She gripped his hair in two fistfuls, growling low in her throat until she came quite suddenly, only able to utter a soft "unh!" as she came on his tongue.  


Shaking, Brahms rose over her and whispered roughly, "God, I need you. Can I?"  


Shae had sagged backward and was trembling from the force of her orgasm. But she still nodded and licked her lips. "I want you."  


The simple words made his gut clench and he hurriedly opened his bedside drawer. Like Shae, he'd bought his own condoms, wanting to be prepared for this. He struggled to get the package open and swore viciously when he couldn't make his shaking hands work.  


Shae reached and plucked the condom wrapper out of his hand, tore the package neatly, then handed it back to him. He quickly pulled out the rubber and rolled it onto his cock, suddenly grateful that he'd thought to practice this so he didn't have to look like a prat trying to fumble one on for the first time in front of her.  


Then he nestled between Shae's thighs and he went still, the enormity of the situation finally dawning on him. They were about to have sex. This was really going to happen. No interruptions. Finally. He looked up into Shae's eyes and she was smiling gently at him, one arm over her head. She reached with her other hand and gently stroked his face.  


"I love you," he said brokenly.  


Her eyes went even softer and she whispered, "Please."  


Lining himself up at her enterance, he thrust inside roughly but went still when she let out a loud yelp. Brahms tried to pull out but she wrapped her legs around his waist.  


"Wait! Wait, no, it'll hurt again, just... just wait." She had her face turned away from him, her features twisted in discomfort.  


"I'm sorry," he whispered, horrified. He thought he'd lose his erection but she felt so good and snug around him. "I... I thought you'd...?"  


"I have," she said and bit her lip. "It was a couple years ago, though. And he wasn't as big as you."  


He felt smug and proud for a moment and then immediately foolish by his boyish reaction. Why should he be proud of having a big prick if it was only hurting his girlfriend? Brahms lowered his head to hers and softly kissed her lips. She kissed back and opened her mouth for his tongue. He eagerly traced his tongue along hers and whispered her name longingly before diving back in for more.  


After a few minutes of hot, open mouthed kisses, Shae shifted her hips and whispered. "Okay. But go slow."  


Gritting his teeth, Brahms pulled out and then eased slowly back in again. Shae was panting as he slowly pulled out and he watched in fascination as his cock disappeared once more inside her quivering pussy.  


"You're so perfect," he breathed in wonder.  


Whimpering, Shae tossed her head on his pillow. "Want you."  


"You have me." He thrust in and out slowly again. "I'm here."  


A flush started to spread across her face and down over her breasts. "Brahms..."  


Slowly thrusting, he lowered his head to her breast and started sucking gently in counter to his thrusts. Her panting got harsher and she could only cry out softly.  


"Tell me what you need," Brahms murmured against her nipple.  


"Mmm!" She went redder still as he slowly fucked her. "I'm... I'm going to..."  


He couldn't believe it when the orgasm washed over her. It was unlike anything he'd experienced from her before. She tipped her head back, eyes rolling and her mouth open in a silent scream. And holy fuck, the way her pussy clenched him, it nearly took his breath away. It kept happening, over and over, and with a shout, Brahms came so hard, his arms gave out and he collapsed on top of her, making her grunt in surprise. But still her inner muscles clenched though the intensity lessened and then finally stopped.  


"Brahms..."  


"Ungh," he said.  


"Can't breathe..."  


"Oh!" He jolted up and his softened erection slid out of her. He rolled to his side and peeled the condom off, disposing of it in the waste bin. Then he rolled back to her and gathered her in his arms. Nuzzling her temple he murmured, "I didn't meant to crush you."  


Shae sighed softly. "It's okay. Was worth it. Made me feel soooo good."  


"Mmm." He smiled proudly, closing his eyes. "Not bad for my first time."  


She swatted his chest. "Don't gloat."  


"Can't help it. Have a sexy girlfriend who acts like I'm a sex god. Gotta gloat."  


Giggling, Shae pressed her face into his chest. "When you put it that way..."  


"You see my point." He yawned. "I'm sorry, love. I'm knackered."  


"Go to sleep," she said lovingly. "You've done enough for me today. When we wake up, we can do it again."  


"Promise?" he mumbled. But he was asleep before he heard her answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Malcolm's sweater was inspired by the terrible one that Colin Firth wore in "Bridget Jones's Diary." And the December 15th moment was inspired by the TV show "Community."


	13. Chapter 13

Around four in the morning, Shae woke needing to use the restroom. She had been spooning Brahms from behind but reluctantly let him go and rolled from the bed. She scooped the flannel shirt from the floor and slipped it on, shivering as she did an awkward fluttery little run to the bathroom. After quickly doing her business and then washing her hands, she came back in the room and stood a moment, watching Brahms sleep. There was just a bit of light from outside reflecting off all of the snow on the ground. She glanced around Brahms's room and felt sad that there was so little personality on his walls. It was just like the rest of the house with old, fancy furniture and dark wallpaper.  


Shae's attention was drawn to Brahms's desk and she approached it on tiptoe, glancing to the bed. She knew that Brahms kept his artwork there, had seen him hastily shove it under the roll top before she was fully in the room. Maybe she could take a quick peek? There was just enough light if she stood by the window with a few of his drawings. But he was so secretive and this would be a huge invasion of his privacy. How would she feel if he read her diary, after all?  


"What are you doing?" Shae nearly jumped out of her skin. Brahms was sitting up in bed and he reached to his nightstand to snap on his lamp.  


"Snooping," Shae said sheepishly.  


Brahms laughed softly. "What are you snooping for?" He drew up his knees and folded his arms on them. His curls tumbled over his forehead and he looked so sexily tousled that Shae wanted to go to him right then and there and forget about the conversation.  


"I was debating on if I should open your desk or not," Shae said.  


"And how did that debate end?" he asked, tilting his head.  


Shae sighed. "I wasn't going to open it. I was tempted for a second there but ultimately I don't want to betray your trust."  


Brahms watched her quietly for a moment and Shae squirmed in discomfort. Finally, he said, "Open the desk, Shae."  


"But! Your drawings! You don't--"  


He smiled a little. "Go on."  


Biting her lip, Shae turned to the desk and rolled the top up. She spotted his sketchbook on one of the shelves and grabbed it. Then she looked uncertainly over to Brahms who held a hand out to her.  


"Bring it over here, love."  


Shae rushed over to the bed and he threw the covers back so she could tuck up along his side. He wrapped an arm around her and tossed his head to get his hair out of his eyes. Unable to hold herself back, she kissed his cheek, making him smile.  


"Go on," he said again.  


Suddenly nervous, Shae awkwardly cleared her throat and then opened the sketchbook to the first page. She gasped. He'd drawn his house and it was photographic in its quality. "Oh, Brahms," she breathed. "This is amazing."  


"Is it?" he asked, his voice sounding tight. Shae wasn't the only one feeling nervous.  


She turned and looked up into his face. "Yes," she said earnestly. "You're so talented. If Lily saw this, she'd be so jealous she'd puke."  


Brahms wrinkled his nose and laughed. "So, I guess I'll be keeping this to myself then?"  


Giggling, Shae elbowed him. "You know what I mean." She took another moment to admire the drawing and then turned the page and gasped again. "Brahms! Oh my god, do you know how hard it is to draw trees? This is so good!"  


He kissed the top of her head. "You don't need to praise every single picture, Shae."  


"I totally do," she argued. "I can't believe you've been hiding these. You're wonderful."  


Brahms beamed as Shae went on through the sketchbook, oohing and aahing over various nature sketches, empty classrooms, a few of his mother in profile staring out of a window, his father with his walking stick, and the road with a deer wandering on it. Then she turned to a page and wasn't able to speak.  


He'd drawn her. She always wondered if he had. At her most desperate, pining moments, she'd fantasized about Brahms feverishly sketching her face in an artistic, lovesick frenzy and then keeping the drawings in his jacket close to his heart. In those fantasies, the drawings hadn't been anything like this, though. Brahms drew her as she hoped and wished she looked. She knew in a not entirely narcissistic way that she was attractive, but Brahms saw her as incandescent. There was almost this shine in the way he drew her, something that sparkled in the eyes. The lines of her mouth were gentle, tipped up in a sweetly inquisitive smile. Then her gaze dropped to the bottom right corner where he always wrote the date and her jaw dropped.  


"You drew this the day you met me?" she asked in disbelief.  


Brahms swallowed. "You made a bit of an impression on me."  


"A bit...?" She looked back down at the drawing. "I don't really look like this, do I? You make me look so... so..."  


He shrugged. "I drew you how I saw you."  


Overwhelmed, Shae turned the page to another drawing of her. She stood in the hallway at school looking overwhelmed and a little sad. Her locker was open and she was stuffing a book into her already loaded satchel, her shoulders slumped.  


"You're good at putting a happy face on," he murmured. "But I could tell you were as lonely as I was. You were just better at hiding it and doing something about it. Reaching out to people so you wouldn't have to be alone. I wanted to be like that but wasn't really sure how to start."  


Tears pooled in Shae's eyes. "Brahms, you're lovely the way you are."  


"Are you crying?" Brahms asked worriedly.  


She laughed, her tears spilling. "Good tears, don't worry. I'll try not to get any on your artwork."  


"To hell with my artwork," Brahms said, hugging her protectively to his side. "If this is upsetting you--"  


"It isn't." She sniffled and turned the page. The rest of the sketchbook was mostly her, drawings of her laughing, of her frowning in thought as she worked on her homework, even of her in her silly French catfish costume. He'd also done a few of Malcolm and a really lovely one of the twins posed like they were each standing in front of a mirror, staring at one another. There were drawings of the Christmas decorations, of the bookshop, and a lovely one of her mother standing at the foot of a staircase in her beaded gown she'd worn to the Heelshire dinner party months ago.  


Shae closed the sketchbook with a sigh. "Thank you for trusting me with this, Brahms. You have a real gift. I wish you'd share with more people. Maybe have an art show or something? At least show Lily, she could help you put yourself out there."  


"Maybe," Brahms said and plucked the book from her hands. He gave it a toss onto the floor and nuzzled her cheek. "Remember that promise you made me before we fell asleep?"  


"Hmmm, what promise would that be?" Shae asked, biting her lip to hide a smile. Brahms took her hand and placed it on his hard cock. "Ohhhh, that promise. I suppose we could maybe do something. But um, still go slow, okay? I kind of feel sore."  


Brahms's sweetly lascivious expression changed to concern. "We don't have to do anything, I'm sorry."  


Shae laughed softly. "No, it's okay. I want to." She reached for the bedside table and got another condom. She pulled the blankets back to roll the condom on for him and then climbed into his lap. She watched his eyes go big in wonder and she kissed him softly. "I'll just be on top this time, okay? I'll take it easy and you follow my lead."  


He nodded and gripped her hips, watching in fascination as she carefully guided him inside of her. Shae drew in air through her nose sharply. He really was a lot bigger than she was used to, she hadn't been trying to flatter him by saying so. She could feel herself stretch and it was uncomfortable but also felt kind of good at the same time. After taking a moment to adjust to him, Shae gave a little roll of her hips and Brahms moaned, leaning back on his pillows.  


"My love," he said in a gravelly tone that went straight to her pussy and made it clench. He hissed through his teeth and shut his eyes tight.  


Shae slowly started to ride him, watching the emotions crossing Brahms's face. The wonder, the desire, the passion, and then his eyes opened to look up at her. The love there made her heart race faster. He loved her. She wanted so much to say it back. If only she could.  


"Shae," Brahms rasped. He brought a hand up to her face and cupped her cheek. "My beautiful girl..."  


"Mmm!" She started rising and falling faster.  


"Shae," he said again, his thumb brushing over her bottom lip. "Do you love me?"  


Tears came to her eyes and she nodded, frantically. His smile was so sublime and beautiful she could feel her release close, oh so close. "Baby, I- I need you."  


"Shhh," he whispered tenderly. "I have you. It's okay." He lowered his hand between their bodies and stroked her clit just the way she liked, in little circles, and just like that, she was coming and calling his name. Some part of her brain reminded her that others in the house were sleeping so she clapped a hand to her mouth to muffle her sobs.  


Something went dark in Brahms's eyes and he suddenly threw her to her back and began pounding inside of her in earnest. She continued to come and whimper, especially when she became aware of what Brahms was snarling in a low, sexy tone as he fucked her.  


"God, I love you, you're mine, you beautiful girl, always mine, please my love, I need you, need you...!"  


Shae circled her arms around his neck and breathed in his ear just one word, "Yours" and he came with a long, low moan, shaking all over. He sagged on top of her and she cradled him to her, stroking his hair and humming softly in his ear as he shook and whimpered from the force of his orgasm. Before he got too heavy, he rose groggily to his elbows and slid his cock from her wet folds, discarding the condom in the trash. Shae pouted at its loss and he laughed tiredly. They got back under the covers and cuddled close to one another.  


"What time should we wake up?" Brahms asked as he switched off his lamp.  


"Don't care," Shae murmured. She snuggled into his side. "Long as I'm in your bed, don't care."  


He laughed and kissed her forehead. "That makes two of us."  


Shae drifted to sleep feeling warm and loved and with a delicious ache throbbing between her legs.

~*~

"Love?" When she woke the second time, Brahms was up and dressed, shaking her shoulder. "Dad's fixed your car. Once you get dressed, your mum wants to go home for breakfast. She's a bit crabby and hungover, just a warning. And I think she knows where you slept last night."  


Shae groaned and sat up. "Can't we just run away together?"  


His eyes lit up as she climbed from the bed and shed the shirt, slipping on last night's dress. "Where would you like us to go?"  


"Anywhere but here," she said with such feeling that he laughed his agreement. She crossed the room to him and gave him a soft kiss that he deepened, so lost in the heat and taste of her that he scooped her up in his arms and let her loop her legs around his waist.  


"Love," he said warningly, pulling back. "Your mum's waiting. Your unhappy mum?"  


Shae whined and pressed her forehead to his. "I wanna stay with youuuu."  


He grinned. "I want that, too. But if you're grounded, I'm not going to be able to visit later."  


"Will you come visit me?" she asked hopefully.  


"I will."  


"Mom has today off of work so..."  


"I know. Maybe we can start a film and actually finish it." When she giggled, he set her on her feet so she could slip on her gold pumps. "Shae. I love you."  


Her eyes shined. "I know."  


Smiling, he walked her out of the room and downstairs where Joanna waited by the door with her jacket on and her lips pursed. Roland stood awkwardly by and gave Shae a hesitant smile and her jacket.  


"I hope you enjoyed your birthday, Shae," he said.  


"I did. Thank you very much, Mr. Heelshire."  


Joanna opened the door and said in a clipped tone, "Thank you, goodbye." When she and Shae were outside, she said in a low, angry tone, "I'm not entirely happy with you, young lady."  


"I'm eighteen," Shae said. "And he's my boyfriend and it was my birthday and you're not wrecking this for me."  


"I hope you used protection," Joanna said, sounding defeated.  


Shae reached over and grabbed her mother's hand. "I did. And he took good care of me and I felt safe and loved. I promise."  


Joanna paused before getting into the car to suddenly wipe at her eyes. "Good," she said and that was the last they discussed the matter.

~*~

"I'm going to Shae's!" Brahms called as he put his jacket on. He had the door open when his father appeared in the hall, looking awkward. "What?" Brahms asked, taken aback.  


"Er. Your mother and I... Well. Before you go anywhere, why don't we go on a walk? Just me and you. We haven't done that in ages, have we?"  


It was true, they really hadn't. All of Brahms's free time was eaten up by Shae and honestly, he wouldn't have it any other way. He longingly thought of his girlfriend, her big smile, the way her eyes sparkled when he said something "especially English" as she called it, how after spending an afternoon with her, he'd come home and find strands of her long, red hair on his jumper. Spending five minutes with Shae was better than a whole afternoon with his parents, even if they were in good moods. Shae didn't give up on him or behave as if he'd ruined her entire life.  


"I don't know..." Brahms said reluctantly.  


"Just half an hour of your time, son," his father said, looking sad. "Please? Humor an old man?"  


Well, when he put it that way. "I suppose."  


Once his father had his own snowy weather gear on, they headed off on their walk in the opposite direction of Shae's cottage, Brahms noticed. He frowned over at his father but didn't remark on this choice.  


"So, ah, we couldn't help but notice that only one of the guest rooms were used last night. And that Shae came out of your room this morning."  


Brahms's voice was low and dangerous. "I couldn't help but notice you slept in the guest room with Joanna."  


Roland Heelshire's face went bright red, his eyes sparking with anger. "We're not talking about me right now."  


"No? You're about to lecture me about having sex with my girlfriend, aren't you? Who cares what we do? We're eighteen and we were safe. But you! You're married and Joanna's much younger than you. You look like a fool the way you pant after her. Don't think we haven't noticed." Brahms felt his own anger surging with every hateful word he spat at his father. "And when did you two decide to suddenly care about my well-being? I ruined your lives with one mistake I made back when I was eight years old and you've been punishing me for it ever since. Taking away Christmas? Acting like you're scared of me so I'm terrified to say one thing out of line or stand up for myself to everyone at school?"  


Roland held up his hands, a look of concern on his face. "Brahms, son, calm down."  


"I will not calm down!" Brahms shouted. "I'm through with suppressing every fucking feeling I have because I'm scared you two will make our home life even more hellish! Did you know that when I was nine I called Aunt Millie and begged, begged until I fucking _cried_ for her to take me away from here?"  


"Yes, I do know," Roland said quietly. "She called us when you were at school and we had a long conversation. She wanted you to come to her right away. She was worried. Your mother got upset and... and that's why you haven't seen Millie very much. She and your mother had a bit of an argument."  


Brahms's heart broke. "I thought she never wanted to see me again because she didn't want me living with her."  


"Oh, Brahms. No. No, your aunt loves you very much."  


"And so does Shae," Brahms said. "That's why I want to be with her every moment I can. She makes me feel normal. Like I'm not some violent psychopath who needs to be kept on a short leash. And she's so different from us. She's open and warm and friendly and... and probably ten thousand other adjectives that aren't coming to mind right now. I- I- I can't.... Are we done? Can I go now?"  


His father's jaw worked, his eyes getting red and wet. "We still need to--"  


"I can't anymore today," Brahms said shortly. He abruptly turned and stalked off in the direction of Shae's cottage. "Goodbye."  


"Son, please!" Roland called after him but Brahms didn't stop.

~*~

"Hi! About time you-- Baby, what's wrong?" Shae took in Brahms's tears and pale face and grabbed his hands, tugging him into the house. "Are you okay? Did something happen to your parents?"  


"I hate them," Brahms said violently. "I hate the pair of them so fucking much. Can I sleep here tonight? I'll stay on the sofa, I promise I won't touch you. I'll sign an affidavit if I have to but I can't go back to that house tonight. Please?"  


Shae's distressed tone had caught Joanna's attention and she stood on the stairs looking down at the pair of them, at Brahms who stood there shaking with his rage, tears falling, and at Shae who stroked his hair softly while crooning nonsense words of comfort.  


"Of course you can, sweetheart," Joanna said quietly. "I'll call your parents so they know where you are."  


Shae started to busily unbutton and unzip his jacket while Joanna left to make the call. She circled him to pull off his jacket and hung it up in the closet.  


"I love you," Brahms said. "You don't ever have to say it back to me but I feel more love from you than I ever felt from them."  


"I promise I'll tell you." Shae looked into his eyes seriously. "I'm going to tell you everything. I'm not ready yet, though. But when I am? I won't hold anything back."  


He sniffled and removed his hat and scarf, handing them to her when she held out her hand for them. "I can wait. It'll be worth it."  


"Good." She helped him out of his boots and then took his hands, tugging him into the lounge. "Now let's watch some silly movies until our brains leak out our ears, okay?"  


The heavy weight on his chest lifted somewhat. "Okay." They settled together on the couch and Shae had him lay down with his head in her lap. He fell asleep to her softly stroking his curls while the television blathered away in a comforting drone.


	14. Chapter 14

During the night, Joanna woke and decided to check on Shae. Mostly to make sure she was still in her own bed and that she was in her own bed alone. True, Shae was eighteen years old but Joanna had fallen in love very young herself and look where it had landed her. She wanted better for Shae, though the shy, sweet boy currently sleeping over at their house had tugged on Joanna's heart strings, too. It was no wonder that her daughter, a child who had once cried inconsolably when she'd witnessed two boys in the street chasing a dog with sticks, would be attracted to someone she felt she had to save.  


Slipping on her robe, Joanna opened her door and walked a little ways down the hallway. There, she found Shae poised at the top of the stairs, a hand pressed to her mouth. From below, she could hear the quiet snufflings of Brahms on the sofa, no doubt reliving whatever trauma he'd experienced today with his parents.  


"Shae?" Joanna whispered.  


Her daughter turned, her big eyes glittering with tears. "Oh, Mom..."  


Joanna sighed, knowing she was a sap. "Go get him. But keep your door open."  


"Thank you," Shae breathed and hurried down the stairs.  


Waiting, Joanna heard Shae's gentle murmurings and a few sobs from Brahms. Then Shae came back up the stairs, carrying Brahms's clothes under one arm and holding her boxer-clad boyfriend's hand with her own free hand.  


"Good night, Mom," Shae said quietly.  


"Good night, love," Joanna answered. "Good night, Brahms."  


He sniffled and mumbled goodnight and the two went into Shae's room. Joanna watched as Shae tenderly tucked the boy into bed and then joined him under the covers. With a heavy sigh, Joanna went back to her own room, wishing she could throttle Roland and Belinda Heelshire.

~*~

"Are you ready to talk about what happened today?" Shae asked as she gently wiped away one of the tears leaking from his eyes with her thumb.  


Brahms sighed shakily. "Remember how I told you that I made my aunt angry when I asked to live with her?"  


Shae frowned in disapproval. "Yes."  


"She wasn't angry with me at all. She wanted to take me away but my parents fought with her and then didn't let her come over as often. They let me think she hated me. I-I asked them so many times when Aunt Millie was coming and they'd just tell me that they couldn't say and then they'd avoid looking at me. Why couldn't they have let me stay with her? It didn't have to be forever, but I would have loved to start over someplace where no one knew me. I could have left for awhile and come back and maybe people would have forgotten about what happened? Emily was gone and so was I, so all the reminders would have been gone. I just-- I don't understand what goes on in their heads, I really don't."  


Shae stroked his hair and thought to herself. Cautiously, she said, "Brahms? Please don't take this the wrong way, but I think you should start seeing a therapist again."  


"Because you don't want me bothering you with my problems?" he asked gruffly and started to roll away.  


Sighing, she grabbed his shoulder to stop him. "I just _said_ not to take it the wrong way. I love that you confide in me. I don't want you to ever stop. But Brahms, I can't help and advise you the way a therapist can and I'm not good at being objective. Like right now, I want to go to your house, kick the door down, and slap the shit out of your parents." When he laughed a little, she smiled. "I adore you, you know that. I only want you to be happy and you can't be if you're carrying this much hurt around all the time. Will you promise to at least consider it?"  


He sniffed and said calmly, "Yeah." Reaching over, he tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. "How'd I get a clever girl like you, eh?"  


Shae smiled. "You stopped resisting me."  


"Ah, yes. True, that." Brahms yawned. "Guess I'll go home in the morning and tell them the therapist idea. Plus I can't very well stay angry with them this close to Christmas."  


"That's right. Santa doesn't like naughty boys, does he?"  


"But you do," Brahms rumbled and then glanced over his shoulder at her opened door. He turned back with a rueful expression on his face that made her laugh.  


"It's just as well," she said lightly. "I'm still sore from last night."  


"I didn't mean to be rough that second time," he said, his face creasing with worry. "I'm sorry."  


"Shhh, don't be." She kissed his forehead lightly. "I liked it. Get some sleep, Brahms. I'll walk you home, tomorrow."  


They fell asleep, Shae's head pressed to his chest and lulled into slumber by the beating of his heart.

~*~

Though far from resolved, Brahms's issues with his parents settled down over the course of the days leading up to Christmas. The three of them were still cautious with one another but at least they were talking. Brahms got in contact with the therapist he'd seen as a child, and though she specialized in child counseling, she decided to make an exception and see Brahms again. She sounded happy to hear from him and was eager to know all about how he was doing these days. He almost looked forward to the appointment he'd made for after the New Year.  


He still saw Shae every chance he could get but Margaret needed her at the shop even more now so close to Christmas. They got to have sex a few more times, twice in his car when Shae had suggested they pull over somewhere. He felt like a fool for never thinking of it himself and though it was a relief to be inside Shae again and hear her calling his name, the back of his car didn't feel as good as a nice, cozy bed where they could doze afterward and maybe wake up for round two. As much as he loved sex, he loved even more the moments after, the way Shae would stretch on the sheets and purr contentedly before draping herself across his chest. She'd look up at him with her hair tumbled around her face and then smile. Even though she hadn't said the words, he could feel how much she loved him. Whatever was holding her back, he hoped she'd want to talk about it soon. He was fairly aching to hear the words from her lips.  


Christmas day was a long, hard slog because he'd agreed with his parents to stay at the house and not see Shae. They wanted the day to be for family which almost made Brahms snidely ask why Millie hadn't been invited yet again but he held his tongue. There was no point antagonizing them when he had nowhere to retreat. He'd told Shae about the agreement and her face had fallen but she hadn't argued. They could exchange gifts the day after just as easily. However, Joanna was working on Christmas from noon onward and Shae would be all by herself. He wanted to invite her to the house but when he'd started to broach the topic, his parents had exchanged a look that had made him leave the room before he could blow up again.  


They'd opened presents and Brahms had gotten a few jumpers, a new pair of pajamas, a stocking full of candy, and a new suit. He smiled politely at his parents and started to thank them but then his father handed him another package.  


"What's this?" Brahms asked. He hadn't seen the present before; it hadn't been under the tree.  


"Open it and see," his father said with a wink.  


Brahms pulled the green ribbon and lifted away the lid. Inside was a mobile phone. Shocked, Brahms looked up at his parents who were smiling at him. "I can't..."  


"Go ahead, switch it on," his father said eagerly.  


After a moment of fumbling, Brahms did so. It was a very nice phone, similar to the one Shae had. He looked at his parents again, about to ask when his mother said, "Shae helped us a little with this present. Look at your contact list, darling."  


Brahms found the contact list and scanned through it, a lump forming in his throat. There were the numbers for the Khatri twins, for Malcolm, his parents' land line, Joanna, and Shae. But the number that made him tear up shined just after Malcom's number: Mildred Heelshire.  


"Thank you," Brahms managed to say. He cleared his throat and sounded much more steady as he said. "This is brilliant."  


"We thought you'd like it." His father clapped his hands to his thighs. "Now, who's hungry? Your mother's made a full breakfast for us and it smells delightful."  


Reluctantly, Brahms pocketed his phone and followed his parents into the dining room.

~*

"Hello?"  


Brahms's stomach was full of sausages and eggs and on top of his nervousness, he hoped he wasn't about to vomit. He swallowed hard and said, "Aunt Millie?"  


"Brahms?" she sounded surprised but happy at least. "Darling, hello! How are you?"  


"I'm well. I-I got a mobile for Christmas and I thought I'd call you."  


"I'm glad you did. I was just on my way to a friend's. Happy Christmas, by the way. And a late happy birthday. I'm sorry that I didn't send a card." She went quiet and then said softly, "I have in years' past but I had a feeling you weren't getting them. Am I right?"  


"Yes," Brahms said heavily. "I thought you were cross with me for the longest time, but the other day Dad told me about the row you three had and... well, I got caught in the middle, I guess."  


Millie let out a shaky breath. "I'm so sorry, Brahms. I know how your parents are and I came at the problem all wrong. Your mother thought I was trying to steal you for my own and adopt you. She got rather upset about the whole thing. I think she was hurt that you didn't want to live with them anymore and she felt that you were rejecting her. I realize now that I shouldn't have mentioned your phone call at all and should have just offered to take you for a few months to get you away from the whole situation. I went in angry and hurting for you and I'm sorry, Brahms. It was stupid of me."  


"Can I come see you sometime?" Brahms asked. "After my exams, maybe?"  


"Of course!" Mildred laughed delightedly. "I'd love to have you."  


"And, er, maybe my girlfriend could come along?"  


Mildred was quiet for a moment and then said, "My goodness, you've certainly grown, haven't you? A girlfriend you say? What's her name?"  


"Shae Willingham," Brahms said a little proudly.  


"And what's Shae Willingham like?" Mildred asked a little teasingly.  


Brahms laughed. "Weren't you on your way out, Millie?"  


"Oh, they can wait. This I have to hear." He heard the scraping of a chair on a tile floor. "Tell me."  


Settling in, Brahms smiled and spent close to an hour talking all about his girlfriend. Outside his window, a fresh snow fell and all felt right with the world.

~*~

It was dark and Brahms crunched through the snow as he fumbled his phone with his gloved hands. Once he'd selected the right contact, he lifted the phone to his ear and glanced around the woods. Nothing stirred and he felt peaceful being the only creature about at this time of the night.  


"Hi, baby!" Shae said cheerfully.  


He chuckled. "Hello, love. Happy Christmas."  


"Happy Christmas, Brahms. Did you have a good day?"  


"I did. I got to talk to Millie. She's doing well and I'm visiting her once exams are over. You can come along too, if you like. She wants to meet you."  


"Ooooh, nice. I've never been to Cornwall. When we wanted to go to the beach, we always went to the Isle of Wight. Anyway. Did you get any good presents?"  


Brahms pretended to think about it. "Hmmm. Maybe a few things. I got some rather nice jumpers. One in green, a color I believe you said looks amazing on me."  


"You look amazing in anything," Shae said. "Do you like your phone, Brahms? At my birthday party, your dad talked to me about how he had no idea what to get you for Christmas and I suggested it. I know you didn't want one before but, well, you have friends now and we all want to be able to reach you when you aren't at home. So?"  


"It's brilliant. Thank you for suggesting it to him. What about you, did you get any good gifts?"  


"Maybe," she said teasingly. "There's this dress mom got me. It's really pretty but I'm going to save it for Valentine's Day. You're gonna liiiiiike it."  


He chuckled. "Minx." Her house was coming into view. "Anything else?"  


"I got a box set of poetry books. I took out the Lord Byron right away."  


"You've certainly gotten it into your head that I'm like him."  


"Not like, exactly like him, of course. You're more like, I don't know, just from that time period. I should get you a puffy white shirt and then you can sit there and sketch and look all--"  


Brahms covered the phone and knocked on the door, smirking. He raised the phone back up to his ear but she'd fallen silent. "All?" he prompted her innocently.  


"Brahms, someone's at the door," Shae said in a small voice.  


"You should see who it is," he said, suppressing a smile.  


She was quiet and he started to frown. He could pick up on her breathing and it sounded shaky and frightened.  


"Love?" he asked uncertainly.  


"Brahms?" Her voice shook. "In case... in case it's... I need you to know. I love you. I love you with my whole heart, okay?"  


His stomach turned to ice. "Shae, love, it's all right."  


The door flew open and Shae held a knife over her head, eyes wild with fright. It took her a few seconds to realize it was Brahms and then the knife clattered to the floor. Then she buried her face in her hands and started sobbing so hard, her whole body shook.  


"Shae!" Brahms stepped over the threshold, carefully avoiding the knife and pulled her into his arms. "Why on earth are you--?"  


"Why would you do that?" she sobbed out, slapping at him. "Why would you pretend?! You're not even... you're not even supposed to be here!"  


"It's not Christmas anymore, it's after midnight," he explained, still trying to reach for her. "Shae, what's going on?"  


"You're an asshole!" Shae snapped and ran upstairs to her room. He heard her door slam.  


"Jesus," Brahms said, shakily. He picked up the knife and then closed the door, locking it. He could understand someone being a little nervous when hearing a knock at the door at midnight, but he'd been expecting her to look out a window, see it was him, and then welcome him with open arms. How on earth had everything gone so pear shaped? After he took the knife into the kitchen and placed it back in a drawer, he climbed the stairs to Shae's room and gently knocked on the door. "Love? Can I come in?"  


"No!"  


Exhaling heavily, Brahms sat down in front of the door and drew his knees up to his chest to wait. He nodded off that way two hours later. The door didn't open any time that night.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Had the day off of work due to snow so I thought I'd work on this and get it out sooner! Thanks for reading! <3

Brahms woke to someone gently shaking his shoulder. He jerked awake and first saw long, dark red hair and said hopefully, "Shae?"  


"What are you doing out here, sweetheart?" His face fell. It was Joanna. He blinked sleep from his eyes and saw she was still in her scrubs and looked tired. "It's six a.m."  


He groaned and got to his feet. Shae's door was still locked. She'd left him out all night. Hurt, he slumped his shoulders and said, "I'll just go. I'm sorry."  


"Wait." Joanna lightly touched his arm. "Why don't I make you some tea first. You can tell me what's happened."  


Down in the kitchen, Joanna busily put the kettle on and asked Brahms if he'd like some toast. When he shook his head, she suggested he go take off his outdoor gear and come back to the table. He did so and when he was settled back in his seat, the toast was ready and Joanna crunched away at a slice until the tea was ready.  


When the cups were poured, Brahms explained all about last night, surprising Shae and then her pulling a knife on him. He wasn't sure what he was expecting but it wasn't for Joanna's face to crumble as she put her head in her hands.  


"Oh, Brahms. I'm so, so sorry." For some reason, she looked guilty. "I... I'm sorry that happened to you."  


"Mom?" Footsteps came down the hall and Shae came into the kitchen looking glum, dressed in a big gray sweatshirt and blue plaid pajama pants. When she saw Brahms a cold mask fell over her face and she said crisply, "You're here early."  


"He's here late, love," Joanna said quietly. "He never left."  


The mask melted and tears sparkled in Shae's eyes. She looked away and wiped at her nose with the back of her hand, looking miserable.  


"Take Brahms upstairs," Joanna said. She no longer sounded quiet or gentle but not quite unkind. "You need to tell him everything. He deserves it, considering what happened last night."  


"I don't want to," Shae said, her voice trembling.  


Joanna pursed her lips and then said, "Shae. If you love him, you'll tell him."  


After a moment where she warred with herself, Shae finally looked at Brahms and then tilted her head, indicating that he follow her from the room. Slightly worried, Brahms glanced at Joanna who gave him a weak smile. Then he followed his girlfriend up the stairs to her room and sat down on the bed when she shut the door.  


Shae worried at her hands for a few seconds and sat down next to Brahms. "I'm sorry," she whispered.  


Brahms whispered back, "I'm not angry with you. I'm just confused."  


She sniffled and wrapped her arms around herself. "Yeah. I know." Exhaling a shaky breath she said, "Okay, strap in." He smiled a little but that faded when she only looked bleak. "As far back as I can remember, my dad was abusive. Physically, verbally, emotionally. Always directed at Mom. One of my earliest memories is a time when traffic was bad getting back home from the library so Mom got dinner started a little late. Dad came home and when he saw it was still cooking, he... he grabbed her by the hair and slammed her face into a cabinet. I'll never forget all the blood all over her mouth, how she cried. I cried, too. And Dad picked me up and took me to a restaurant so we could eat. 'She doesn't take good care of us,' he said. Even though I was three, I knew that wasn't true, that his version of reality was skewed.  


"Once a package he was expecting wasn't delivered to the house and the mailman left a slip to pick it up at the post office. I'd fallen off the jungle gym at school and had the breath knocked out of me so Mom was at the hospital with me and didn't have time to get the package before the post office closed. When he found that out, he twisted her arm behind her back so hard, her arm popped out of the socket. I was at home and supposed to be resting but Mom was too embarrassed to go back to the hospital so I had to help her pop her arm back into place. God, the sound." Shae started to shudder. When Brahms tried to wrap his arm around her, she shrugged him off. "I'm sorry, don't. Please don't. Not right now."  


"Okay," Brahms said with numb lips.  


"Those are just some highlights," Shae said bitterly. "Then one day when I was eleven, he was furious because some man at the grocery store told him he had a beautiful wife. In Dad's mind, that meant Mom had to be sleeping with him, right? So when we got home, we unloaded the groceries and Dad got in her face, screaming at her and calling her a slut. And she got so small. I mean, she's small anyway, but she just shrunk in the face of all that rage. And I thought about all the times he'd ever hit her, about helping her cover her bruises with makeup, and popping her arm back in its socket, and having to do chores for her because she was still too sore and achey after a beating to get out of bed and I just got so fucking angry. I didn't want to watch my mom get hit again. So when he raised his fist, I stepped in."  


"Oh, love, no," Brahms breathed.  


Shae shut her eyes tightly. "It felt like my whole head exploded. He'd hit me so hard, he broke my jaw. Mom couldn't stop screaming. I just stood there stupidly with my jaw hanging loose until I suddenly had to sit down on the floor. Dad was crying. I think I went into shock because so much seems like it happened at once. Somehow Mom got me into the car. I was in the emergency room and... I don't know. I lost bits of that. My jaw was wired shut. The day after I was able to come home, my mom filed for divorce. Dad was in jail and we had a restraining order against him.  


"Eventually, Dad lost all his parental rights. There was all the documented times Mom had physical injuries that she'd been saving for when she got the nerve to divorce him. And of course, there was me, the tiny eleven year old with her fucking jaw wired shut. Mom got sole custody. Dad wasn't supposed to come anywhere near us. But then a few months after the divorce was finalized, we started getting all these weird hang up calls. You'd pick up and the other person would breathe heavily and then hang up. It was creepy. It always happened when I was home alone on Wednesday nights, the one night of the week Mom worked late. She'd started working as a nurse after the divorce because we weren't living off of Dad's money anymore.  


"I told Mom about it and she says she had this weird sixth sense that told her that I shouldn't be alone next Wednesday. So she arranged for me to stay the night at my friend Cassie's house and then she called the police to check our house while we were gone. When the cops came by, they found my dad trying to break in. He said he was scared because he'd called and I hadn't picked up but everyone thinks that's bullshit. He'd been calling to establish the pattern of when I'd be alone and then he was going to kidnap me. He was in jail for awhile for that. Attempted kidnapping. He even had a bag of kid's clothes and toys in the car, like he was expecting to take me away, it wasn't a hard case to make.  


"Then back in May, we started getting those hang up calls again. Mom freaked and that's why we moved out here. If Dad leaves the country or even the state, we're supposed to be notified. It feels safer."  


Brahms cleared his throat. "So last night when I knocked on your door..."  


"I thought you were him," she said. She'd stared out the window through the whole story but turned her eyes to him, their hazel color swimming with tears, the whites bloodshot. "I was so scared. I thought he was going to hurt me or take me away and I'd never see Mom or you ever again. It's why I told you that I loved you. I didn't want that to be left hanging between us."  


"Have you been getting hang up calls lately?" Brahms asked.  


Shae shook her head and he exhaled a breath of relief. "He could have decided not to do that anymore so as not to tip us off. I'm sorry, though, Brahms, I'm so, so sorry..." She dissolved into tears and this time when Brahms gathered her close, she let him.  


"I'm the sorry one," he whispered into her hair. "Showing up unexpectedly at midnight and scaring you was a dick move. I had meant to scare you but not so badly that you feared for your life. That'll never, ever happen again."  


Shae tucked her head under his chin and sighed. "And I'll never, ever pull a knife on you ever again."  


"Sounds fair." She huffed out a laugh and Brahms smiled a little. "It's still early. Did you want to get a little more sleep?"  


"Mmm hmmm." Shae sighed and sat up to pull back her covers. "Take your clothes off."  


Her bossy tone went right to his cock but he knew that wouldn't be happening after her emotionally draining story and while her mother was home, besides. He stripped off his jumper and jeans, staying in his thermal, boxers, and socks and got into bed beside her.  


"Sorry about my stiffy," he said gruffly and went red when she laughed.  


"We'll do something about that later," Shae said softly and draped herself across his chest. "I love you, Brahms."  


His cock went twice as hard and he clenched his teeth. "Love you."  


She kissed his chest and felt himself twitch with longing. But she fell asleep soon after and he had to think really atrociously unsexy thoughts to deflate himself and eventually drift off to sleep as well.

~*~

His phone was ringing and Brahms stirred awake, groaning. Shae rolled off of him and the bed and he reached for her too late, his hands closing on empty air. He pouted and sagged backwards again, watching Shae go through his jeans before pulling out his phone.  


"Brahms. It's your parents."  


"Of course it is," he said sourly and caught the phone when Shae tossed it to him. He sat up and held the phone to his ear. "Hello?"  


"Thank god, we were so worried!" his mother exclaimed. "Brahms, where are you? Your bed hasn't been slept in!"  


He rubbed at his eyes with his arm and sighed long and hard. "I'm at Shae's."  


"We told you--"  


"I spent all of Christmas at home," he pointed out. "After midnight, it was the 26th. Not Christmas anymore. I wanted to see my girlfriend and give her her present."  


"You spent the night," his mother said flatly.  


"Nothing happened." Brahms watched Shae go to her desk and his mouth twitched into a smile. "Unfortunately."  


"Brahms!" his mother exclaimed, scandalized.  


"Sorry." Fair play, she probably didn't want to know about his sex life anymore than he wanted to know about his parents'. "I'm going to spend the day over here. I'll be back tonight."  


His mother was quiet and then she said, "I understand you care about Shae, darling. But in future, please don't disappear during the night. You've got a mobile now so you can call us when plans come up. All right?"  


He blinked in surprise. That actually sounded reasonable. "Of course. I'm sorry I worried you."  


"We're glad you're all right. Enjoy your visit."  


"I will. Goodbye."  


"Goodbye."  


Shae looked over from her desk, picking up a small white box tied with gold ribbon. "That sounded civil."  


"We're improving." Brahms opened his arms. "Come back here."  


Smiling, Shae came back to the bed but didn't dive immediately into his arms. Instead, she shyly presented the box to him. "Merry Christmas, Brahms."  


His heart warmed. "Thank you. Yours is in my jacket downstairs. I'll go get it and then we can do this, okay?"  


"'Kay."  


Brahms slipped on his jeans and hurried downstairs. Joanna was still in bed; it was just getting to be 9:30 but he didn't want to run the risk of her catching him without any trousers on. He grabbed the glossy red box with the big gold ribbon on it out of his coat pocket and jogged back upstairs.  


Shae's face lit up when she saw him. "Should we open them together or...?"  


"Open yours first," Brahms said. "I want to watch you."  


He got back under the covers with her and handed her the box. She handed his present to him and he placed it on the pillow and watched eagerly as she tore the paper and revealed the black velvet jewelers box. She gave him a slightly worried look and then opened the box with trepidation.  


"Oh!" she gasped and he grinned. "Oh, they're beautiful!" She lifted out one of the blue topaz earrings inside the box and held it up to her ear. "How did you know...?"  


"I Googled what December's birthstone is," Brahms said. He frowned in puzzlement. "There's like, four stones. I picked what I thought you might believe is the prettiest one."  


"You thought right!" She put the earrings on and then pulled her hair up in a messy, cute pile on her head, holding it in place with one hand. She tilted her head this way and that. "How do I look?"  


"Beautiful," he said, not looking at the earrings.  


Shae let her hair fall and said softly, "Thank you, baby."  


"You're welcome." He reached out a hand and gently ran it over her tousled, sexy bed hair. He wanted to see her with her clothes off, wearing the earrings and the necklace only.  


Shae fluttered her hands excitedly. "Now open yours, open yours!"  


Laughing, Brahms picked the box up. "All right, all right!" He untied the ribbon and lifted the lid. Inside the box was only a key. He frowned and then looked up at her in confusion.  


Shae bit her lip. "It's the key to the house. So you can come in anytime you want."  


His heart raced. "Does your mother...?"  


"I asked her first and it's okay. You're welcome here any time. Just uh, you know, give me a heads up first so you can be welcomed in a more friendly kind of way." She gave him an embarrassed smile and then started to look worried when he looked back down at the box. "Is, um. Is this okay? Are you disappointed?"  


He looked back up at her, his eyes glistening. "How could I possibly be disappointed? You gave me your whole heart. It's more than I could have ever wished for."  


Shae slid into his lap and breathed, "I love you." Her lips closed over his and the box with the key fell from his hands as he wrapped his arms around her. "I love you so much, Brahms. I've never... I've never told a boyfriend that before."  


Possessively, he ran his hands down her back and down under her ass, cupping her against his growing erection. "I really want you," he growled, making her shiver.  


"We have to be quiet," she whispered. "My mom..."  


They removed their clothes and Brahms rolled on the condom Shae handed him and they had quiet, urgent sex under the covers, Shae palming his chest while breathing out soft "oh"s and Brahms breathing raggedly on her neck. When she was close, he bit her on her neck, not too hard but enough to make her squeal and then climax so hard she had to clap both hands over her mouth to hold it all in.  


Brahms came when she sagged within his arms and cooed, "Love you so much, baby." Once he'd caught his breath and his eyes uncrossed, he realized that Shae had slipped away from him and was out of bed, getting dressed. He frowned at her crossly and she laughed a little.  


"Brahms, we have to get up. I just heard Mom in the hallway. Let's go downstairs and pretend we didn't just fuck each other's brains out."  


He sat up and ran a hand over his head, wondering how frightful his hair must look. "Is that what we do? Fuck?"  


She paused. "Uh... I mean. Yeah? When it's quick and rough, I guess that's what it is. Why?"  


"No reason." He shrugged and dug under the covers, trying to find the boxer shorts he'd peeled off feverishly just minutes ago.  


Shae came back and sat on the bed. "No. There's a reason. Tell me."  


He looked uncomfortable and shrugged again. "It's fine."  


She searched his eyes and then sat back, biting her lip. "Oh, baby. You're more romantic than you realize." He was still too embarrassed to look at her so she scooted closer and put a hand on his shoulder, pressing her forehead to his. "It's not just physical with you. It feels like more of an emotional connection than anything I've ever felt before. And I'm sorry that I said 'fuck.' I just think 'making love' sounds really cheesy, even if it _is_ a better description of what we do."  


He relaxed and his warm, dark eyes met hers. "Okay."  


She nodded back and took his hand, linking their fingers together. "Okay."


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm snowed in at home, sick, and injured after falling down a flight of stairs! I'm okay but staying in bed so I expect to bust out a few more chapters of this story during the week. I have the ending all mapped out in my head, the trouble is getting there without the characters throwing more twists at me. Sigh! Anyway, enjoy. <3

After Christmas, Margaret shut the bookshop and decided to open it after the New Year. As a result, Shae had much more free time which she spent almost exclusively with Brahms. Once they went to the movies with Malcolm and the Khatri twins to see a really stupid action movie that only Malcolm seemed to enjoy. Brahms fell asleep and was embarrassed later when Shae gently told him that the whole point of going to bad movies was to make out in the dark with your date.  


Joanna decided to throw a New Year's Eve party at the house and invited all of her friends from the hospital and encouraged Shae to invite her friends as well. Shae stuck to her core group, mostly because she was too embarrassed for school friends to see her mother and her mother's work colleagues get drunk. Brahms's parents were invited but the night of, Belinda begged off with a headache and Roland and Brahms walked through the woods to the Willingham cottage hours early to help them set up for the party. First they took down all the Christmas decorations and then put up silver and blue streamers. Roland hung a string of letters over the entrance to the kitchen that spelled out HAPPY NEW YEAR and they arranged the dopey party hats on a table next to snacks and a clear space for others to bring in treats.  


And there was alcohol. Loads and loads of alcohol.  


When the party was in full swing, Shae got irritated by all the annoying adults who kept asking her how old she was and if she had a boyfriend and their knowing chuckles once she pointed Brahms out to them and she gathered her friends together to go up to her room to drink in peace.  


"Let's play a drinking game!" Rose said, bouncing onto Shae's bed.  


"Beer pong!" Malcolm suggested, standing in front of Shae's friend wall and pointing at every picture he appeared in.  


Lily scoffed. "You don't know how to play beer pong."  


"Besides, we haven't got beer," Rose said, pointing to the wine bottle in Shae's hand.  


Shae handed the bottle and the corkscrew to Brahms for him to open. "Let's just play Never Have I Ever. That's easy enough."  


"How do you play?" Brahms mumbled as he struggled with the bottle. The cork came flying out, making the girls and Malcolm scream and duck though the cork was nowhere near any of them and hit Shae's desk, ricocheted off of her bedpost and then settled on the floor in a corner.  


"Jesus," Shae breathed, pressing a hand to her chest. "Anyway. Pour us some drinks, Brahms. Then we'll all sit together and each of us says what we haven't done and if you've done it you take a drink."  


Brahms frowned as he joined the others in a circle on the floor. "What?"  


"Here, watch." She took the red cup Brahms handed her and announced, "Never have I ever been pulled over by the police."  


Malcolm laughed and took a sip of his drink.  


Rose gasped, scandalized. "What did you do?"  


"I pulled the car over. It was the police."  


"Noooo!" Rose slapped his arm, making him giggle uncontrollably. "Why did they pull you over?"  


"Broken rear light," Malcolm said a little sheepishly.  


"I'll go next!" Lily held up her cup and said proudly, "Never have I ever seen a penis in real life!"  


Everyone in the room took a sip and Lily looked expectantly at her twin. Rose thought for a moment and then said, "Never have I ever failed a class."  


They all looked at one another and then shrugged.  


"Maybe you shouldn't play this game with nerds," Shae giggled. "Brahms? It's your turn."  


Brahms cleared his throat and said awkwardly, "Never have I ever been to America."  


Shae and the twins took a drink and then Shae said, "Never have I ever been streaking."  


Malcom took a sip and the girls screamed. "Details!!"  


"The game's 'Never Have I Ever', not 'Details'!" Malcolm protested.  


"Where did you streak?" Rose demanded.  


"I'm not talking about it," Malcolm said.  


Lily gasped. "Oh my god. Wait. Wait!! Last year? The masked man who ran through assembly...?"  


"But you've never seen a penis," Brahms said, tilting his head.

"I was sketching during assembly and only looked up when he was running out the door. All I saw was his bum. His not terribly impressive bum."

Malcolm's face turned red and everyone howled with laughter. "Come on, now. It was a dare. I had to do it."  


"Who dared you?" Shae asked.  


"Er, Jeremy." Malcolm cut an uncomfortable look in Brahms's direction and then made a big show of grabbing a throw pillow off of Shae's bed so he could get better settled in his spot on the floor.  


Lily cleared her throat. "Er. Never have I ever had sex."  


Shae, Malcolm, and Brahms each took a sip. Brahms glanced in surprise between Rose and Malcolm, wondering, but didn't think it was his business to ask. Malcolm and Rose had been together longer than Brahms and Shae. Maybe his parents were right when they insinuated that he and Shae were moving too fast?  


Rose said crisply, "Never have I ever kissed a girl."  


Lily glared at her sister and took a sip while Brahms and Malcolm also took drinks. Then to the shock of everyone, Shae also took a drink.  


"What?" Malcolm asked, goggling at Shae.  


Shae blushed a little but said defiantly, "It was summer camp and I was fourteen. And she was super hot and I'm not sorry."  


"Who was she?" Lily asked, intrigued.  


"Her name was Alona. We were in the same cabin and during a game of truth or dare, I was dared to kiss her." Shae shrugged. "It honestly wasn't a big deal." She glanced worriedly at Brahms, whose shoulders were starting to hunch. "Really."  


Malcolm seemed to realize Brahms's discomfort and said gently, "Your turn, mate."  


Everyone braced themselves since the game was starting to get a little ugly. But Brahms surprised everyone by saying quietly, "Never have I ever built a snowman."  


The twins gasped and then took their sips, as did Malcolm and Shae. Then Malcolm set his cup aside and said, "Right. We're fixing that now. Everyone outside, we're helping Brahms build a snowman."  


Happy to abandon the game, they all left their drinks and stumbled down the stairs where they wove through the adults who talked way too loudly or were dancing awkwardly in place to the boring old music that was playing. The teenagers put on their winter gear and headed outside to the nice, quiet snowscape.  


"It's so beautiful," Rose breathed.  


"Right!" Malcolm slapped his gloved hands together. "Let's begin!"  


Malcolm talked them through how to build a snowman, mostly for Brahms's benefit, and explained to him what had gone wrong with the snowman he and Shae had tried to build. They followed Malcolm's tips and soon they had a large snowman as tall as Brahms and Lily ran back into the party for some finishing touches. They made the smile out of M&M's, it had a carrot nose, rock eyes, and wore a big, floppy sunhat of Joanna's.  


"Let's name her Snowflake," Rose suggested.  


"I like that," Shae agreed. "Snowflake von Iceberg."  


They giggled together and then heard from the house, "TEN! NINE! EIGHT!"  


Lily gasped. "Oh wow, already?"  


"SEVEN! SIX! FIVE!"  


Malcolm grabbed Rose's hand and they started hopping up and down together. "FOUR! THREE! TWO!"  


Shae looked up into Brahms's confused face and smiled, crooking her finger to him so he lowered his head to hers. "ONE!" Their lips touched. "HAPPY NEW YEAR!" She gently opened her mouth over his and brought her arms up around his neck. They kept their kisses light and playful, aware that they were around their friends and Lily was sighing in annoyance as everyone around her kissed except her.  


When they pulled apart, Brahms whispered, "Was that better than Alona?"  


Shae smiled up at him. "I was never in love with Alona. You're the only one I wanna kiss over and over again."  


Brahms beamed down at her as Malcolm and Rose broke apart. "Why do we kiss at New Year's?" Malcolm asked. "I've always wondered."  


"The person you kiss on New Year's is the person you're supposed to spend the rest of the year with," Shae said. She held Brahms's hand tightly in hers. "At least that's what I've heard."  


Lily sighed. "Can we go in, now?"  


"Yes, we can go in," Malcolm said. "We've built Brahms's snowman and it's midnight. I think we've accomplished all we set out for."  


"You're such a dork," Shae chuckled affectionately as they trudged through the snow back into the house.

~*~

The Monday after New Years was the first day back at school and the instructors all doubled down on the homework. Their exams were in mid May and the teachers wanted everyone fully prepared. As a stress relief, Shae took the lead from Brahms and had signed up for P.E. Getting to run around and play sports would help relieve some tension Shae was currently feeling. After New Years, Shae had gotten her period so she hadn't gotten to sleep with Brahms during their last few days of freedom. Then with school back in session and the bookshop open once more, Shae's days were busy. Brahms was going to therapy three times a week so he wasn't as available as he used to be, either. She felt like a bad girlfriend for feeling annoyed that the few hours they could have the cottage to themselves, Brahms was in Framington sitting on a couch and barfing out his feelings to someone else.  


 _You're the one who told him to go to therapy_ , Shae reminded herself as she sat in class with her chin in her hand, watching Brahms as he took notes. _And he needs it. Besides, look how much happier he is._  


There was no denying that things had improved greatly for her boyfriend. During break, Jeremy Benson's parents had quietly withdrawn their son from the school. Rumor had it that the Bensons had been considering a lawsuit because of the school's inability to expel the culprit that had pummeled Jeremy but when the Head pulled out Jeremy's file that was as thick as a phonebook, full of years of bullying complaints, the Bensons had let the matter drop. With Jeremy gone, the others were leery of tormenting Brahms so he was permitted to attend school without harassment for the first time in his entire life.  


He still wasn't popular and never would be; he was too quiet and introverted for that. But word had gotten around about the Christmas/birthday party he'd thrown which had turned out to be really successful. Some of the students even admired what he'd done to Jeremy. Mostly, the others were in awe of how he'd started walking at his full height, no longer slumping his shoulders in an effort to look smaller and less noticeable. You had to admire a guy with that much going for him.  


In order to take P.E., Shae had dropped her voice lessons. At first she really regretted the decision, but the girl's class was held at the same time as the boy's class so Shae had yet another opportunity to see Brahms. The two classes never co-mingled, mostly because the teachers hated each other, so they never actually got to play any games together. But Shae had plenty of opportunities to ogle her hot, sweaty boyfriend as he ran around with the other lads.  


One day in mid January, Shae's class was running drills between orange cones while the teacher blew a whistle. Shae was one of the first girls to get the drill finished and stood back from the line, getting her breath back and looked over to the boys to see what they were up to.  


The boys had been organized into games of basketball and to differentiate the teams, they decided to play shirts vs. skins. And Brahms was one of the skins, tugging his t-shirt off over his head. Just like that, Shae's whole body was awash with desire. He played well and she watched his every move as he guarded one of the shirts, intercepting the ball at one point and passing it to another boy who was closer to the net. "Nice pass, Heelshire!" the coach shouted out. They played until the skins made five baskets and the coach blew his whistle, sending out another group of boys to play. With the limited space, only a few teams could play at a time. Brahms stood back from the group after accepting a high five from one of the boys and he folded his arms, glistening with sweat as he panted.  


Without even pausing to think about what she was doing, Shae set out across the gym toward him.

~*~

Donal Monihan gave Brahms a high five. "Thanks for the pass. Benson would've tried to take the shot himself."  


Brahms nodded and glanced over to the girls running drills but didn't spot Shae anywhere. Disappointed, he turned back to Donal who hadn't moved on yet. Instead, he was peering at Brahms's neck and a slow grin spread across his face. He pointed at the fading love bite Shae had given him about a week ago.  


"Nice," he commented.  


Not really knowing how to respond to that, Brahms muttered, "Thanks, I guess."  


"You and Shae then. Pretty serious?"  


Brahms frowned at him. "Yes."  


"No, hey, mate, I'm not..." Donal held up his hands. "Only asking. Just think it's funny because Jeremy convinced himself that he could get Shae for himself. Delusional, if you ask me. It's nice to see him not get what he wants for once. Everyone could tell that you two were like... I dunno. Romeo and Juliet shit, right? Destined in the stars or something. Just saying... good on ya, mate."  


"Well..." Brahms stood up a little straighter and nodded. "Thanks."  


Donal clapped him on the back and then let out a low whistle. "We got company."  


Curious, Brahms turned and there was Shae coming up alongside him. Her face was slightly flushed and she said quietly, "Could I talk to you?"  


"Of course." Brahms turned back to Donal as he took Shae's elbow and felt awkward.  


"Go on mate, I'll cover you," Donal said.  


"Thanks." Brahms hustled out the gym door without attracting the coach's attention. Once they were alone he immediately asked, "Are you all right? What's wrong?"  


Shae took his hand and tugged him down the hallway to a janitor's cupboard and shut them inside. He was just about to repeat his questions when Shae was suddenly in his arms, kissing him so urgently he collapsed against the wall.  


"You're so hot with your shirt off," she said throatily and kissed all down his neck.  


Brahms swallowed hard and gently pushed her back to look in her face. "Shae, we're at school."  


"And?" She smiled impishly. "I miss you. Seeing you all shirtless and sweaty made me think, 'go for it.' I know you prefer a bed but sometimes you have to take the opportunities you're handed." She leaned forward and kissed along his chest and Brahms let out a shaky sigh, raising a hand to stroke her hair. Then her hot little mouth latched onto one of his nipples and he growled and lifted her up into his arms then spun, pressing her to the wall.  


"You're gonna give me blue balls," he snarled. "Is that the idea? Tease me until I want to die?"  


Shae's eyes were wide as she slowly shook her head. "Put me down."  


Frustrated, Brahms set her on her feet and was about to say something rude about working him up at school when she slid her shorts and underpants down and kicked them off. Then she pulled her t-shirt up over her head and unclasped her sports bra. He gaped at her and her eyes glowed back at him in promise.  


"No teasing," she purred. "Come here."  


Brahms lifted her up again and pressed her against the wall, kissing her hungrily before saying in a shaky, low tone, "Love, I haven't got a condom."  


"You can pull out, can't you?" she whispered in his ear.  


Oh, god. Maybe? He sure hoped so. As he propped his hands against the wall and debated with himself, Shae reached down and started pushing down his gym shorts. He went to help her without even thinking about it and his cock swung free.  


"Please, baby," she whispered and bit her lip.  


"Okay." Brahms swallowed hard and grasped his cock and then slowly eased it into Shae's willing body. His eyes slammed shut and fireworks went off behind his eyelids. She always felt good but without the rubber barrier... holy shit. So hot and wet and perfect. He held still, sheathed all the way inside her and tried to get a hold of himself. He knew if anything happened, if she shifted or sneezed or said anything in that sexy, throaty voice of hers, he was going to come instantly, deep inside her.  


Sensing his tension, Shae stayed still as well, breathing raggedly against his temple. They stayed that way for nearly two whole minutes before Shae let out a desperate whimper. He could feel her inner muscles fluttering around him, so turned on and needing release, if only he could give her just a bit of sensation to set it off.  


This was about as calm as he was going to get, so he carefully withdrew a few inches and then sunk back inside her. Shae moaned and tipped her head back, grinding it into the wall behind her.  


"Shhh," he whispered. He watched in fascination as she bit her lip, the color in her face heightening. The only sound in the the cupboard was Brahms's steady breathing and the wet sound of him pumping within her, slow and steady.  


"Mmm!" She tilted her head and dreamily whispered, "Please..."  


Knowing exactly what she wanted, Brahms dipped his head and grasped her left nipple with his lips, sucking steadily before biting down on her firm flesh.  


Sobbing, Shae bucked hard against him and he could feel her pussy clamping him over and over. Brahms knew he was close and hurriedly pulled out just in time to come all over her flat tummy and dripping down into her crisp, red pubic hair.

~*~

Shae cradled Brahms against her as they recovered. She stroked his sweaty back with one hand, the other smoothing over his tumbled curls. Finally, Brahms pulled back and they stared into each other's eyes for a long moment.  


"That was close," Brahms said.  


Shae nodded her agreement, chastened. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have..."  


"No. No, I wanted to." He looked like he was going to say something more but he closed his mouth and set her on her feet. He glanced around the cupboard and spotted a package of paper towels. Brahms grabbed a roll and tenderly wiped up the mess he'd made along her front and then grabbed another towel to dab between her legs.  


"I can get on the pill," Shae said quietly.  


Brahms paused and then said, "Okay."  


Something in his tone caught her attention as she gathered her clothes together and he started cleaning himself up. "What?"  


"Well, I mean..." Brahms shrugged. "It wouldn't be so bad, would it?"  


"What?" Shae asked.  


His face was light pink as he looked up into her eyes. "A little Brahms or a little Shae."  


She swallowed hard. "Um. Not like... not right now, though. You know?"  


He looked away. "Right. Yeah, I know."  


They finished getting dressed and Shae peeked her head out the door to make sure the hallway was still empty. Brahms found a trash bag and put the soiled paper towels inside before tying it up securely. The coast was clear so she stepped out and waved Brahms after her. They walked back to the gym without talking, Brahms dumping the bag in a garbage can, and joined the other loud, sweaty students running about. No one seemed to have missed them.  


"See you later," Shae said awkwardly.  


"Yeah, see you." Brahms walked back to the boys and joined his teammates who were just about to play another game.  


Shae watched him and felt a faint sense of unease before crossing the room and queuing up for another drill.


	17. Chapter 17

Brahms paced around his room, thinking. It had been over a week since the encounter in the broom cupboard, a week since he'd practically confessed that he wanted to get Shae pregnant. She'd been troubled ever since and he hadn't been sure how to talk to her about what he was thinking. He'd discussed it with his therapist, Anna, and he was working up his nerve to be completely honest with Shae. She was at work at the moment and he had to pick her up soon.  


Unable to wait around worrying any longer, Brahms decided to leave a little early. He grabbed his keys off of his dresser and headed out the door and down the stairs.  


"Brahms, darling?" His mother walked a little unsteadily into the room, drink in hand. "Are you leaving already?"  


Frowning, Brahms stared at the glass she was holding. "Mum. What's going on?"  


"Is there a problem?" She asked crisply, raising her eyebrows. "Am I not allowed to inquire as to what my own son's plans are for the evening?"  


"No, of course you're allowed. I was only--" He gave up and turned away to the closet for his coat. He was already planning on getting into a big conversation today and didn't need to have another one about his mother's new alcohol problem. "Yes, I'm leaving early. I'll call if I plan to stay there for dinner."  


His mother snorted rudely. "It must be a Heelshire trait to love that poky little cottage so much. Or red-haired women. Unsightly color if you ask me."  


"No one asked you," Brahms said in a low, angry tone. "And I'll walk out that door and never come back if you say one more word about my girlfriend."  


Stricken, Belinda raised a hand to her throat. "Oh... oh, darling, no I-I didn't mean.... Shae's a very dear girl, you know I like--"  


Uninterested, Brahms went out the door and stormed down the steps. The snow had finally melted so he was able to storm to his car as well without floundering in the deep snow they'd had all last month. Hoping his mother was watching from a window, he started up his car so it roared angrily and spun his tires wildly on his way away from the house.

~*~

Shae smiled sweetly at the mother and young child she was waiting on and handed them their bag of books. "Enjoy! Anne of Green Gables was one of my favorites when I was little."  


"Because you have red hair?" the little girl asked, holding her mother's hand.  


Laughing, Shae shrugged. "Well, I was also really imaginative and talked too much. Anyway, you two have a good evening."  


"Thank you," the mother said with a smile and they headed to the door which was opening already, Brahms coming inside. The little girl gaped up at him for a moment but followed obediently when her mother gave her a gentle tug.  


"Excuse me," Brahms murmured, stepping aside to let them out. When the door closed, he looked over at Shae. "Hello."  


"Hi." She glanced at the clock. "I've got about five more minutes..."  


He cleared his throat, hands in his pockets. "I know. Just... wanted to see you."  


"Okay." She bent under the counter for some Lysol and a roll of paper towels and sprayed down the counter, wiping it up. "How was your day?"  


"Fine." Brahms walked over to a shelf and glanced disinterestedly at the titles. "Is your mother home tonight?"  


Shae's heart started to pound. "Yes." They hadn't had sex since the time at school and Shae hadn't had her doctor's appointment yet in order to get pills. In the mean time, she hoped to avoid intercourse with Brahms, picturing him puncturing condoms beforehand. _A little Brahms or Shae_. Good fucking grief. It didn't help that when she'd discussed her concerns with Lily and Rose, they'd looked troubled and Lily suggested that maybe they should put their relationship on hold if Shae was this worried and distrustful.  


Watching Brahms with his awkwardly hunched shoulders, looking at her with those sad dark eyes of his, his curls tumbled over his forehead, Shae's heart twisted. She couldn't break up with him. He would never actually do anything like that, sabotaging their birth control, she knew that deep down. Yet here she'd been for over a week now, shying away from anything more than the lightest touch, not allowing deeper kisses. It wasn't even fair; she'd been the one to jump him, the one to order him to pull out.  


Sighing in exasperation at herself, Shae put the cleaning things away and glanced at the clock. Three more minutes. She left the register and walked around the shop, picking up stacks of books she found and putting them back on shelves, and discarding a used tissue she found wadded up and shoved behind a book on a display easel.  


"Is that...?" Brahms asked as she carried it to the waste bin with a grossed out look on her face.  


"Yes." She dropped it in. "I'll go wash my hands and then I should be ready to go."  


"Okay." Brahms shook his head. "People are disgusting."  


"This is true." Shae shared a sweet smile with him and then ducked into the backroom and the little powder room there.  


"Leaving, love?" Margaret called from her office.  


Shae switched off the water and dried her hands. "Yes! Just cleaning up a bit. I found another tissue."  


"When I find out who it is who keeps doing that, I'm banning them," Margaret said cheerfully. "You have a good evening, love. Tell your young man hello for me."  


"I will!" Shae grabbed her coat and purse from the hooks hanging by the door. "Bye, Margaret."  


"Goodbye, Shae darling."  


Shrugging into her coat, Shae followed Brahms to the door where he held it open for her. They walked out to the car and he held the door open for her there, too. Shae had never had a boyfriend who'd do both of those things in one day. It was always one or the other. One boy had been particularly annoying, locking the door just as she'd reach for the handle. No matter how many times he did it, he'd always laugh his ass off and then accuse her of not having a sense of humor once she was finally allowed into the car and wasn't happy about being left outside looking foolish. She was lucky to have Brahms.  


"Is your mum at the house right now?" Brahms asked as he backed out of the parking space.  


"Yes," Shae said tightly.  


"Okay." They drove along the road for awhile and then he asked, "Do you mind if we pull over somewhere, then?"  


Shae was silent for a very long time. Long enough for Brahms to try not to look hurt but she knew she was hurting him. He struggled to speak for a moment and then said, "I won't... I'm not trying to... I only want to talk, Shae."  


"Okay," she said softly, feeling her own eyes get misty.  


They drove out into the country and Brahms pulled onto an old dirt road and brought the car to a stop. They sat there in mostly silence, listening to the engine tick as it cooled. The wind blew a little and though they were safely inside the warm car, Shae shivered.  


Brahms nervously smoothed a hand over the steering wheel and clenched his jaw tightly. Finally, he opened his mouth and out came, "I'm sorry."  


Shae didn't know what to say, figured she didn't need to say anything. She knew this was just the preamble for what he had planned and started to feel sick. He was going to break up with her, wasn't he. She could feel it. Something very important was going to happen right now, and based on how she'd been acting towards him, it wasn't going to be anything good. Bringing trembling fingers up to her lips, Shae willed herself not to start crying. Not until he'd said his piece at least.  


He cleared his throat and said, "I didn't mean to scare you. When I said that you getting pregnant wouldn't be a bad thing. I didn't mean that I wanted you to have my child right that instant, exactly. I'm in no hurry to be a father right now, it's not as if that's one of my goals or anything." He cleared his throat again and sniffed hard as well. "The thing is... you know I don't have a good family life. You've met my parents. You've seen..." He struggled for a moment. "But sometimes, I allow myself this... this fantasy I guess it is. Usually when I'm sitting at the table with the pair of them and she's getting pickled and he's pretending like nothing's happening and talking so loud and jovially and I picture... I picture what it would be like. You and me. The two of us and the life we'd build together and... and the child we'd have. A little one with my curls and your eyes and we wouldn't be like them. We'd be happy. I would sit at the dinner table and maybe you'd talk about your day at the bookshop and the kid would bang their spoon against their plate and I'd only be able to smile because I know everyone at that table wants to be there, that everyone at that table loves me, that... that for once everyone is just... is just..."  


"Oh, Brahms." Shae popped open her seatbelt and slid across the seat to gather him into his arms as he broke down. "Baby, shhh. I understand now. I get it."  


"You're home to me," Brahms struggled out. "You're everything comforting and warm and I don't want to lose you because I said one stupid thing. I'm sorry, Shae, I'm so sorry."  


Shae stroked his hair. "You haven't lost me," she whispered in his ear. "It's okay. I'm here."  


Once he'd settled down a bit, Shae pulled back to smooth his curls and tenderly wipe the tears from his face with the back of her hand. "Once my mom had too much to drink a few years ago. It was Thanksgiving, I think. I was fifteen. And mom got a little too truthful and told me something that I think she really regrets saying. But apparently, when my parents met when they were at school, Mom was planning on breaking up with Dad before graduation. She loved him and he hadn't started beating her yet but there were warning signs, you know? He didn't like when she went out with friends, gave her the silent treatment for days if she said the wrong thing. You know what stopped her?"  


Brahms sniffled and understanding dawned on his face. "You."  


"Yeah. She was pregnant with me so they got married." She gave him a tight little smile. "Unplanned Shae ruined her escape plan."  


He shook his head and reached out to lightly tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. "No. She was a grown woman who could have left on her own. It wasn't your fault at all. Did she say--"  


"No, she didn't say anything like that. It's just what I internalized." Shae shrugged. "So when you said what you said, it made me think that maybe you wanted me pregnant to ensure that I couldn't ever leave you."  


"Do you want to leave me?" Brahms asked quietly.  


"No," she said emphatically. "No, absolutely not."  


He sniffed and looked down, taking her hand in his. "Okay."  


She looked at their hands together, his so much bigger than hers but holding it so gently it was like he was cradling a robin's egg or a bit of spun glass. He was so lovely it made her heart ache.  


"Even though my mom's at the house, do you still want to come over?" Shae asked.  


"Of course. I always want to spend time with you. Especially at your house."  


That made her smile. "Good. Let's get out of here, then. It's especially creepy out here."  


"Like we're in a horror film?" He started the engine and glanced over at her. "Do you think we'll find a hook on the door handle?"  


"Ewww, shut up."  


Laughing, he drove them out of there and back to the warm little cottage where Joanna had homemade bread baking in the oven.

~*~

February 14th. Valentine's Day. And a school day so they'd made their plans to drive to Trenton to attend an art gallery and dinner immediately after school. Brahms had his good suit in a garment bag in his trunk and drove to Shae's house to pick her up. He pulled up in front of the house and saw Joanna was off at work again since there was no sign of her car. He didn't know how she could put up with the inconsistent schedule but Shae had said that as the newest nurse, she'd get all the odd shifts for awhile until she'd proven herself or someone newer came along. Pretty selfless profession, nursing. Brahms didn't think he could do it; too much vomit.  


Frowning, Brahms looked at the time on his dashboard. Shae should have come out by now. He picked up his phone and texted 'u coming??' After another couple of minutes and no response, Brahms sighed and switched the engine off. Guess he'd have to go in and collect her. He got out of the car and picked out her housekey on his ring. He hadn't had a chance to use it yet and gingerly put it in the lock, feeling odd. It wasn't his house and even though he was always welcome here, he still felt like a creep.  


When the door was open, he called, "Shae?" The house was dark and Brahms came inside, shutting the door and switching on a lamp. He saw that the picture Joanna had taken of he and Shae before the 90s dance was on the mantle. He smiled and went to the stairs, walking up them as loudly as possible so as not to startle Shae if she was still getting ready but had lost track of time.  


"Shae?" he called again. It was dark upstairs, too. He pushed open her bedroom door and sighed in annoyance, flipping on the light switch. There she was, still curled up in bed, snoozing peacefully. "Shae. Get up. We're going to be late."  


"Mmm." Shae curled up into a ball and made a cute kittenish sound that immediately made him feel less grumpy.  


Brahms went to her bedside and climbed in next to her, curling his arms around her waist. "Come on, love. We have to go to school."  


"Mmph. Unh uh." She turned in his arms and nuzzled his neck.  


"No? You want to skip?"  


Shae sighed and turned away again. "We're not skipping. We've got excused absences."  


"What are you talking about?" he asked, frowning.  


She sighed again, this time like he was the thickest boy on the planet. "I called the school pretending to be our moms and got us excused for the day."  


"Are you serious?" Brahms asked in disbelief, laughing.  


"'Brahms has got a stomach virus,'" she said in an eerily good impression of his mother. "'I'm afraid he can't come to school today. Will he be able to make up his course work?'"  


"You're brilliant," Brahms said, admiringly.  


"Damn straight I am. Now get out of those stupid clothes and come back to bed. It's way too early."  


Obediently, Brahms got out of bed and stripped down to his boxers and switched the light out. Then he got into bed once more, pulling Shae back into his arms. She turned her head and pouted at him. "You're so cooooold."  


"Well, then, warm me uuuuup," he said back, making her giggle.  


"Mmm, well, you know the warmest part of me," she said in a low, suggestive tone.  


"Your heart?"  


She laughed and pressed a hand to her face. "Okay, that's adorable. I love you."  


He chuckled and kissed her ear. "Love you, too. But I think you may have meant...?" He reached into her sleep shorts and gently cupped her.  


"Yessss." She gasped as his fingers slipped inside her. He fingered her while fondling one of her breasts until she came with a soft cry. Then she rolled to her back and squirmed out of her pajamas. When Brahms was out of his boxers and about to prop himself over her, she pressed a hand to his chest. "Wait! It's Valentine's Day. Maybe we should try a new position?"  


"Like what?" Brahms asked, intrigued.  


Shae smiled wickedly and rolled onto her tummy, rising up on all fours. "Liiiiike this one?"  


Brahms took a shaky breath. "Yeah, okay."  


She giggled. "That's it?"  


"What am I supposed to say?" Brahms asked.  


"Maybe, 'thank you Shae for thinking of this super cool position that's in every porno ev-- ooh!" While she'd been teasing him, he'd lined himself up at her entrance and thrust inside.  


"Are you okay?" Brahms quickly asked.  


"Uh huh," Shae breathed. "Oh my god, you're in so deep..."  


Brahms kept up a steady pace pumping inside her and with this position, Shae was able to reach her own clit and rub it without awkwardly getting between them. It felt really great and he liked it, but... Brahms frowned down at the back of Shae's tousled bed head and paused.  


"What? Stopping? Why stopping?" Shae asked in a high, pinched voice.  


"I, uh, I just..." Brahms swallowed. "I need to see you."  


Shae moved so he slipped from between her legs and sat up. A loving smile was on her face and she leaned forward to kiss him softly. "You really are a romantic. But I have an idea, okay?" She spun around and backed up into his lap, her thighs on the outside of his and pressed her back to his chest. She turned her head to look at him, face flushed and smiling. "Similar angle but you can see my face better. Okay?"  


Brahms slipped his cock back inside her and felt his heart twist at the way her eyes closed and pure bliss shone on her face. "Perfect."  


Ten minutes later, Shae came sobbing his name and Brahms growled in pleasure at his own release. Then they got back under the covers and fell asleep snuggled up together.

~*~

They spent the rest of the morning sleeping and then waking up to fool around, having sex two more times before deciding to get up in the early afternoon to eat. They made bowls of cereal and lounged on the sofa, watching cartoons. Around three, Shae got up and announced that it was time to get ready for their date. Eagerly, Brahms followed her upstairs and they took a shower together where they each managed to behave themselves and got clean without any distractions. Then Brahms went out to his car to get his suit out of the trunk and Shae got to work getting ready.  


When Brahms came back, Shae shouted at him to stay out of her room so he got dressed in Joanna's room though it felt awkward. He'd gone with a red waistcoat with his black suit but still looked carefully in Joanna's full length mirror to double check that he looked cool. He did. Then he brushed his hair and smoothed the curls down to the best of his ability before giving up. He really should just clip his hair short. Though now he didn't give a toss what his mother thought but Shae seemed to really love his curls.  


She still wasn't ready so he went downstairs and washed up their breakfast things so Shae's mother wouldn't suspect he'd been here. Then he went back out to the lounge and put the telly on, watching a news report about squatters in the area but he didn't pay much attention.  


Then, "Brahms?" He turned his head and his jaw immediately dropped.  


Shae stood, smiling seductively at him. She'd curled her hair and piled it on top of her head, her makeup flawless as always. But the dress... it was red velvet, sleeveless, with a sweetheart neckline. Nestled in her cleavage was the locket he'd given her. She wore black hose and black heels which would match her jacket and handbag.  


Brahms struggled to his feet. "You look... you look..."  


"So do you," she said, looking him over with admiring eyes.  


"Are you sure we don't have time to go upstairs just once more...?"  


Giggling, Shae went to the closet. "Nope! We're going out, Romeo!"  


"If you say so," Brahms said and helped her into her coat.  


"I do say so. I also say, Happy Valentine's Day, baby."  


"Happy Valentine's," he mumbled and followed her out the door.

~*~

They were the youngest people at the gallery but no one paid them too much mind as they went around the rooms looking at the artwork on display. Privately, Brahms felt the artist tried too hard, and thought that Lily's work showed more talent and honesty but didn't say so to Shae. She'd been so excited when she saw that there'd be a show on Valentine's Day and had gotten them tickets especially as a gift to him. It would sound ungrateful to honestly critique the artist's work. Honestly, it wasn't that bad. He liked a few of the pieces, particularly one of a man with a distorted face who stood back from a formal dining table, unnoticed by the guests who sat there. He peeled off a blue dot from the sheet of stickers they'd been given at the door and put it on the wall next to the piece.  


"You like that one?" Shae asked in a tone that meant she didn't much care for it and was trying not to be obvious about it.  


"It speaks to me," Brahms said and pretended not to notice her hiding a smile.  


"So are you having fun?" Shae asked as they went hand in hand to the next room.  


"I am," he said.  


"Is it maybe giving you a few ideas?" she asked gently.  


Brahms sighed. "I don't know, Shae. It takes a lot of bravery to show your work to everyone. More than I think I have."  


"I think you're very brave." He looked at her and saw she was serious, looking up at him unflinchingly. "You're the bravest man I know."  


Not knowing how to respond to that, Brahms turned to look at the next piece of art on the wall. "What do you think?"  


"Beautiful," she said, ignoring the painting. "The best I've seen."

~*~

They had dinner at an Italian restaurant. The food was delicious and Shae had to hold herself back from moaning in delight after every bite. Under the table, she slipped off her shoe and ran her toes up and down Brahms's calf. He sent her a sexy, dark look through his eyelashes and the heat of it went right between her legs. She had to remind herself to get a grip; it was a school night so she and Brahms couldn't have a sleep-over. That's what the morning had been for. Besides, her mother was home by now.  


She settled down and kept her feet to herself, though Brahms looked a little disappointed. They had tiramisu for dessert and left the restaurant full and happy.

~*~

When they got back to the cottage, Shae's phone went off with a message from her mother. She'd gotten off of work and gone for drinks with a few other single girls. She'd be home soon.  


"I don't know when 'soon' is, though," Shae said with a pout. She put her phone in her bag and said, "Happy Valentine's Day."  


"I uh, I got a gift for you." Brahms reached into the backseat for a good-sized box. At least it wasn't going to be more jewelry. "I hope it's good. It might not be the most romantic but..."  


"I know I'll love it," Shae said, accepting the box wrapped in red with pink ribbon. She eagerly ripped open the box, making him chuckle and when she shifted the tissue paper aside, she gasped loudly. "Is this...?"  


"A first edition," Brahms said.  


"Anne of Green Gables!" Shae carefully lifted the book out of the box, staring admiringly at the cover. "Oh, Brahms! This must have cost a fortune!"  


"Do you like it?" he asked, dodging the money comment deftly.  


"Like it?! It's..." She cupped his face and kissed him exuberantly. "I can't believe you remembered that I like this book."  


"You recommend it to everyone at the shop who asks," Brahms said with a chuckle. "I'd have to be wandering about in a fog to miss that you like Anne of Green Gables."  


Shae hugged the book to her chest, eyes shining. "Thank you. Thank you so much."  


"You're welcome so much." He traced a finger over her cheek. "I love you, Shae."  


"I love you, too," she whispered and leaned forward for one more kiss. "Happy Valentine's Day."  


"Happy Valentine's Day, love." Brahms got out of the car and circled around to help her out and then walked her to her door. They made out a bit on the step but then reluctantly parted, knowing they'd see each other again tomorrow for school.  


Shae stayed on the porch and watched him jog back to his car, admiring his butt and then turned to unlock the door and stumbled inside. As she locked the door and took off her coat, her phone rang. Thinking it was Brahms already missing her or maybe even her mom letting her know she was almost home, she picked it up without looking at the number.  


"Hello?"  


Familiar breathing filled her ear and turned her heart and stomach to ice. Breathing. Just breathing.  


"Dad...?" Shae whispered. The line suddenly went quiet. The phone tumbled from her numb fingers and Shae abruptly sat down and was still sitting there in front of the closet when her mother came home.


	18. Chapter 18

Shae woke up at four in the morning and padded downstairs, unsurprised that all the lights were on. She found her mother sitting at the kitchen table, thin-lipped and clutching her phone tightly in her hand. When she saw Shae, she sat up a little straighter and tried to look less worried. Shae wasn't fooled for a second.  


"So?" Shae asked.  


"I've called Jack," Joanna said quietly. "Well, I called Jack hours ago and left a message."  


Jack Dobrowski was the police detective their family had bonded with after Shae's near-miss abduction. He'd promised to keep an unofficial eye on Shae's father and had been the one to whole-heartedly agree to the international move. His word would determine if Shae would be getting uprooted yet again.  


"It's only eight p.m. in Los Angeles," Shae said.  


"Right. But he has other things to do, other--" The phone rang and Joanna swiftly picked it up. "Hello?" Her eyes darted to Shae's. "Hello, Jack. Let me put you on speaker, okay?" She pressed a button and put the phone on the table.  


"Are you there, Shae?" Jack's raspy, grizzled voice said. It always amazed Shae how much like a movie cop Jack sounded.  


"I'm here," Shae said.  


Jack cleared his throat. "Okay. I don't want to panic either of you, but I haven't gotten a bead on Carl yet."  


Joanna's nostrils flared and Shae clapped a hand to her mouth, holding in the cry of distress she wanted to let out.  


"That doesn't mean he's over there," Jack said quickly. "He's gone off on his own before. Off into the desert to do drugs with his friends, that kinda thing. I'm waiting to hear back from a guy. He's one of our informants, has a friend of a friend situation with Carl. He'll let me know what he finds out and I'll pass it along to you two. In the mean time, keep all your doors locked, don't answer the phone to any blocked or unlisted numbers, and try not to worry too much. Okay?"  


"Okay," Joanna said, keeping her voice admirably steady.  


"How are you two doing out there?" Jack said, his voice lowering. "I hate sending you all the hell across the globe if this asshole is only--"  


"We're fine," Joanna said. "We've got friends and a lovely home. We don't want to leave unless we absolutely have to. I already know where we'll go."  


"Always good to have a contingency plan," Jack said. "How about you, Shae? Doing okay? Any boyfriends?"  


Shae smirked. "Just the one."  


"Ah, no shit? He a good kid?"  


"The best."  


Jack chuckled. "Glad to hear it. Listen, I gotta let you two go. I'll call as soon as I have word. I uh, don't really remember the time difference between there and here..."  


"That doesn't matter," Joanna said. "Call the second you know anything."  


"Will do. Night, Jo. Night, Shae."  


"Good morning," they said dryly, making the older man laugh before he hung up.  


Joanna picked up her phone and looked tense again, though not as tense as she had before the call. She looked up at Shae and asked, "Are you going back to bed, love?"  


"No," Shae said flatly.  


"Me neither. I'll make us some tea." Joanna went to the stove and picked up the kettle, taking it to the sink.  


"Mom? Where are we gonna go? If it's... him."  


Joanna waited until the kettle was filled before responding. "I have a friend in Cardiff. We were mates at school. She never wanted me to marry your father and we had a falling out over it. You're... you're actually named after her. That's where I thought we'd go. He wouldn't expect it."  


"Wales," Shae whispered. She folded her hands. "What about school?"  


"You'd start over, I guess. You did well on your exams. We'll just say we had a family emergency. It's not a lie."  


Shae nodded and then said what she was really worried about. "And Brahms?"  


Joanna's shoulders drooped. "Love, please."  


"We couldn't tell any of my friends where we were going last time," Shae said, her voice breaking. "Can't I tell him? So he doesn't think I abandoned him?"  


"No." Joanna's tone was steely, not to be argued with. "Our lives are more important than Brahms Heelshire's feelings."  


"I know that!" Shae exclaimed, stung that her mother thought she was that self-centered. "I only meant--"  


Joanna swiftly held up a hand. "Enough. We are tabling this discussion right now, Shae Marguerite. There's no point in arguing when we don't know anything concrete yet. Let's just have our tea and try not to worry, like Jack said. Okay?"  


Shae swallowed back the rude thing she wanted to say and instead settled on, "Fair enough."  


They were silent the rest of the morning, until Shae left the room to get ready for school.

~*~

What a dreadful day. Brahms went over his World Literature notes but really kept an eye on Shae. She looked as hollow and miserable as she had after his pummeling of Jeremy Benson. He'd already asked three times what was wrong and been rebuffed each time. He didn't think he'd done anything wrong, since he'd reached for her hand between classes and she took it gladly enough, even giving him the ghost of a smile but that was it. That morning when he'd picked her up for school, she'd been waiting on the porch, pale and quiet, and when she'd gotten in the car, she'd hugged him so tightly, she'd squeezed an uncomfortable squeak out of him. Throughout the day, he'd caught her looking at him, staring hard, like she was trying to memorize every feature. It was unnerving, to be honest.  


The twins didn't seem to know what was going on either, casting strange looks at Shae and then frowning over at him. He could only shrug.  


"How was Valentine's Day?" Rose asked cautiously.  


"Good," Brahms said. "What did you and Malcolm do?"  


Malcolm tapped a pen on his notebook. "We went to dinner and saw a film. How was your fancy art show?"  


"Fancy," Brahms said. "It was the best gift."  


Shae looked up from her laptop and gave him a genuine smile. The sight warmed him momentarily until her expression dropped and she looked back at her computer screen.  


So Rose had determined that nothing with Brahms was wrong with Shae. She bit her lip, at a loss what to say.  


Lily leaned over suddenly and peered at Shae's screen. "What's in Wales?"  


Shae slammed her laptop closed, startling everyone. "Welsh people," she snapped. Standing, she said, "Brahms can you take me home?"  


"I'm sorry," Lily said, taken aback. "I was only--"  


"I know," Shae said tightly. She made a visible effort to unclench but she wasn't fooling anyone. "I'm just... I want to go home. Brahms?"  


Brahms was already packing up his bag. "Yeah, okay." He nodded to the others. "See you tomorrow."  


When they were in his car and he was turning them towards home, Brahms finally said, "Okay, what's going on, Shae? You've been like this all day."  


"Like what?" Shae said sharply.  


"Like that!" Brahms exclaimed. "Snappy and mean and tired and... and... I don't know what all! What happened between now and last night? You were so happy yesterday, and now...."  


Shae rubbed at her eyes. "I can't tell you."  


"Can't? Or won't?"  


"I told my mom I wouldn't tell you."  


Brahms pulled the car over. "We're not going any further until you tell me what's going on."  


"God damn it, Brahms!" Shae's voice broke. "Don't fucking push me today! Not after everything that's happened to me!"  


"What's fucking happened to you?" Brahms shouted back. He drew in a breath when her face crumbled and she started crying. "Fuck, love, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Just... Please. What's going on? What's made you so miserable?"  


Shae buried her face in her hands. "I can't."  


Brahms waited until she settled down and looked up at him. He raised his eyebrows at her and said firmly, "Tell me. Once I know what's wrong, I can help."  


"She's gonna be so pissed if I tell you." Shae sniffled and wiped at her eyes. This was a step in the right direction at least, she wasn't denying him completely.  


"Does she want us to break up?" Brahms asked, suddenly uncertain.  


Her face fell again. "Well, not exactly. We'd kind of have to if..."  


His heart twisted. "Oh my god, will you just tell me?"  


"I got a hang-up call last night," Shae said all in a rush. "So Mom called our cop friend Jack and he said he hasn't been able to find my dad. He's checking his contacts but if no one's seen him, he could be here hunting down Mom and me. And if that's true, Mom's planning on moving us again and I absolutely can't tell you where that would be. "  


Brahms sat back in his seat. "Shit."  


Shae dissolved into tears again. "I don't want to go. But I don't want him to find us. And I really, really don't want to leave you. God, I love you so much, it's like... it's like I'd be ripping out a part of me to leave you behind. I just want to die, I can't handle this."  


"Shhh, no." Brahms pulled her into his arms. "Come here." She sobbed into his shoulder and his hold tightened. "It's okay, love. If you have to leave again, we don't have to break up. I won't move on. I'll wait for you. I promise. You're a part of me, too."  


Shae stroked the back of his head and sniffled. "I can't ask you to do that. To wait for me. You're gonna go to university and all those girls are going to take one look at you..."  


Brahms laughed softly. "No. You're the only modern girl who loves the consumptive 19th century poet look. I'll be safe from their clutches. You, on the other hand, are going to stop traffic wherever you go. They'll be falling all over themselves to just get you to look in their direction. You'll have someone else in no time."  


Pulling back from the embrace, Shae shook her head, her eyes brimming with tears. "They wouldn't be you. I only want you."  


He reached over and tenderly stroked her long, dark red hair. "So we'll both wait for each other? If you have to go away?"  


Shae nodded slowly. "It wouldn't be long, I think. After graduation, I can change my name and go to university. We'll disappear together in London. It'll be safe."  


"Okay, then." He stroked her cheek. "Can you at least tell me when you leave?"  


She bit her lip. "I don't think so."  


"What if... what if you just text me 'green gables.' Then I'll know."  


Shae smiled a little. "Okay."  


"Okay." He let her go and started the car. "Let's get you home. I think I'm just going to drop you off. You look like you need some sleep."  


"Thanks, Brahms," she said sarcastically but there was just a hint of a sparkle in her eye that he found encouraging.

~*~

Heart heavy with this new revelation, Brahms went home and trudged into the house, hearing his parents' raised voices in the lounge.  


"The way you moon after that woman is disgusting!"  


"I don't moon over anyone, Belinda!"  


"Oh, please, I've seen you! Brahms has seen you! Don't you have the sense to know that everyone's embarrassed for you?!"  


"What does it matter anyway? It's all over, isn't it? You needn't trouble yourself over who I choose to befriend since we've decided that neither of us are continuing this charade!"  


"'Charade.' Oh, spare me."  


"Have another drink then, Belinda. You've only had, what, eight of them since this morning?"  


"You shit!"  


Brahms stepped into the room, staring at them in disbelief. It looked as if his mother was about to hurl her glass at his father's head; his father had even lifted his arms in a defensive pose. "What the fuck?" Brahms exclaimed. His parents stopped cold and if he hadn't been so shocked, the idiotic looks of surprise on their faces would have made him laugh. "What are you two doing?"  


Roland cleared his throat and lowered his arms. "Bit of a disagreement. Sorry about that. We weren't expecting you so soon, we figured you'd be over at Shae's until dinner time at least."  


"Well, she's ill," Brahms said shortly. "What's going on?"  


Belinda waved a hand in the air. "You heard your father. A disagreement." She went to a table and poured herself another drink.  


"Okay, I can't take another fucking second of this shit," Brahms snapped. He felt like Shae; in fact she'd actually said this exact sentence before while they'd been working on homework. "Mum's drinking and Dad's wandering eye. What is going on?!"  


"Well..." Roland sighed heavily and leaned against the mantle, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "We were going to wait a little longer to tell you but..."  


Belinda looked up from the table and said crisply, "Your father and I are getting a divorce. We were going to wait until after you'd finished school to tell you."  


Brahms waited to feel surprised. It didn't happen. He felt like he'd been expecting this for awhile. "How long have you felt this way?"  


Roland cleared his throat. "That doesn't matter."  


"It does," Brahms growled. "How long have you been making each other miserable out of some misguided effort to keep me protected?"  


"Since you were thirteen," Belinda said quietly.  


"So for five years," Brahms said. "Jesus. You two." The three of them stood there quietly and listened to the ice cubes settling in Belinda's drink. "So, I know now."  


"Yes," Roland agreed.  


Brahms looked at his mother. "So end it. No need to wait until graduation."  


"Well..." Belinda looked troubled. "I was going to go back to London. But, I thought..."  


"Mum," Brahms said, shaking his head. "You're not happy. I'm not happy with you two unhappy. Just go."  


Belinda glanced over at Roland and hurt flashed in her eyes a moment. Suddenly Brahms understood and felt his heart break for his mother. He went to her and hugged her. She went stiff in his embrace but after a moment her arms went around him and clung to him tightly.  


"Go," he whispered in her ear. "Go find someone who can love you back. It's the best feeling in the world, I swear."  


Her hand went to his head, stroking his hair lightly. "I'm glad you found it, darling."  


They parted and Belinda took a deep breath. "I'm going to pack and call for a car. You two will have to work out what to make for dinner."  


"We'll manage," Brahms said.  


Smiling tentatively, Belinda left the room. Brahms stood there and watched her until his father came to his side and clapped a hand on his shoulder.  


"That was very kind, son," he said softly. "You're very good to your mother."  


"Oh, you're fucking insufferable," Brahms growled and shrugged his hand off. "I'll make my own dinner and you make yours. We're not eating together."  


Roland's eyes narrowed. "Brahms..."  


"Leave me alone." Brahms left the room and stormed upstairs. He sat on his bed and heard his mother's heels clicking as she moved from room to room, retrieving her things. He heard her soft voice on the phone, ordering her car. Then there was silence until the car pulled up front and a horn honked.  


Belinda appeared in the doorway. "Goodbye, love. I'll call you when I'm settled at the hotel. Will you be all right?"  


"Don't worry about me, Mum," Brahms said.  


"I'll always worry," she said with a slight laugh. "It's what mothers do best."  


"Well, try not to," he said. "Good luck."  


She blew him a kiss, tears glittering in her eyes and then she was gone. The front door opened and closed, he heard the car door shut, and then the car engine gently hummed as it drove away. Brahms sank backwards on his bed, pressing a hand to his heart.  


Then his phone chirped. A text from Shae.  


It said "Green Gables."


	19. Chapter 19

Roland sat in the lounge, head in his hands, when he heard Brahms come thundering down the stairs like a herd of rhinos. Shocked, he got up and hurried into the entryway where Brahms was throwing open the door.  


"What are you--" Roland barely got the words out when Brahms was talking over him.  


"She's in trouble!" Brahms ran out the door.  


Following, Roland said, perplexed, "Your mother?"  


" _Shae_!" Brahms bellowed and rushed to his car.  


"What about Joanna?" Roland stopped on the front steps and turned his head to the house, wondering if he should call her, though he had no idea what he would say to her, what this "trouble" was.  


"She's in trouble, too!" Brahms shouted as he got into his car.  


Roland hurried down the stairs and was in the passenger seat, barely shutting the door when Brahms was tearing away from the house and down the road. Roland clutched the safety bar over the door and winced, looking over at the grim, hard look on his son's face.  


Ahead, he saw Joanna's little red car. Brahms accelerated more, ignoring Roland when he shouted to slow down. Brahms passed Joanna and then suddenly whipped the car around, tires screeching, so his vehicle completely blocked the road.  


The red car came to an abrupt halt. Brahms was out of his door in seconds and Roland watched, perplexed, as Shae flew out of her mother's car and ran and leaped into Brahms's arms, her little body shaking with the force of her sobs.  


Joanna got out on her side, face red. "What the fuck, you little shit? Move your car! Right now!"  


Brahms said something too low for Roland to hear but Joanna translated for him immediately by screeching, "You're not going to _let_ me take her?! She's my daughter! You're endangering her with this nonsense!"  


Roland fumbled his door open and joined the group. "All right, let's all settle down now, okay? No more shouting."  


Joanna glared at him but she took a deep breath and then clenched her jaw tightly. Brahms sent him a despairing look, clutching Shae to him like she was the most precious thing in the world to him. And the poor girl kept on crying, saying something over and over that sounded a bit like "green gables" whatever that meant.  


"Why don't we go back to the house," Roland said firmly. "And we'll talk all of this through. Whatever this is. Okay?"  


To his amazement, Joanna nodded and went back to her car. She sat behind the wheel, ramrod straight, as Brahms carried Shae to his own car and settled her in the passenger seat. Awkwardly, Roland let himself into the back seat of Brahms's car, wondering what on earth he'd gotten himself involved in.

~*~

They sat around the kitchen table when Shae and Joanna explained everything about Carl Willingham and the real reason they suddenly moved to the UK. Brahms already knew the story so he watched his father the whole time, noting how he'd blanched at the description of the abuse Joanna suffered at the hands of her ex husband, how his eyes had filled with horrified tears over Shae's broken jaw, and then the determination that settled over his features when Joanna explained how her ex was unaccounted for, that she and Shae were no longer safe in their home.  


"Well," Roland said. "This is a pretty little problem, isn't it?"  


Brahms groaned. "Dad..."  


"I have a friend I can stay with, far from here. He'd never think to look there." Joanna's hands gripped the table top so tightly her knuckles went white. "We're losing time."  


"Joanna, think," Roland said softly. "Were you just going to abandon your job? Your house? Shae's schooling? How long were you going to hide with your friend? He's always going to be looking for you. You can't run forever."  


"I can while I'm still responsible for Shae's safety!" Joanna exclaimed.  


"Quite right," Roland said soothingly. "But let's be a little smarter about this. Why don't we call the police here and let them know what's going on? You can stay here with us. We've got cameras all over the property since we used to have problems with er, vandals, until quite recently. We'll be on the lookout for Shae's father and once he appears, he can be arrested and possibly even deported. Then you'll be safe as houses, eh? And you won't have to uproot your lives again, you'd only have to be house guests for awhile. How's that sound?"  


Joanna chewed at her lip, considering it. She ignored the hopeful way Shae and Brahms watched her. Finally she said, "I don't think Belinda would like this idea very much."  


"She doesn't get a vote," Roland said flatly. "We've separated. This is my house and I get to say who stays here. I'd like it if you and Shae accepted my offer."  


After a little more thought, Joanna finally said quietly, "Okay. We'll stay."  


"Good." Roland sat back in his chair and said crisply, "I'll be driving you to and from work. Brahms will continue to take Shae to and from school. Neither of you is ever to be alone. Anyone hears anything slightly out of the ordinary, they call the police. No waffling and thinking maybe it's the house settling, maybe it was your imagination. We have a dangerous man lurking about and we need to be cautious. Any objections?"  


Everyone looked at one another and then shook their heads.  


Roland slapped his hand on the table and said, "Brahms will make dinner and I'll help you ladies carry your luggage in. We hope you enjoy your stay here, all things considered."

~*~

The first few days were tense. The police drove by several times a day and checked in with them as well. No one answering to Carl Willingham's description had been seen in the area and his picture was put up in every shop in town. The kids at school stared at Shae with unabashed interest as she walked the hallways, everyone knowing her family was being stalked by her father. It was humiliating but at the same time heartening, especially one day in P.E. when Donal ran by her and said, "Don't worry, girl. Your da shows his face around here he'll get such a pummeling, it'll make Jeremy Benson look like nothing."  


Originally, Shae had been put up in a guest room and she'd used it the first two nights in order to humor her mother who was still furious with Brahms for blocking the road. That moment had secretly thrilled Shae, and she'd whispered it to Lily and Rose in the girl's room at school.  


"He was so sexy and forceful. You should have seen how he got out of the car. I mean, I fumbled with my seat belt and practically fell out of the car and I was crying like an idiot but Brahms, he just... Power stride. Like there should have been wind and cool movie music playing or something. And he said 'I'm not letting you take her.'"  


Rose had sighed dreamily. "I hope Malcolm can be like that some day."  


Lily snorted. "Keep hoping."  


After the second night of their stay, Shae had slipped into Brahms's room during the night and they had covert, nearly silent sex as their parents slept down the hall and then in the morning, she'd sneaked back to her room. Three days of that and Joanna casually mentioned to Shae, "You may as well just stay with Brahms. You aren't fooling me, love." Despite her words, Shae could tell her mother didn't like the idea much and hesitated another week before giving up the pretense and just moving her things into Brahms's room.  


Her father continued to stay away and they all started letting their guard down. Maybe the hang up call hadn't actually been from him? Malcolm suggested that it could have been Jeremy Benson, still trying to screw up their lives from his new school in Trenton. Shae almost believed it. Almost.  


One day, Shae and Brahms came home from school to find Roland in a frenzy, tearing down the stairs and rushing into the kitchen.  


"What's going on?" Brahms demanded.  


"I can't find Joanna," Roland said tersely. He came back to join them. "She told me twenty minutes ago that she was going to make jewelry to take her mind off of things and I haven't seen her since."  


Shae gasped and covered her mouth. "We didn't pack the jewelry kit. It's still at the cottage."  


The three of them exchanged a look and then rushed back outside to Brahms's car. They piled in and Brahms drove next door quickly, neither Shae nor his father urging him to slow down like they normally would.  


The door was unlocked when Shae tried the door and Roland held her back. "No. I'll go in. You stay out here."  


"I'll go in," Brahms argued. "Stay with Shae. If I shout, you get her out of here."  


"No, Brahms," Roland said. "I don't want you--"  


"I'm younger and faster than you," Brahms said bluntly. "I have a better chance taking him on than you do. Stay with my Shae. Keep her safe."  


Roland flushed and nodded once. "Fine."  


Brahms entered the cottage and was gone only about five minutes. When he came back, he was pale. "Call the police. One of you. Now."  


Shae fumbled her phone out of her pocket. "What's wrong?"  


"Love, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." He took her phone from her and dialed with shaking fingers. "Hello, D.I. Springton? This is Brahms Heelshire. We.. we need help. Now. Joanna's missing and... and there's blood all over the kitchen."  


"No!" Shae screamed. "Mom!" Roland tried to hold her but she ripped out of his grip. She ignored Brahms shouting at her to come back but Shae ran right to the kitchen and came to a screeching halt when she saw it. Every surface was covered with blood. It was all over the floor. Where was she? It made no sense that she wasn't anywhere; there should be a trail leading somewhere at least. But there was nothing. Still, she ran upstairs and looked in every room but there was no one.  


"Shae, come back down here! Don't tamper with the crime scene!"  


_Crime scene_. Her house was a crime scene. Shae sagged to her knees in the upstairs hallway and sobbed uncontrollably until the police arrived and a nice woman officer helped her to her feet and led her outside to Brahms's car.

~*~

Springton stood in the lounge with the Heelshires and Shae, looking uncomfortable. Shae hadn't stopped crying but now she was no longer making sound, the tears just slipping down her cheeks. She looked tired and laid her head on Brahms's shoulder as he held her tightly.  


"We've searched the cottage and the immediate area surrounding it but we haven't found anything. Her car's missing so we've put out an alert with both of their descriptions and the make and model of the car. Someone's bound to see them."  


Roland nodded, his eyes bloodshot. "Thank you," he said thickly.  


"In the mean time, we need you to stay away from the house. It's good you're already staying here at the manor but ah, no more trips over there. In case... in case he returns. We have a man staying here at all times." Springton looked uncomfortably at Shae. "We'll keep you safe."  


Shae didn't bother lifting her head. "As safe as you kept my mother?"  


Springton looked away. "I can't even begin to apologize enough for what's happened."  


"And I can't even begin to forgive you." Shae stood. "I'm going to bed."  


Roland said quietly, "Shae, darling, would you like some tea?"  


"No thank you, Roland." She left the room, not looking in Springton's direction.  


The policeman cleared his throat awkwardly. "We'll be close. I'll just... be on my way then. Officers Denny and Carlisle are outside if you need anything."  


"Thank you," Roland said and walked Springton to the door.  


Brahms went upstairs and found Shae curled up on her side on his bed. She was still in her school uniform and looked so sad and small his heart broke a little. "Love? Don't you want to get changed?"  


"I don't care."  


He went to the dresser and pulled out a pair of her sleep shorts and a soft blue t-shirt. "Come on, love. Sit up for me."  


Shae sighed but sat up and let Brahms undress her. There was nothing sexy about it, Shae too grief stricken and Brahms too worried for either of them to make this anything more than perfunctory. When Shae was in her pajamas, Brahms went and changed into his own sleep clothes and got in bed beside her.  


"I love you," he whispered.  


Shae rolled to him and said shakily, "You're all I have now" and cried until she fell into a fitful, restless sleep.

~*~

During the night, Shae woke hungry. Her stomach growling loudly actually was what woke her. She lifted her head from the pillow and glanced at the clock. 12:15. From next to her, Brahms slept deeply and quietly. She wondered what there was to eat in the kitchen and immediately felt guilty. Her mother had been attacked and was probably dead and she was laying here in bed with her boyfriend, pondering a late-night snack? She pressed her hands to her face and cried as silently as possible, not wanting to wake Brahms.  


Her stomach growled again and Shae sniffled the last of her tears, for now, and got out of bed. She tip toed from the room and down the stairs. The whole house was so eerily quiet. Shouldn't there be sounds like the house settling, or the wind, or a clock ticking? Something?  


In the kitchen, Shae snapped on a light and started to hum nervously to herself. She opened the refrigerator and found some cold cuts and a jar of mustard and arranged them on the counter where a plastic bag of bread already rested. Frowning, she dug around in the crisper and found some lettuce and tomato as well. She got to work assembling her sandwich, still humming and then suddenly fell silent.  


She could hear footsteps.  


Glancing over her shoulder, she tried to figure out where they were coming from. Not from above. Her blood turned to ice as she slowly turned to the basement door. The steps were coming from below, slowly up the stairs. And since she'd been turning on lights and making sounds like a big fucking idiot, he knew she was in here. Alone.  


"Brahms," Shae whispered, terrified. She wanted to scream. Why couldn't she scream?  


The basement door slowly opened. Her heart nearly stopped and then pounded so hard it made her knees weak.  


It was him. Her father stood in the doorway, staring at her.  


"Hello, lovebug," he said softly.  


"Brahms," Shae said again, a little louder.  


"Shhhh." He walked into the room and Shae stared at him, clutching the glass mustard jar in both hands. His clothes were splattered with blood. "Look at you. You've gotten so big. You used to be so little. My little Shae." He laughed tenderly. "Remember how I used to take you to see the horsies? We'd feed them grass and you'd beg me to let you ride them. But we couldn't, they belonged to someone else and we were just passing by. This place is like the horsies, Shae. We're just passing by. We've got to go home now, all right?"  


"No," Shae said, her voice getting a little stronger.  


"Yes." Carl Willingham held out a hand. "I'm not going to ask you again, Shae. Come on."  


"No!" Shae screamed. She hurled the mustard jar at her father as hard as she could and it made a sickening sound as it hit his head. "Brahms!!!"

~*~

Brahms bolted awake and found himself alone. Shae was screaming downstairs and he fell out of bed and went tearing out the door. He found his father in the hall, grabbing up the telephone and Brahms flew down the stairs.  


Shae was sobbing, wide-eyed with terror as she ran to him. She grabbed his hands and said, "Run!"  


A man came shambling after her, holding a hand to his head where blood and what looked like mustard flowed down his face. His blond hair was in disarray and his face was contorted with rage. In his other hand was a huge kitchen knife.  


"Come back here!" Carl Willingham bellowed.  


"Get outside," Brahms said urgently. "Flag down the police. I'll hold him off."  


"Brahms, no!" Shae grabbed his arms. "Come with me!"  


Brahms shoved her away. "Go!"  


Carl lunged forward. "Shae!"  


Shae screamed as Brahms met her father head on and grappled with him. Brahms was freakishly strong, she'd seen first-hand what he did to Jeremy Benson, but her father was a grown man and quite large. They struggled with one another and seemed evenly matched, neither of them able to get the upper hand. Shae ran to the door and unlocked it, eager to get the police.  


Barefoot, she ran across the lawn, slipping and sliding on the recent rain, still screaming and waving her arms. She heard the police officers' surprised shouts and they jumped out of their car and came running to join her.  


"He's here, he's here!" Shae screamed.  


The officers rushed to the house, one of them shouting at her, "Stay out here!"  


Shae ignored them and ran with them. She ended up passing the officers and saw that Brahms had pinned her father to the wall with an arm, choking him. He'd gotten the knife from her father and Shae wondered why on earth he hadn't used it yet. Her father was up against a desk and fumbled open a drawer, searching for a weapon. His hands closed around a screwdriver.  


"No!" Shae screamed.  


With a sneer, his father stabbed Brahms in the gut with the screwdriver, shocking a shaky gasp from Brahms. Then he gave a twist and yanked it upward, Brahms rocking his head backward in pain. He released her father from his chokehold but before he fell, he raised the knife and slashed her father across the throat with it.  


Eyes wide and mouth agape, Carl Willingham pressed his hands to his throat and fell back against the wall. Officer Denny rushed to his side while Officer Carlisle ran to Brahms who heaved in pain on his back, staring with unfocused eyes up at the ceiling.  


"Brahms!" Shae ran to his side. "Oh god, baby, no!" She reached for the screwdriver but Carlisle snapped, "Don't touch it!" and she let her hands fall back to her sides, fluttering nervously, not sure what to do. She couldn't stop crying.  


"He's gone," Officer Denny said from his place crouched next to her father.  


Shae looked and her dad was slumped against the wall, blood coating his entire front. His eyes were glassy and lifeless. She looked back to Brahms in time to watch him fall still.  


"No!" Shae wailed. Sirens shrieked in the distance but were coming closer and closer. She grabbed his hand and pressed it to her face. "No, don't leave me. Don't leave, don't leave, please..."  


Officer Carlisle pressed two fingers to Brahms's neck. "He still has a pulse, love."  


"Okay," Shae whispered, eyes closing. "Okay..."  


"Where did he come from?" Carlisle asked. "Your dad."  


"Basement," Shae whispered.  


Denny left the room but Shae hardly noticed. She couldn't take her eyes from Brahms's still face, whispering a prayer that his eyes would open, that he could speak to her. That he'd live. Oh god, if only he could live.  


She heard shouting from the other room. "There's a woman downstairs! I think it's Joanna Willingham! She's alive but just barely!"  


Too much. It was all too much. Brahms's hand slipped from her own and Shae's eyes rolled back into her head as she fell backwards in a dead faint.


	20. Chapter 20

At this hour, the hospital was mostly quiet. Shae and Roland sat in the waiting room and neither said a word. There were magazines on the table but they didn't touch them. A woman sat in the corner with her hands clasped to her chest, lips moving silently in prayer. Shae's eyes would drift in her direction and she'd wonder if she should be praying for her mother and Brahms. Then she'd shiver and try not to look at the woman again.  


She was shivering anyway; she'd thrown a jacket on but still she was in a t-shirt and shorts and had grabbed the first shoes she could find, the trainers she wore for P.E. Roland wore a long jacket over his own pajamas and wore slippers that were soaked on the bottoms from all the wet on the lawn as he'd hurried Shae to the car in order to follow the ambulance. He'd kept up a steady stream of positivity, that everything would be fine, they were getting help right away, everything would work out. Shae had wanted to scream and keep screaming but she'd tuned him out and went somewhere in her head, to the house on the cliffs right near the beach where her mother would play her Fleetwood Mac records at full blast and make necklaces from the clay beads she'd made herself, funky things that she sold on the weekends at the farmer's market. Shae would lay on her back under the table where her mother would work, humming along with the music, safe in the knowledge that thunder only happened when it was raining.  


"Shae?"  


Startled, Shae jerked upright and Roland grasped her hand. A doctor in scrubs stood before her, his face neutral of any expression, but he had kind eyes.  


"Hello. Your mother's all right. We have her in a recovery room if you'd like to see her. She'd been stabbed many times but nothing too deep. The cold basement slowed her bleeding and is probably what really saved her. Would you like to come see her?"  


Shae turned her head to Roland, who gave her hand a squeeze. "Go on, girl. I'll wait here."  


Taking a shaky breath, Shae stood and followed the doctor from the room. They took an elevator and the doctor left her with a tall, beefy nurse who gave her a soft smile.  


"Your mum's just this way," she said as the doctor went back to the elevator. "Jo's a tough one. She'll be well in no time. She's sleeping right now, love, but you can stay with her as long as you like. We put a cot in the room if you want to sleep."  


Shae nodded. "My boyfriend was hurt, too."  


"We'll make sure his dad knows where you are so you can get any updates." The nurse stopped in front of a door and opened it. In the room, Joanna was sleeping soundly in bed, lightly snoring. The sound was such an unexpected relief, Shae started crying silent, exhausted tears. The nurse wrapped an arm around her shoulders and gave her a quick hug. "Go on, love. She's sedated and won't wake up until morning but you can hold her hand and see for yourself that she's fine."  


Shae wiped her nose with the back of her hand and went to her mother's side. She stood a moment, looking down at the rise and fall of her mother's chest and felt so much overwhelming love, it threatened to topple her. She dropped into a nearby chair and scooted it close to the bed, touching Joanna's hand gingerly.  


"Mommy," Shae whispered. She rested her head on the bed, still holding her mother's hand and fell asleep.

~*~

Shae woke to sunshine and the clatter of a spoon against a bowl. Confused, she lifted her head and found her mother sitting up in bed, finishing her breakfast. Roland was standing beside her and the two of them beamed at Shae.  


"Good morning, my love," Joanna said.  


"Mom," Shae croaked and scrambled half onto the bed to hug Joanna's arm tightly. Her mother had been stabbed fifteen times around her chest and back so Shae couldn't hug her the way she wanted to. Feeling her hand stroking her hair, Shae began to weep again. "I'm sorry. We should have gone to Cardiff. It's all my fault."  


"No," Joanna said firmly. "It wouldn't have made any difference if we'd gone to Wales, Shae. The police told me your father had been living in our basement for weeks; apparently he'd been living in lots of people's basements before coming to our house. He heard everything we said about Cardiff so he'd have come after us there as well. None of this was your fault at all."  


Shae sat up and looked at Roland. "Brahms...?"  


"He's fine," Roland said quietly. "Had a bit of a nasty injury to his intestines but they've patched him up. Takes some time to recover, though. He'll probably be in here for close to a month. When you're ready, I can take you down to see him."  


Biting her lip, Shae looked at her mother. She didn't really want to leave her, but she'd spent the whole night by her side and she hadn't seen Brahms since he'd been loaded into the back of the ambulance, white and still.  


"Go," Joanna said softly. "I know you're worried about him."  


"I'll be back," Shae promised.  


Joanna laughed. "I know. Roland's going to take you down to see Brahms and then the two of you are going home to change and eat. I'll see you this evening."  


Shae looked down at her pajamas and laughed humorlessly. "Okay." She gave her mother a quick kiss on the cheek and followed Roland out the door and to the elevators.  


"He hasn't been terribly chatty," Roland said. "His mother's with him right now so, er, I'll be waiting for you in the hall. I think he'll be glad to see you. Kept groaning your name in his sleep and everything."  


When they reached Brahms's floor, Roland walked her to the door and then pointed to a chair about a foot away. "I'll be just here."  


Shae nodded and knocked on the door before opening it. Belinda was seated by Brahms's bed and her face was tired and free from makeup, lips shut tight in a line. She looked relieved when Shae came in.  


"Oh, Shae darling, hello." Belinda stood and went to Shae's side. "Brahms? It's Shae."  


Brahms was laying slightly upright, the bed tilted to hold him in the position so he wouldn't strain his stomach muscles trying to keep himself sitting on his own. He stared at the television mounted on the wall and acted as if his mother hadn't spoken at all.  


"He's been like this all morning," Belinda said quietly. "I'm going to the cafeteria for some tea. Maybe you can get a word out of him." She went to the door and said louder to Brahms, "I'll be back soon, darling. Just rest."  


When she was gone, Shae went to Brahms's bedside. Her heart started to sink as he continued to watch the annoying breakfast chat show on the television, not acknowledging her presence at all.  


"Hi," Shae said, feeling almost shy.  


Brahms didn't respond.  


She hugged her jacket tighter around herself. "Um, Mom's gonna be okay. She was stabbed loads of times but they were pretty shallow compared to-- Um. H-how are you feeling?"  


He didn't answer.  


"Brahms?" Shae whispered.  


No reply. He watched the television with an almost scholarly urgency, like there was going to be a quiz later and he couldn't afford for Shae to distract him for one second. He had no interest in talking to her, in anything she had to say. Her mother had insisted that what happened wasn't Shae's fault but maybe Brahms felt otherwise?  


"Would you rather I left?" Shae asked, heart pounding.  


He gave the tiniest of nods.  


"Because you hate me?" Shae's voice broke. When Brahms finally looked at her, startled, she continued on, her voice rising in hysteria, "Because it's my fault! I never should have told you we were leaving and then you wouldn't have stopped us and you wouldn't be laying in this bed now, would you? It's all my fault! Mom says it isn't but god, it is! I'm so sorry Brahms, I wish I wasn't so selfish because then you wouldn't be in this position! I love you so much and I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I can't-- I can't--"  


The door burst open as she completely gave way to ugly, full-body sobbing. Roland hurried to her and pulled her protectively to his side.  


"Brahms, I'm going to take Shae home for some rest. We'll be back this evening, all right, son? Your mother should be back soon." He hustled Shae out the door, nearly colliding with Belinda who exclaimed in horror at Shae's meltdown.  


"Shae, what--!"  


"Everything's fine, Belinda, we're just leaving," Roland said tersely and led Shae down the hallway, still sobbing and needing his support to walk.  


Belinda turned back to Brahms. "Oh, love, you're crying..."  


He lifted a trembling hand to his face and wiped away his tears, still not speaking.

~*~

At the house, Shae took a shower and then collapsed into bed and slept until six p.m. Roland was gently shaking her awake. Priya Khatri had brought them food and promised that the twins would stop by the hospital tomorrow to see Joanna and Brahms. They ate quickly and then Shae dressed in a floral dress with a burgundy cardigan and black tights, mindful of how chilly the hospital was. She applied a bit of makeup so she wouldn't look as miserable as she felt and they gathered together a few things before heading out the door.  


Shae decided to see her mother first, unwilling to face Brahms just yet. She sat beside her on the bed and they made jewelry from the kit Shae had brought in a satchel. From her phone beside her, Shae played "Dreams" and they talked together about nothing of consequence, just remembering their favorite times together, neither of them admitting out loud that they'd come close to never seeing each other again.  


About an hour later, Roland entered the room, rubbing the bridge of his nose tiredly. "Well, Shae, it's your turn to visit Brahms."  


"Is he still not speaking?" Joanna asked sympathetically.  


"He isn't," Roland confirmed. "Shae? Did you want to see him?"  


"Not really," Shae said, her voice trembling. She carefully climbed off the bed so as not to jostle her mother. "But I'll go anyway. I-I need to."  


Joanna gave her a comforting smile and Shae drew in a deep breath before leaving and taking the elevator down to Brahms's floor. She walked, arms folded, down the hall to his room where a nurse was checking his vitals.  


"You're getting along quite well, Mr. Heelshire," the nurse chirped. She beamed when she saw Shae. "And you've got lovely company as well! Isn't that nice? I'll just leave you to it!" She breezed out the door, smiling kindly at Shae before leaving. The temperature of the room went down quite a bit once her chipper warmth was gone.  


Shae went to the television and turned it off. "Okay, Brahms. We need to get this out."  


"Right." His voice sounded husky from disuse.  


Surprised but trying not to show it, Shae went and sat in the chair by his bed. She watched his pale face, his bloodshot eyes, and felt her heart twist with sympathy and guilt. He was in so much pain and now she was forcing him to have a difficult conversation. This on top of her psycho father stabbing him in the gut with a rusty screwdriver. She was the worst girlfriend in the world.  


"Would it make things easier if I just assumed we were done and left?" Shae asked, gently. "I don't want you to feel--"  


"Stop. We're not-- I don't--" He pressed his hands to his face, the same thing he'd done what felt like ages ago when they'd stood in his bedroom during their first dinner party. "I don't blame you and I'm not mad at you. I-I don't want to break up with you. I love you. I'm just-- I'm just worried that-- That you aren't going to--" His Adam's apple bobbed and his voice wavered and broke. "I'm worried that you're not going to want to be with me anymore."  


Shae climbed up on the bed beside him and gently removed his hands from his face. She watched the tears spilling from his bloodshot eyes and said tenderly, "Brahms, I love you. Why wouldn't I want to be with you?"  


"Because I just murdered your father!" He started crying in earnest. "You seem fine now but once it starts sinking in, that I'm a murderer and you don't have a father because of me, you'll start resenting me. A-and then you'll leave and I'll wish that the fucking screwdriver would have punctured my liver like it came close to doing!"  


"No. No, no, no." Shae slid closer to him and pressed her forehead to his. "Baby, no. Listen for a second, okay?"  


He sniffled and when she drew back to make sure she had his attention, he nodded. She reached out and gently stroked his curls back from his forehead.  


"There's only one person who ever terrified me in my whole life and that was my dad. He was loud and big and scary. Even when it was just Mom and me at home and we were roller skating in front of the house or baking a cake, just the thought that he'd be home soon would put a damper on any fun we were having. Because then we'd have to make sure to put the roller skates neatly back in the closet so he'd have space to put his shoes when he got home, or we'd have to wipe down the counters and floor so there was no trace of flour or sugar anywhere when he came home expecting dinner and a spotless kitchen. It was this sword that's hung over us all our lives, even when we escaped him. When would he drop down on us again? Is this unlisted number calling me going to be him?"  


Brahms frowned as she paused, and he reached out a hand to stroke her arm as she was visibly shaken by these memories.  


"Everyone promised they'd make him go away. Mom did when she divorced him and then moved us a few times. The courts did when they granted the restraining order. Jack promised and so did the police. But still, he kept coming. But Brahms... _you've made him go away_. Forever. You killed my boogeyman and you didn't do it to earn any points with me, you did it because he was trying to kill _you_. I love you and this happening isn't going to make me stop loving you, not now, and not ever." She took his hand and placed it over her heart. "You're my hero. You saved me. You saved my mom. You better be sure you want me because I'm never letting go of you."  


Brahms looked down at his hand pressed against her chest and said gruffly, "I have something for you. It was going to be your Valentine's present but after our talk about kids, I thought it would be too much. But when we get home, I'm going to give it to you. And I'll have a question to ask."  


Shae's breath caught in her throat and she raised the hand on her chest to her face, pressing a kiss into his palm. "My answer's going to be yes."  


He closed his eyes in relief, a smile spreading across his face. "Good."  


Shae dropped his hand and scooted so she was tucked against his side, head resting on his shoulder. "Let's just stay like this for awhile, you and me. Enjoy the moment until someone comes in."  


"Mmm. They're probably going to start bringing me homework, you know. So I don't fall behind."  


"Ugh, don't remind me."  


Brahms chuckled and winced. "The world keeps turning regardless of what we're going through."  


Sighing, Shae turned her head to kiss his temple. "It does."  


"I love you."  


"And I love you."  


And they stayed that way, side by side in bed until Belinda Heelshire arrived with a bouquet of flowers and the news that she'd joined AA. The world was turning and would continue to turn and that was fine with Brahms and Shae.

~*~

_Six months later_

  


"Careful, your knee!"  


Brahms looked up from where he was digging the moat for their elaborate sand castle but it was too late; he'd accidentally crushed the east wing and the wizard's tower. "Oh, shit!"  


Shae cackled and sat back on her heels. "We didn't even buy insurance!"  


"I'm a king, I can buy a million castles!" Brahms tossed aside his spade and stood, brushing the sand off his knees. "Let's go for a walk, eh?"  


Smiling softly, Shae stood and took his hand. They'd been staying with Brahms's aunt Mildred in Cornwall all summer and they both felt like they could spend the rest of their lives here. Unfortunately, both of them were starting uni in another two weeks so they'd be packing up and heading to London soon.  


Shae turned and looked up at Brahms as they walked. He'd clipped his hair short so his curls were gone and he'd grown a beard over the summer. He didn't really look like the boy inside her locket anymore and probably never would again. That was okay but she did feel a twinge of regret at how he'd had to grow out of being that boy, what he'd had to go through and experience. He spoke to his therapist twice a week over Skype and he'd talked Shae into seeing someone too. Shae only went once a week but she felt better and realized how much she'd been holding in for years, the worry and stress she'd lived with for so long and the therapist was helping her learn to live without those feelings anymore. Her father was gone. It was okay that she didn't miss him, didn't regret his death. Her only regret was that her boyfriend had had to kill him and now live with the guilt.  


"Brahms," Shae said suddenly.  


"Hm?" He looked down at her and smiled a little.  


She hugged his arm. "How pissed are you going to be if our parents get married before we do?"  


Brahms rolled his eyes. "Don't start."  


Shae giggled but felt a little guilty for teasing him. He hadn't been happy when Joanna and Roland had come down to visit Millie last month and announced to all of them that they'd started seeing one another. It had been love at first sight for Roland, but the feeling had crept up gradually on Joanna, particularly when he visited her everyday in the hospital and took such good care of Shae for her during her recovery. Part of that unhappiness was worry over his mother who lived alone in London and hadn't completely wanted the divorce to begin with. Most of his displeasure came from the idea that he and Shae would be siblings if their parents actually married.  


"But I'm gonna have the hottest step-brother," Shae giggled.  


"I said stop," Brahms said, trying not to smile.  


"You think they'll let us share a room?" she asked seductively.  


"Right. That's it." Brahms grabbed at her but Shae leaped away with a little scream and started running down the beach, laughing uncontrollably. She knew Brahms could have caught up with her in seconds but he was drawing this out, letting her tire herself out before catching her.  


When she stumbled a little, Brahms was right there to sweep her up into his arms. Gasping and giggling, she circled her arms around his neck as he walked determinedly toward the water.  


"Wait, what are you going to do?" Shae asked.  


"I'm going to dunk you in the water, of course," he said conversationally.  


"EEEEE!" She struggled to get loose but the way he was holding her, her sarong had wrapped itself pretty effectively around her legs. So she tightened her grip around his neck and giggled, "No, no, no, don't, don't please. It's gonna be so cold!"  


Brahms shook his head with faux resignation. "This is what happens, Shae. I told you to stop."  


"Braaaaahms!" When the water was up to his waist he released his hold and she screamed, laughing, and clung to his neck.  


"Hey, let go!" he said but started laughing too, trying to peel her off of him.  


"No way!" She circled her legs around his waist. "If I go down, you're coming with me."  


Brahms shrugged. "Mkay." And with that, he collapsed backwards into the cold salt water.  


They both burst to the surface, gasping and whooping laughter.  


"Oh my god, you dick!" Shae splashed at him. "You're so stubborn!"  


Brahms grinned at her. "I got you, though."  


Shae swam over to him and twined herself around him, nuzzling his neck. "Yeah you do."  


His hands stroked her back lightly before starting to untie her bikini top. "Love..."  


"We have time, don't we?" Shae whispered in his ear, then nipping the lobe.  


"Time for what?" he asked, playing dumb as he started kissing down the side of her neck, wanting her to say the phrase she'd coined that summer.  


"Secret ocean sex," Shae breathed, giving him an instant erection. But then she looked over his shoulder and saw a figure on the beach, gesturing to them. "Oh, no. No, wait, Brahms, I'm sorry, Millie's calling us in."  


"No," Brahms groaned. He turned to look. "Where?"  


Shae pointed with her left hand, the ring on her finger flashing in the sun. "There. We need to go clean up and have dinner."  


"Well, she's just going to have to wait." Brahms reached down and shifted her bikini bottoms aside.  


Gasping, Shae looked over at Mildred but saw that she'd turned and was heading up the dunes to the house. She fully expected them to follow her but perhaps not right away. Just as Mildred disappeared from view, Brahms fully sheathed his cock within Shae and she gasped, her eyes closing.  


"Mmm." Brahms stayed within her, unmoving. "You're so warm."  


Shae rocked her hips. "Unh!"  


Brahms lowered them closer to the waves and fucked her quickly and passionately, only coming when she moaned "husband" in his ear, a trick she'd found out by accident during one late night session when she'd been midway to an orgasm and said that she couldn't wait for him to be her husband. It was both funny and disheartening that he'd finished so early but he'd brought her off with his fingers as an apology, something Brahms did now.  


Once they caught their breath and finished kissing one another, putting Brahms's swim trunks and Shae's bikini and sarong to rights, they walked back to the shore hand in hand.  


"Why are we going to this dinner again?" Brahms grumbled.  


"Because Malcolm and the twins are going to be there," Shae said. "You like our friends."  


"Not as much as I like you," he said.  


Shae squeezed his hand. "Well, that's a given." Then she dropped his hand and said, "I get the shower first!" She went sprinting ahead of him.  


"Oh, no you don't!" Brahms ran after her, easily overtaking her and slinging her over his shoulder. "We'll share a shower."  


"Can't argue with that," Shae said giddily. "Brahms?"  


"Yeah?"  


"I love you, you know."  


"I know. I love you, too."  


"I'm gonna love you even after you're my brother."  


" _Stop_ , I said."  


She giggled and stopped as he carried her back to the house where Millie was waiting, and the restaurant with their friends was waiting, and really everything was waiting. There was so much to look forward to as the world kept turning. And that was just fine with Shae and Brahms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who stuck around for this story and gave it a shot. It was a lot of fun to write and I'm sad to see it go but I hope you all enjoyed it. <3 Not sure what I'm going to write next but maybe something The Boy related because damn is this a weird, fun universe to play in.


End file.
